Professor Lu Guijun: After holding a "funeral" for myself, I want to talk about death

For 20 years of medical treatment, Lu Guijun, a painter at the Pain Department of Beijing Tsinghua Chang Geng Hospital, accepted that the hospital was a place for treatment and a place for farewell. After more deeply understanding the death, this year, he held a "funeral" for himself, experienced the old people's bathing and appearance makeup, and received farewell to relatives in the coffin.

In his opinion, the epidemic is an opportunity that gives young people more opportunities to think about death. He wants to talk to young people about death at this time. The following is Lu Guijun's narrative:

Oral | Lu Guijun

Text | Shen San

Edit ｜ Wang Haiyan

I held a funeral for myself

In the Qingming Festival in 2021, I gave myself a "funeral", and Phoenix TV shot the whole process. I first experienced the old people's bathing and dressing up on the remains, and then received goodbye to my loved ones in the coffin.

I remember that when I was scrubbing my body softly, my heart was full of blame, because I found that I did not follow my body for 40 or 50 years, and I did n’t have the heart to see myself. When I lay into the coffin, I felt the difference between me: I listened, I see, I said, and this time I felt for the death of death.

In the last part of the farewell to my loved ones, when my wife and daughter's two hands stroked on my face, I terminated the shooting. In the face of life and death, I have more courage than others, but this "death" experience still made me discover that we will always be on the road.

Figure | Netease Video

I am a painful doctor who has been working for 30 years. Among them, I have been doing tranquility treatment for 25 years. I often face the problem of life and death. In China, the topic of death is relatively taboo. Although we are also keen to talk about life and death, death often cuts in from a third person, such as others dying.

But for me, it is not taboo to talk about death, which means that the first person will describe it. From the first person "I died", to "you died", to "he died", after deep understanding, then thinking in turn to feel what death is.

This is why I have a funeral for myself. The funeral itself is a etiquette, but it is also a choice for the living. One of the needs, which can be cheerful or personalized. It contains a series of problems. If one day you want to leave this world, how do you want to say goodbye? What kind of age, what kind of clothes to wear, who will participate in my funeral, what music is on the funeral ...

"Life Event" stills

I remember that I had a patient who chose to donate cornea when he died. After that, his lover told me: "My husband in this world is still looking for me. At one time, his eyes will see me, and I want to work hard." She did not give her husband any ritual, but sprinkled his ashes into The sea. "The moment he sprinkled his ashes into the sea, I felt instantly that every drop of water in the world has the shadow of the old horse, so I love this world more," she said.

The death of a young man

I first faced death. In 1992, I was 20 years old and worked as an internship doctor in the hospital. A female patient who was the same age had a natural epidemic disease infectious disease, epidemic hemorrhage fever, and gastrointestinal bleeding in the later stage. I saw that she died in the ward, her eyes widened, and her mouth and nose were bleeding. This is the first time I have witnessed death with my own eyes, and my memory is deep.

Prior to that, I thought the doctor was saving the wounded, and the angel in white was beautiful and respected, but at that time, I suddenly realized that in the face of the rescue of people, I was powerless. A colleague also told me that he received 8 years of clinical education and learned how to live, but he did not know how to send it to death. Later, with the increase of work experience, I understood that the hospital was a place for treatment and the place where they farewell. If you cannot understand death, you will face the significance of comprehensively questioning the rescue of the wounded.

The hospital's tumor patients are the most direct people who face life and death. I have a patient, and after graduating from Communication University of China, I have taken graduate students from Peking University and studied computer. During college, I also used my spare time to participate in support for three consecutive years. In August 2020, he was only 24 years old. He detected colon cancer and found tumor metastasis during the right half colon resection.

"Get out! Cancer "

In February this year, when he first entered the hospital, he inserted a gastric tube in his nose, and the inner wall of the gastric tube revealed the yellow and green color. Because of pain, he couldn't sleep for half a month. In order to let him sleep well, I torn off a large paint of red and green behind him and replaced it with vein pumping of morphine. He finally fell asleep that day.

The mother of An An has been paralyzed at home for 7 years and needs to take care of it. But his father came from Gansu and stood quietly by his bed, seeing very restrained. His girlfriend was close to his bed, saying "Baby, I love you, I love you" repeatedly. Later, during the treatment of students, his girlfriend did not sleep all night and recorded his state on his mobile phone. He was calm except tired.

After that, An An's condition suddenly deteriorated, and epilepsy and whole body twitching began to appear. The symptoms gradually became frequent, and the duration became longer. In order to control his seizures, we used anti -epilepsy and sedative drugs to him, hoping to help him keep sleeping.

