Habitual please others?It is because of lack of courage to be hated

Via: head map

Author | Lin Liqing

Grade -Cool Brain Creative

Artist | Old carving worm

Edit | Nutdi

Facing the request of others cannot say "no", it is always habitual affirming the opinions of others, too much to worry about being disliked by others. These "please others" behaviors have hindered you to become yourself.

01 If you lack the courage to be hated ...

Modern people want to have many types of freedom, "cherry free", "free to get up" ... In contrast, the difficulty in which the difficulty is "doing your own freedom".

The difficulty is that we often do not allow ourselves to be our true ourselves. The Japanese drama "Usable Being a Beast" is about the spiritual difficulties of the younger generation. Beasts, as the name suggests, follow wild sex, what do you want to do, there will be no human rational thinking and concerns.

Some people in life live like "beasts" -they live and live, and do not care about the rules agreed in socially, express their love and hate in a straightforward manner. But most people cannot become a beast, no matter in the workplace or family, they have to wear a mask.

"Usaccharide Being a Beast"

The heroine deep sea crystal is such a person. She is a female white -collar worker who praised everyone in the company, always showing a sweet smile, working hard, and the mission must reach.

The task of leadership will immediately respond no matter how late, she will respond immediately; she is thrown in the pot at work, and she just laughed and accepted silently; a lot of work that did not belong to her was forcibly stuffed. Do not mention a word "no".

Only the quiet bar in the night is the habitat of her soul, all depression and emotions, as the alcohol belly, get a moment of pleasure.

Isn't this a true portrayal of contemporary young people -to suppress self and stress within 8 hours, and find exports to let themselves out of 8 hours, finding a bare balance.

"Usaccharide Being a Beast"

No matter how calm it looks on the surface, Shenhaijing is difficult to satisfy such a life. Her diligent performance in her work is not her true will, but she is forced to refuse to refuse.

She was confused about this. Why do some colleagues push off their jobs and pat their ass, but they can only bear to swallow the sound and dare not express their true thoughts?

But this idea is only occasionally vomiting in the heart. More often, she knows "shouldn't be like this", but she still accepts it. She thought to endure to endure.

I dare not refuse, I am afraid of being hated by others. People who always maintain the "good people" are settled, and deep -sea crystals fall into the trap of "pleasure" without knowing themselves.

Fortunately, in the end, she decided to resign and slowly learned to respond to the true feelings of her heart. Even if she could not become a beast, she would not become a tool person who couldn't say "no".

02 Why can't we help please others?

The word "please" looks very ambiguous. Usually in intimate relationships, in order to coax the other party to be happy and alleviate the contradictions in the relationship, we will use the way to "please".

But why do we involuntarily please others in social occasions that are more alienated?

What needs to be distinguished here is that ordinary pleasure is very different from the "pleasure" type. Ordinary pleasure is a conscious social means, and pleasure is an unconscious, internal consumption behavior.

Neuroscience studies have shown that the pleading person driven by pleasure cannot control others, sacrifice themselves subconsciously, and even appreciate and recognize addiction from others. One reason is that they cannot see their true self.

Via: look in the mirror

The brain mainly uses the forehead to analyze and self -understanding. The prefrontal cortex is mainly responsible for processing complex information and obtaining the optimal options and response methods. The assessment of the self is involved in the intra -end frontal cortex layer in the middle of the brain. The larger the volume of this brain area, the more you are good at evaluating your preferences and your preferences and the more The ability to deal with this process, the more accurate the evaluation of itself.

The preferred premiral cortex may not be active enough, which makes them unable to evaluate their value well. They always feel humble and useless, so they need to keep feeling at ease from the recognition of others.

From a psychological perspective, pleasure is also related to the reasons such as unconfidence and fear of conflict with others, and can even go back to the mode of getting along with parents in childhood.

Via: please others

Based on different reasons, you can also be subdivided into different types, such as the emotional pleasures that are afraid of facing negative emotions, the habituality of the habitual requirements for others' requirements, and so on.

By understanding whether we have a good job of acting and which kind of pleasure belonging to, we can understand more clearly why we dare not do true ourselves, what is the obstacles behind.

Recommend you "Personal Personality Test", it will help you objectively analyze your pleased situation in interpersonal communication, and what impacts you have brought you to you, and finally give advice to help you reduce the endless pleasure.

It can give you:

1. Analyze whether you have a pleasant behavior,

What kind of pleasure belongs to?

2. Understand the interpersonal communication given to you

What impact is taken away

3. Analysis from the perspective of neuroscience,

The biology and neurological factors behind different pleasing disease 4. Understand how to effectively reduce your own pleasing behavior,

Be brave to make your own advice

Report style

Long press to scan the QR code and test immediately

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-The measures of the crowd-

1. Those who want to be more confident in interpersonal communication

2. Those who want to be their own

3. Want to know if they have a pleasant personality

4. Those who want to change the habit of pleading others

R & D team introduction

The R & D team of Cool Brain Psychological Evaluation has a professional psychological and neuroscience background. The members are from top universities at home and abroad, including Yale University, Durun University, Texas University Austin, Obelin College, University of Sydney, University of Arizona, New University, New University, New University The University of South Wales, Brandis University, University of Birmingham, Zhejiang University, etc., has the highest degree of psychological and more PhD.

pay attention:

The results of this test cannot be used as a basis for the diagnosis of psychological and mental illness.

For professional diagnosis, please go to the hospital's psychiatry or psychological counseling department for diagnosis.

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