There must be "borders" between loved ones (below)

In the last issue, we mentioned that "border sense" is one of the important signs of people becoming an independent individual. However, in intimacy, the situation where the border is blurred or even failed to establish is more common. Some "cross -border" behaviors named "love" have caused harm to intimacy. The key to resolving contradictions is that the party of the "cross -border" should show respect for the "boundary", return to the "boundary", and then communicate rationally with the other party.

[Help you move] Accepting the development and changes of parent -child relationships: Parent -child relationships are developing dynamically. Parents and children play different roles at different stages of life. During the growth stage, children rely on their parents to raise; when they have the ability to live independently, they will no longer rely on their parents' care, and they will even take care of their parents. In this regard, parents should actively adjust their own mentality and establish a relationship of respecting and mutual concern with their children. Rigidity and stubbornness violate the laws of nature.

Recognize the reality and eliminate doubts: Aunt Mu cares about her daughter, cares for her daughter, and the heart of boxing is overwhelming. Nowadays, her daughter has become a mature and insightful adult. In this regard, Aunt Mu should be proud of it, and recognize her daughter's growth, establish confidence and trust in her daughter, and eliminate her concerns and anxiety about her daughter who cannot live in a good life.

Establishing a "boundary" consciousness: The sign of a person growing and mature is independent, and this independence will bring "border sense". Even the closest relatives cannot cross this "boundary" at will. Aunt Mu's daughter's sense of depression and resistance is to maintain the performance of the self -boundary. In this regard, Aunt Mu must realize that her "cross -border" behavior has deeply hurt her daughter and also hurts the feelings between mother and daughter. The "boundary" consciousness of her daughter is a must for her to maintain self and seek security. For the healthy development of parent -child relationships, Aunt Mu should respect him.

Establish a new interactive model: keep a distance of watch and respect the "boundary" of his daughter. Under normal circumstances, you can only make suggestions when you are invited, and try not to "intervene" when you are not invited. If the problem is found, you should remind and provide an analysis in a timely manner, only "staff", and not "generals".

In short, the proper distance between loved ones is not alienation and gap, but a kind of respect and protection.

(Deputy Secretary -General of the Chinese Society of Social Psychology Society, Wang Liquan, member of the Elderly Nutrition and Food Professional Committee of the Chinese Society of Elderly)

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