"Heart numb": Did you shoot the active "emotional incompetence"?

A few days ago, my friend saw the "separation anxiety" I wrote that he hadn't experienced such a clear emotion for a long time.

After work, the pressure of life is increasing. He has slowly learned not to feel his emotions, so that he is in a calm state as much as possible. This emotions have no fluctuations and increasingly unable to lift things related to emotions. interest.

This feeling of a friend is not an example. After discussing with the colleagues of the editorial department, many friends around everyone are in this indifferent state, and many people take the initiative to choose to make themselves like this.

What happened to the TAs? Why is it in a state of alienation? What kind of feelings do TAs in life? Is there any way to help the TAs?

Look at today's article.

What is a person who lost emotions?

On the surface, people without emotions are very stable, and they can hardly feel the emotional changes of the TAs. But in fact, the TAs can achieve such a state by actively isolating their emotions. Over time, the TAs will even lose their ability to mobilize emotions -become "emotional incompetence".

This state that cannot experience emotions and expressions, also known as emotional numbness. Psychotherapist Dr. Mayra Mendez defines it as: the door to reject emotions may make people feel the psychological and emotional process lacking emotional reactions.

When a person is in a state of emotional incompetence, the following 7 typical performances generally appear:

There is a strong sense of distance with others; the most favorite activity now feels tasteless; no matter what happens, there will be no strong emotional response; physical and psychological feel is very bland; they cannot really participate The sense of weakness of life; for a long time, I have not experienced the feeling of happiness; more willing to be alone than gathering with friends.

"I often feel that I am invisible, like a ghost. I watched the family communicate with each other, but I felt that there was an invisible thing to stop me from joining. I was like a submarine that was not noticed. The emotion. However, if you ask what I feel like, I can't tell you. "

In short, people with incompetence are in a state of "unwillingness to feel, share their emotions, or respond to the emotions of others".

When a person is in this state, TA's interpersonal relationship will be greatly challenged. It will even slowly form an emotional interpersonal relationship mode, which leads to the loss and loss of empathy and become excessive indifference (Kerig et al., 2012), which will further weaken the interpersonal connection with others, and the vicious circle until it is not until the vicious circle is until the cycle of malignant. It is difficult to maintain interpersonal relationships.

This will also have a certain impact on the career development of the TAs, because the TAs will feel that there are no trusted partners.

So why do people choose

What about the state of "emotional incompetence"?

In this era full of pressure and anxiety, many people yearn for success. In competition and internal volumes, it seems that only "winning" is the most important. As a result, exposing their sensitivity emotionally, they are often considered weak -because they are stable, strong, and firmly running counter to the strong.

So some people use "emotional incompetence" as a self -protection strategy.

TAs can avoid depression and anxiety caused by high -pressure environment by "castrating" their emotions. In addition, when TA found themselves showing an emotional state, it was in line with the expectations of social culture to the strong (especially the social role of the society for men).

Not only that, the study also found that the state of high anxiety and avoidance of emotions (whether it is positive or negative) (tull et al., 2004). In other words, when a person is in nervousness, fear, and concerns for a long time, it is likely that he needs to avoid and closure through his emotions to cope with stress. When people experience the exhaustion, they may not feel their emotions and feelings (Weilenmann et al., 2018).

Therefore, for some people, emotional power is a daily life strategy that can save themselves from a fierce emotional experience without affecting their social functions.

If you have recently been in strong negative emotions such as nervousness, fear and worry, and in addition to "avoiding emotions", you don’t know how to perform effective emotional management. Welcome to see the psychological test produced by KY evaluation products. : [Emotional Freedom Test Report].

In this test, we will use the nine -dimensional dimension system to evaluate your emotional ability, help you stay away from "emotional incompetence" and get "emotional freedom".

For another person, "emotional incompetence" may have deep reasons:

1) Childhood negative growth experience has made the TAs acquire the mood of emotional incompetence

It is usually when a person is very young, when you can't get emotional response again and again -especially in the period of personality formation -to protect himself, it is natural to become emotionally closed.

Studies have shown that those who have suffered emotional abuse or physical abuse during their childhood are more likely to experience emotional disorders in adulthood, including the state of emotional incompetence (DVIR et al., 2014). This is because for TAs, emotional power is an protective response mechanism to protect them completely. 2) suffer severe trauma in the past experience, and have not been effectively handled and intervened

The emotional model of adolescents often affects interpersonal interaction experiences after adulthood. According to FREYD (1996), if a person experiences interpersonal trauma brought by "Significant Others" during a youth, it may cause TA to use emotion Essence

In addition, when a person has an emotional trauma that has not been treated well, he may also enter the emotional self -protection mode. For example, in the face of the death of important others or pets, people may go through a period of being completely disconnected from their own emotional feelings (Shear, 2012). In order to avoid trauma, they actively isolated their feelings.

Regardless of the above reasons, the benefits of incompetence in emotional incompetence are that it can largely achieve the purpose of self -protection of the TAs. When a person is in a complete defensive posture, TA can avoid all possible damage, nor does it not be possible You need to experience the pain of negative emotions.

However, when a person chooses to avoid the possible negative results brought by emotions, it is actually at the cost of abandoning the happiness, happiness and deep connection brought by the emotion.