If he can express, this may be his last choice. I remember that 30 minutes before his death, there were only six people in the room. An An, his girlfriend, his father, two classmates, and me. He was lying quietly on the bed, and the room was very calm, and only her girlfriend's murmur and farewell to her friend. His father stood at the end of the bed silently, silent. Stills of "Entry Division"

At that moment, somehow, I suddenly realized that at the last moment, he might want his father to hold his hand. I don't know if I feel right, and I don't have time to hesitate, but just give them room silently. When his father really walked over and held his hand, An An's breathing stopped.

Later, his father went to the end of the bed and wept, and his girlfriend still held his hand and kept talking. Perhaps it was too attached to this world. After the breathing of An An, the heart still beating for 20 minutes. Everyone was waiting for the moment when the electrocardiogram of the classmate An showed a straight line.

Before the student, An An once hoped that his girlfriend could hold his hand before his real death, and hugged him tightly without leaving his body. So it was not until the last moment that his girlfriend's hand really released. At that moment, she shouted, began to cry heartbreakingly, and released her feelings.

After the death of Classmate An, when his girlfriend found that the candle was ignited, the fire was beating, as if the student's response. From then on, we must commemorate An An in this way. She was grateful for the encounter between the two. An An's silent father and his girlfriend expressed their love ways are obviously different, but the two were not high. Like many people I have seen, even if they reach the end of life, An An is still full of love and is loved. And a person, with love and being loved, can become a happy person.

Of course, I have also seen some people, although healthy, but I want to give birth. Some people have always been lonely at the end of life, hoping to be understood, hoping to be embraced tightly. The weirdness of the disease is to shatter the role and function of life. Schools and society are educating students. Planning tomorrow and the future, there is no retrospective perspective. One of the consequences of this kind of education is that even if some young people have a lot, they are immersed in nothingness and feel helpless. They could have given more help to the society, but now they are always asking, becoming worthless, and they can't find their vitality. Even if the physical disease is relieved, they still feel pain and unwilling to live.

Death education

In life and work, I have encountered some young people and their deaths. For example, there was a young man who had severe fear of death. He was afraid of going to the street since he was a child. Because he was afraid of falling high altitudes, he would have a sense of drowning when taking a bath. He could not close his eyes, and even went to bed at night. Because they are shrouded in death all the time, this young man can hardly live normally.

"Non -Natural Death" stills

When I was working in Hainan, I also met another painful patient. He believed that his existence was worthless. He cut the wrist artery, and his family and medical staff guarded him every day, but one day, he used a convenient bag to use a convenient bag when he went to the toilet. Holding his head, knotting dead, he was still dead.

In my opinion, the situation of these two young people is related to the lack of death education. Relative to the treatment of the disease and save people, if they do not see their inner ice, they cannot reduce their living pain, and help will not help. But our society is indeed more praised those who see the righteousness, and ignore why some people choose to be light. At other times, because of the lack of death education, when risk incidents arrive, people will be frightened because of death fear and anxiety, and they cannot think rationally.

The best time for children's death education is about 6 and a half years old, because at this time he has formed a sense of independence, and he will consider what death is. He will realize that death is always farewell. However, when doing death education, the topic needs to be platform, softened, and warm.

"I'm in his hometown" still

There are some picture books in China to teach us how to talk to their children about life and death. For example, the child asked you that the little Grizzlies were dead. The little white rabbit was particularly sad, but what was going on with death did not make it clear. Maybe we can tell the children like this. Now my parents will send you to school every day, pick up you from school, and accompany you to catch butterflies on the weekend, take you to climb the mountain, buy you delicious, buy particularly beautiful toys. One day my parents will suddenly become angels. Flying in the sky watching you go to school, tell you stories in your dreams at night, hold you to sleep at night. This interpretation of children is more acceptable.

Another fear of death comes from unknown. Some death stress incidents will bring serious mental trauma without rational treatment. For example, a child was stung by a bee. Due to the allergies of bee, he had difficulty breathing. The child's mother was frightened. After 120, he found a good hospital. Finally, the child died on the way to the hospital because of acute throat edema. inside.

This kind of thing must not educate this mother after the incident, how to rescue her children correctly at the time. We should enter the "sad soothing" link in time because it has come to this way. If there is such a post -after -after education, she will suffer for a lifetime. So death education, at this time, should be sorted out based on the consequences of it. But many people should be combed. The death of death itself is not in -depth, it is difficult to avoid this risk afterwards.

Stills of "Bares of Body Dead Doctor"

In China's traditional culture, there is a default death scene, either with storms, thunder and lightning, or small autumn wind, making people feel terrifying and punished.Therefore, when some people face disease, they encounter an unexpected, the first question is why death happened to themselves.This is just like Thomas Cascart's "Everyone will die, but I always think I can't", everyone feels far from death.But now there is an opportunity for an epidemic to give young people more opportunities to think about death. Why, I especially want to talk to young people about death at this time.

(Pain doctor at Beijing Tsinghua Chang Geng Hospital, a doctor of pain department in Xiamen Chang Gung Hospital, experts in the field of life and death and life and death education)

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