Research found | San Guan or facial features?——Trice a three -stage model for partner selection

Author | Chen Ziyuan

In the vast crowd, how do you find and finally decide to enter the palace of marriage with "that TA"? Regarding this issue, Murstein conducted research in 1970. He proposed a three-stage marriage selection model of stimulus-values-value-lole, pointing out that in the context of freedom of marriage, people officially chose to enter the marriage before entering the marriage. At least three options will match the matching phase.

Phase 1: "Love at first sight"

According to Murstein (1970) model, the first stage is the "stimulus information" matching phase. "Stimulating information" is the basic understanding of a person through in -depth contact and understanding, such as the most intuitive appearance, sound, or social status.

This information forms our initial judgment on a person, and also comprehensively builds TA's initial attraction to us. Among them, an important factor that is often concerned is "face value". In psychological research, it can also be called Physical AttractiveNESS. So, how important does the stimulus information like "face value" play an important role in the initial stage of the relationship?

Luo and ZHANG (2009) discussed this issue through a Speed ​​Dation research. In this study, each experiment was at most 10 men and 10 women participated. The dating time is 5 minutes. After 5 minutes, the experiments will ring the bell, and the boy moves to the next position to start a date with another girl until all the combination is completed.

After the experiment, the participants will evaluate the feelings and views of each dating object to reflect the opponent's attractiveness to themselves. After the experiment, the researchers' influence on the impact of attractive information on a series of personal characteristics information (including basic population information, appearance attractiveness, political attitude, personal values, personal interests, big five personality, emotion, self -esteem, adult attachment, etc.) Evaluate. It was found that: whether for men or women, "face value" is the most predictable factor in attractiveness.

Picture Source | Seattletimes

It is undeniable that these people with "high irritating characteristics" are indeed a "sought -after" existence in the marriage market. After all, human beings are probably a common secular desire (I do not require high, but I hope that TA looks good, has a good figure, has a stable job, and has a high income ... is enough). But such people are always a minority and cannot meet the needs of most people.

Therefore, in the process of establishing actual relationships, Murstein (1970) pointed out that there are two factors that need to be considered, one is to evaluate itself, and there are comprehensive consideration of "social exchange". To put it simply, it is necessary to "weigh" yourself, and comprehensively consider that when you are pursuing your spouse, your own resources, the price you need to pay, and the benefits and potential risks that the other party may bring.

Based on such a comprehensive assessment, a partner with similarity in stimulating features is more likely to enter the next stage of the relationship.

(Picture source network, invading deletion)

Phase 2: "Talk to each other very well"

After the mutual attraction of stage 1, the two began to enter the next stage and began to produce more intersection and interaction in life. In the interaction, we started to have a preliminary understanding of the "soul" under the "skin". At the stage 1, it may be attracted by the strong "five senses", the "three views" can be temporarily put down, but with the deepening of communication, the unanimous "three views" start to determine the direction of a relationship. Studies by McNulty and NEFF et al. (2008) found that for newlyweds, appearance attraction is no longer a positive predictive factors for the quality of relations.

Therefore, Murstein (1970) pointed out that in the second stage, couples with more positive relations progress have stronger values. Similar views, consistent views, often become a catalyst of the development of relationships. In the process, intimacy continues to increase.

This may be because the view itself is very subjective, reflecting the individual's self -concept, and inconsistency may lead to the feeling of being rejected. Experience. And the similarity on the point of view will also give people a feeling of mutual favorite.

Phase 3: "Become us"

With the further deepening of the relationship, it came to the last stage of the pre -marital selection -roles. This involves a deeper part, such as personality. Unlike the previous two stages, emphasizing the similarity between partners. At this stage, more emphasis is on compatibility. Because the two people after marriage will become a closely connected system to deal with the tasks and challenges they need. For example, if one party is a career type, one is a family type, and both are more satisfied with their family role, then the role of the two is matched, and they are more likely to enter the marriage smoothly, but if both are career types, they are career types. Or all the family types may bring a lot of difficulties to the progress of the relationship.

(Picture source network, invading deletion)

In addition, although this model of MURSTEIN (1970) is aimed at the choice stage before marriage, it also pointed out that the pre -marital understanding of the role may not be sufficient, because there is no chance to experience the real marriage role, and people are more likely to be before marriage. Showing the side of society, not the most authentic self. Therefore, the impact of character matching and its relationship may be accompanied by the entire marriage. According to the family life cycle theory, the tasks and marriage goals faced by couples at different stages are different, so the roles of the two sides are also different. For example, some studies have found that unlike newlywed couples, the similarity of middle -aged couples in terms of responsibility and externality is not conducive to marriage relationship (Shiota Levenson (2007), which may be because of this stage to face many affairs tasks, such as children raising children, such as children raising , Elderly support, similarity may not be conducive to the distribution of tasks.

In contrast, for newlywed couples, similarity may promote the formation of intimacy. In short, for the married couple, character matching may be a problem that needs to be paid attention to during the whole process. Proper adjustment combined with the tasks faced by different stages may help the marriage relationship between the two parties.

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Author said

Seeing this, do you think this is the same or different from our traditional concept that "start with face value, be trapped in talent, loyalty to character"? How do you meet your own life partners in the vast sea of ​​people? Welcome to leave a message in the comment area to share the "encounter" that is unique to you ~

The laboratories and research groups of the Department of Psychology have a batch of high-quality psychological science public accounts in different directions. Custom menu in the background of the university hall can click "Classification Selection"-"Friendship Public Account". Every Saturday, one of the college halls will reprint one of them sharing with you, I wish you all good night.

This article is reproduced from the public account "Family Marriage Psychology". Family marriage psychology is a brand carefully created by Beijing Shiyunjia and Education Consulting Center. The family marriage psychology cooperates with the famous marriage and family research and treatment experts in my country, and the team of Professor Fang Xiaoyi, the Yangtze River scholar of the Ministry of Education. Professional and scientific level.

Swipe up to read references:

[1] Luo, S. AND G. ZHANG (2009). What leads to romantic attraction: Similarity, reciProcity, security, or beauty? Evidence from a spey. J Pers, 77 (4), 933-964.

[2] McNulty, J. K., et al. (2008). Beyond initial attraction: Physical attractiveness in newlywed marriage. J fam psychol, 22 (1), 135-143.

[3] Murstein, B. I. (1970). Stimulus. Value. Role: a theory of Marital Choice. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 465-481.

[4]Shiota, M. N. and R. W. Levenson (2007). "Birds of a feather don't always fly farthest: Similarity in big five personality predicts more negative marital satisfaction trajectories in long-term marriages." Psychology and Aging, 22(4 ), 666-675.

Author | Chen Ziyuan

Source | Family Marriage Psychology

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(This article is reprinted by the Beijing Normal University Psychological University. Welcome to the circle of friends. If you need to reprint, please contact the background of the marriage psychology.

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