I unveiled my scars and comforted my injured friends, did I do it wrong?

Some time ago, my friend Xiaomeigang broke up with her boyfriend who had been in love for two years. In the early morning, shouting me out of the house and crying with me. I felt distressed and regrettable. I endured my sleepy and kept comforting her, but no matter what I said or what I did, I didn't seem to have any comfort to her.

Through her intermittent description and my reasonable inference, she guessed that they were only a section of Lan Yin flushing from falling in love to breaking up. There was no principle problem, but the fate was exhausted and regretted.

Seeing how to comfort, I can't help but say to her, "What is this? Do you know what was because of my boyfriend who had been in love with my five -year -old boyfriend at the beginning?"

She was attracted by my words, raised her head, and stared at me with her crying eyes.

"Because of him, I like others."

I replied one by one. I wanted to tell Xiaomei truthfully: he was derailed. Under hesitation, I chose another euphemistic expression.

Xiaomei was a little shocked and even forgot to cry.

At this time, a feeling of being reduced to the End of the End of the End to connect our hearts together. In addition, the tragedy of my experience is far better than her. It also provides her with a little psychological comfort. The last scene turned into her lightly. My back, attempt to bring me warmth and strength ...

When I returned home, I gradually calmed down. I remembered my words and deeds just now. I felt a little strangely discomfort in my heart. It was both sad and uncomfortable, but also regretted embarrassment. I repeatedly thought about a question in my mind:

In the face of a person who also encounters the same misfortune, should you unveil the scars you have never shown with TA as a person who come over? To comfort each other?

The hesitation is two points. Whether it has passed the boundary of the other party and comforts each other. Will this comfortable way make the other party feel the pressure of crossing the border?

Furthermore, everyone's own perception ability is not the same. It is very serious for you. It may not be worth mentioning for others. Maybe the real "feel the same" does not exist. After thinking about it, I found that it is not a wise move to "unveil the scars in the past to comfort another friend who encounters another unfortunate encounter."

"July and An Sheng"

The root cause of the trouble before me was that I did not have a clear and clear psychological boundary. If the boundary is unclear, it will make people lose their sense of control, it is difficult to achieve self -independence, and even damage mental health.

Only by rebuilding the boundary can we help us get rid of those people and things that make us uncomfortable when they get along with others.

In order to help you build a healthier sense of boundaries, we have compiled the national table with reference theory such as refusing sensitivity, social dependence, and boundaries to help you understand whether you have established the three sub -dimensions of "refusing", "evaluation", "protection" Health boundary.

In addition, we also refer to the skills and concepts of expression writing, system desensitization method, and subject separation, and the topic separation of topics gives your boundary building suggestions on the results page.

Who is suitable for testing?

人 It is difficult to reject people who request others

于 People who are too sensitive to others

乏 People who lack self -protection in interpersonal relationships

I hope to build a person in the interpersonal line

Do you have a healthy psychological boundary?

Scan the code for free participation testing

The sense of boundary in "The Art of getting along" is described like this: the self -definition between people, the inner self -definition. It does not have a specific outline like the border on the body, but this boundary sense is to protect us in a comfortable state.

I hope that everyone can find a way to form a healthy psychological boundary, and bravely say "no!"

Author: Dotu

Responsible editor: KK

Find your health psychological boundary ~

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