"Silent Confession": Get rid of the expectations of others and live a free self

There is no warning, a family suddenly falls into tragedy:

The flower season girl Lidia died, but the whole family did not know;

My mother keeps herself in her daughter's room all day;

Father devoted to the embrace of another woman to escape the reality;

Brother stared at the neighbor boy with hatred;

Only the youngest sister knows the truth of the matter, but no one cares.

This family appeared in the debut of Chinese writer Wu Qishi "Silent Confession".

This is a story about self and redemption. Lidia's death is like a fire line, which ignites the precarious relationship between the family members.

Her death is also like a mirror, reflecting the hidden secrets that everyone is trapped by others' expectations and hurting each other.

The words that Lidia did not confess, perhaps the truth of the printed in the book: "Our life is to get rid of the expectations of others and find the real self."

Looking forward to the name of love, fettering life

One day in the middle of the night, 16 -year -old Lidia secretly jumped out of the window and left home. She couldn't swim, and she scratched a boat alone, drove towards the heart of the lake, and then jumped into the bottom of the cold lake.

Lidia is the eldest daughter of James and Marine. She was regarded as a pearl of the palm of her palm by her family since she was a child. She was carefully cultivated. She was a smart and kind, good -looking "other children" in their mouths.

Such a daughter died, the cause of death was suicide, the family was sad and unacceptable, and a lot of questions were raised.

However, the police's investigation revealed Lidia's unknown depression and hidden pain under "thousands of pets."

Mother Marine, who has a detailed plan for Lidia's study and life, she hopes that her daughter will become a doctor or scientist in the future, rather than a ordinary housewife like herself.

Her love for her daughter is to give all her energy, "like cultivating ornamental roses, helping her grow, supporting it with a wooden stick, and shaping its stems and shaping the perfect shape."

Dad James, graduated from Harvard, is a perfect perfectionist. He hopes that his daughter will not only learn better like him, but also as enthusiastic, lively, cheerful, and group as he expects.

His love for his daughter was all kinds of clearly and hints, always appearing "why ...", "Why not ...", in order to urge the daughter.

Lydia was carrying her parents' hot expectations. She is used for almost all of her time every day. She is free to contact her classmates.

She didn't dare to obey, because she was scared.

When she was a child, Marine once left her son and daughter and ran away from home to realize her dream when she was young. A month later, this time I left because the announcement of the pregnancy again was found.

The young Lidia promised that as long as her mother stopped leaving, she could do anything. As long as her parents do not quarrel, she will do their best to meet their expectations.

Although she couldn't do it at all, she had no interest.

But in order not to let her parents disappointed, she only pretended.

She pretends to like her mother about scientific knowledge and report to her high -grade physics lessons. In fact, her grades are getting worse and worse; she pretend to make various friends, but she is just talking to herself -this Everything is to cater to the fiction of parents.

When she was the only brother who understood her to go out to college, her spiritual pillar collapsed -she couldn't make it anymore, and her loneliness, confusion, and unhappiness forced her to a desperate situation.

Just as Wu Qishi wrote:

Family, sometimes it is a cage set in the name of love. The horror is that there is no lock on the door, but you dare not push the door out. You can only roar to accept the arrangement of all love until you finally drowned, or It is discrete by time.

In real life, how many parents have tied all their lives and hopes to the growth of their children, and interpret their love for children with "selfless dedication", but they actually extort them with emotions in the name of love.

How many children are like Lidia. In order to gain the attention and love of their parents, and cater to their expectations, it seems that when they have other ideas, they will be breathless and blame.

Forcibly giving and self -sacrifice is not true love, it will only restrain the freedom of life.

With this kind of love, it is also endless pain and injury to himself.

The expectation of identity, restraint in life

If the puzzle of Lidia's death is further explored, it must be traced back to more than 20 years ago.

At that time, Marin was a outstanding female college student.

Despite growing up in the era when "women should return to family" values, Marin has to take chemistry classes, and experiments are better than boys, and they are admitted to college with excellent results.

For a single -parent family, she couldn't see her mother as a housewife from a young age. Therefore, her hard work is to become different, rather than like the mother's hope, just to marry an excellent man.

At that time, James was a young Chinese professor in college.

As a second -generation immigrant in the United States, his life path is humiliated and inequality. But he persisted in gritting his teeth and admitted to Harvard University.

When he graduated, he was not able to stay in school because of discrimination. He could only go to another school to teach.

James eager to integrate into the surroundings, but his poor family, different skin tone, always made him incompatible.