"Emotional" will give life to life

Bring a lot of negative effects

1) People with incompetence may also develop into incompetence and will encounter many difficulties in establishing long -term stable intimate relationships.

People with incompetence often feel that relationship is a challenge. TAs will be afraid of intimacy -it is difficult to share feelings and ideas in their hearts. In intimacy, the partners may "touch the wall" every time they try to approach, and the sense of intimacy is always missing.

2) People with incompetence in emotions are difficult to build a trustworthy friendship and partnership.

When interacting with emotions, often feel that the TAs are complicated and difficult to communicate, and TAs often avoid in -depth communication. This makes it difficult for people with emotional incompetence to build a trustworthy and worthy friendship in social occasions. The social relationships of TA are often tasting and floating on the surface.

3) People with incompetence emotions, who can't see their true self, and lack a sincere life experience.

A sincere person, even if he encounters negative incidents, is to explore various emotions such as fear, insecurity and other emotions in his heart, and maintain a self -consistent connection with his life. However, in the value system of emotional incompetence, emotional exposure and needs are the causes of fragile and inferiority, that is, TAs have a fear of true self.

The TAs avoided all the opportunities to feel and explore as much as possible, and evaded all the topics of life in a passive way. In the end, the TAs could no longer see their true themselves, and they did not know what their thoughts, feelings, and desires were.

If you feel "emotional",

These 7 tips may help you

TIP1: Adjustment Cognition- "IT IS OK to Be Not OK"

Writer Andrea Owen wrote in the book "How to Stop the Bad Feelings": "When we are numb, we stay away from ourselves and stay away from our human nature ... because facing all this -facing the desired human nature -yes Uncomfortable, uncertain and terrible. But this is all of us, this is our solution. "

Therefore, we need to face and accept all emotional experiences, otherwise they are destined to continue to show in our lives in different ways.

Pain is normal, fear is normal, uncertainty, sadness, and loneliness are normal. IT is ok to be not ok. Don't judge yourself because you have some feeling. On the contrary, ask yourself: Why? Where does this feeling come from? What does it mean?

Tip2: Named by different feelings through mindfulness

You may have become disconnected from your body so that you don't know what you feel. Stop first, quiet mindfulness, and then feel. Choose a word to describe your feelings, such as sadness, resentment or anxiety. Doing "body scan" can help you identify your body feel: from head to toe, check what happens in each part of the body.

TIP3: Create your own "Emotional Security Base"

你可以主动创造一个让你感觉到舒适安全的空间，比如，它可以是床头柜上那盏暖黄色的台灯，一旦打开它，你就进入到安全基地——在这里你可以自由地表达情绪，并且Experience the relaxation all night.

TIP4: Starting from the living of clothing and food, adding care of self -care

You can re -connect your body by eating healthy and nutritious foods, so that you are in the best state. This can help your emotional regulation and improvement, and it is also the first step of self -care. It can ensure that you have the necessary daily order.

TIP5: Try to better manage pressure

Analyze your strategy of dealing with stress: What is the way you use to calm yourself when facing stress? Some people are usually used to unhealthy methods such as evasion problems, alcohol, overeating, etc. to deal with stress. It is important to detect your response, so that you can replace them with healthier, one improvement of a behavior, which is most effective for creating positive changes.

TIP6: Seek the necessary help from the most trusted person or professionals around you

Try to contact those who make you feel safe. The TAs may help you establish a contact, and you may be comforted and released in the process of talking. But be careful not to let others think about "how you should feel" into your current feelings.

If you feel difficult to ask for help, you can also seek help from a psychological counselor. Under professional intervention, you can learn more healthy response strategies.

Tip7: Finally, you need to know what a healthy emotional feeling is.

For those who are already emotionally incompetent for a long time, identification and processing of different emotions may be difficult. So, what is a person who can experience feelings and get along with the real world?

Experience your feelings to the greatest extent, and can share these feelings with others; express your true needs to others; truly accept the trust, support and love from others in interpersonal relationships; share your own life ideals and others in life and others. desire.

Although these descriptions above may be difficult and dangerous for you now, the return it will bring will definitely be unprecedentedly satisfied -emotional difficulties and danger, but it is also the most worthy.

May you have the one you have passed in the world to experience it vividly.

above.

References:

DVIR, Y., Ford, J. D., Hill, M., & Frazier, J. A. (2014). ChildHood Maltreatment, Emotional Dysregulation, and Psychiatric Comorbidities.harv Rev Psychiatry, 22 (3), 149-16161,

FREYD, J. J. (1996). Betrayal Trauma: The logic of forgetting childhood abuse.cambridge, ma: harvard university perss.

Kerig, P. K., Bennett, D. C., Thompson, M., & Becker, S. P. (2012). "Nothing really matters": emotional numbing as a link between trauma exposure and callousness in delinquent youth.Journal of traumatic stress, 25(3) , 272–279.

Shear, m. k... (2012). GRIEF and MOURNING GONE AWRY: Pathway and Course of Complicated Grief.Dialogues in Clinical NeurosCinence, 14 (2), 119-128.

Tull MT, Gratz KL, Salters K, Roemer L. (2004). The role of experiential avoidance in post-traumatic stress symptoms and symptoms of depression, anxiety, and somatization.J Nerv Ment Dis, 192(11), 754-761 Then, then, then

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