Even if he has become a professor, the people around him still have not changed.

One who wants to be different, the one who wants to become ordinary, and the pursuit of their identity is the brand that they engraved in their bones.

They saw what they wanted to be on each other, so they fell into love, and they married and had children. The reality is that the trivial life of life is covered with dust.

After Marin's family interrupted her studies and gave up her ideals, she became a housewife in her mother's mouth. James thought that marrying a white -breed could be completely integrated into the American world, but he was still treated differently.

So the husband and wife regretted the regrets that could not be changed to Lydia who looked like the mother.

There is a small detail in the book, which makes people feel how suffocating the expectations of the couple.

When other girls' birthdays and festivals received dolls, skirts, and jewelry, Lydia received a book prepared by her mother, or a paste. Essence

After finally receiving the skirts sent by my father, there were requests: wearing to participate in the ball, and it was very popular. In order to make up for his inferior and lonely father, all social shortcomings.

This exacerbated Lidia's pain.

Because the pursuit of her parents did not continue on her, and they were unable to break through, she was repeating: it was not dazzling and was discriminated against by racialness.

In fact, the loss and persistence of this identity of the couple is also a common problem for many modern people, because gender prejudice and racial prejudice are still social problems.

Schopenhauer said: "One of the most special weaknesses of human nature is to care about how others think of themselves."

In order to get rid of the prejudice of society, many people constantly put pressure on themselves, hoping to get recognition and acceptance, but forgot that everyone has his unique value.

Challenging or integrating into the world is not the most important way for people, nor is it the biggest affirmation of the so -called identity.

The meaning of really alive is to let go of the obsession that cannot be turned back. I believe that the current choice, reconcile with the past, and use a free and comfortable attitude, and find life to return to life.

Don't waste life in the recognition and expectations of others

The survey of dumping cocoon made Lidia's death clearer.

But I think that the expectations and heavy pressure given by parents may push Lidia to the seemingly desperate abyss, but it is still herself who really kills her.

The leaving home of her young mother made her strong and fragile from an ordinary girl.

Her strength is to change the status quo of the family at the cost of meeting the expectations of satisfying her parents.

Her fragility was to be careful and well -behaved, and she never dared to reveal any dissatisfaction. She was too afraid of losing her mother again when she was young, and she was afraid that she could not retain her derailed father.

She was able to resist, like her protecting her sister Hannah.

Hannah has always been a transparent person who was ignored by her parents. When she picked up a gift that her sister was thrown on the ground, Lidia shouted: "You don't need it!"

In their last conversation, she said to Hannah, "If you don't want to laugh, don't laugh." She didn't want her sister's life to be controlled by her parents.

However, Lydia continued to be wronged. Repeating yesterday's days, she had forgotten how to express her true will. She could have been awakened, like her brother Neis.

Ness is also very good at compromising. For example, with the expectations of his parents, he gave up his favorite Yale and Stanford and entered Harvard like his father.

But the difference is that he knows how to persist in himself. He finally realized his dream when he was a child, and became astronauts, flying out of the earth with love.

Lidia did nothing, neither balanced life nor fighting for dreams.

She was trapped in the pain of being restrained, and she has never been clear "who am I" and "What do I want", just like the sad words in the book: "I want to be everyone, except myself."

She didn't have to die, but only Lidia was dead.

Although Lidia died, her death made the family re -examine the relationship between herself and family members.

The James couple began to let go of imperfect dreams and re -accept each other. They no longer look forward to the children, but really care about the two children who have been ignored.

And Nes and Hannah also started to care and close each other, and no longer tried to escape from the home that had been indifferent to them, and gradually integrated into it.

"The wound is still there, in fact, they have already started healing."

Getting rid of the expectations of others and living the life is the deserved meaning of everyone's life. It should not only exist in helpless fantasies.

And recognizing and accepting yourself is the first step of bravery, and it is also the most important step.

No matter how difficult life and experience, life, as long as you allow it to start, everything can be restarted.

Chris Dorifu said: "The road to hell is paved with expectations."

The saddest thing in life is to gain the recognition of others, ignore your own feelings, and live your life in the expectations of others.

Living in the expectations of others, no matter how well you do it, you can't satisfy others, just as you wrote in the book: "You will never get what you want, you just learn how to get it."

And even in the self -planning, even if it fails, it belongs to "I" without regret.

The choice of life is always in your hands.

Author | northern is good, Yiran self -reliance young girl blog, observe social love life

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