I only found out that I found that it was really difficult to think of bias.

Since having a hair cake, I will inevitably be asked a question: How to be fair between the second child?

For example, some time ago, I brought rice cakes to Tibet to travel to Tibet, and "lost" the hair cake back to my hometown for ten days. There are many messages saying:

"Cake Mom, why don't you bring your hair? Only one child, don't you feel sorry for another?"

Seriously, I was quite afraid of this problem before. As a second child, there will always be a kind of guilt. Today, I feel sorry for this, and I owe that tomorrow. The most helpless is that you obviously want to try your best to balance their love for them, but in the end the child still feels "unfair".

I also grew up with the two cakes and slowly summarized some experiences to become much more calm. Today, I also use this opportunity to share and discuss with you ~

Our editor's sisters once told such a story:

When she was a child, her parents often bought her and her brother to buy a box of drinks. Every time she was one person, one bottle, the same, it sounded fair? But she loves to drink pure milk and juice. The younger brother loves sour and cola, and every time the family buys, the younger brother loves to drink.

The so -called exactly makes her more wronged.

It is also the truth to go to Tibet to play. The same journey is very happy to my brother, and it may be "cruel" for my brother.

We drive self -driving. We have to drive an average 7 -hour car every day. We eat all kinds of convenient foods. The place is very simple. The place is more than 4,000 meters above sea level. To. Don't look at the rice cakes happily, and wake up several times because they are not suitable for crying at night.

And the hair cake, just 2 and a half years old, I estimate that the 3 -hour drive is already his limit. If you really bring him, you will definitely not eat well, and you will cry and go home that day. On the other hand, he was in his hometown, playing water, sand, picking vegetables, picking vegetables, and playing with fish.

It is not just the same as fairness. To figure out what the baby needs, spend energy on a better thing for them, that kind of intention and response is what they care about.

Of course! Sometimes I am fierce, and I will talk to the cake dad in private: There is no good one for the two sons ~

But calm down, I can understand:

Brothers and sisters are natural competitors. They all think that they should get all their love and attention of their parents, and expect them to love each other and love each other? How can there be such a good thing! You can only worry about parents.

It is easy to understand, and it is not easy. I also explored a lot of "end water" techniques for the second child, 4 of which I think is very important- I think it is very important-

Many parents will say:

"It is not easy for us to make money, you have to be sensible, first buy it for your younger brother!"

"Sister's toy, shouldn't my sister play?"

No such truth.

My brother's thing is my brother, letting my brother play is a virtue, but it is also his right to refuse. We should respect. Thinking in other places, if the boss ordered you to give your things to other colleagues; your husband thinks that your clothes and jewelry should also be used for your mother -in -law, will it be very good?

"I might be willing, but if you say this, I don't want to say it" -the child is the same!

The boss was worried that his younger brother and sister would "grab" the love of his parents. The parents would be more aggrieved and disappointed, jealous of younger brothers and sisters, and even using violence.

The second child has been "let" grow up since he was a child, and he will slowly form the central thinking of "everyone has to let me" and transform into a "bear child".

The boss and the second child are all children, they have to take care of it, and they can't just say that they must work hard to do it ~

When the child is born and the year -old banquet, relatives and friends only turn around the second child? The boss is inevitably lost and unbalanced. Try to prepare a surprise gift for the boss, congratulations to your brother/sister, this year has worked hard.

And when the second child is a little bigger, the two start to grab things. As parents, they really have to learn "random response".

Sometimes, the division is indispensable.

Everyone likes to eat vegetables and snacks, and everyone loves to eat.

(The extra order, the adult eats it by himself), sometimes the child cares about this ~

But most of the time, equality is more important.

For example, when you plan to buy gifts for your child, first ask them: "You can choose one gift one person, which one do you want to pick?" It will be more intimate than the direct one.

There is only one, nor does it take for granted to who to buy and return. You can rotate through lottery, scissors stone cloth, etc.

I secretly gave my brother more, but he took the initiative to give his brother

Sometimes, the children are not competing for that mouth, but that little preference and respect.

When there are bumps on the teeth and tongue, the two children are even more like to stay together all day long. Sometimes they hug and make trouble again. Many parenting books have mentioned: "The best way is to don't blend, just make them noisy."

But back to reality, I don't know how others do it, I sometimes can't bear it. The sound of the two was louder and louder, and my head was buzzing! At this time, I couldn't do "laughing and seeing life", "not moving like a mountain", and would choose to separate them.

My brother entered his brother's room, his brother returned to his brother's room, and the two were calm for half an hour.

It is magical that when entering the room, the brothers are usually angry, but they can be separated for a while. The two children can reconcile quickly. It may be the "embarrassing period" after the child is forgetful, and there is no even after no quarrel. Everyone understands that the more noisy and fierce when they are emotional. For a while, the rain was sunny.

I have read a book "Pinghe Education (Multi -Girl)" before, which is mentioned in it, I feel deeply:

"Don't be a referee between children."

Parents of more children are easily brought to a referee position. Everyone feels that they are more rational, and no one is convinced. They want to pull their parents in "standing". But waiting for you to judge, they will feel you: "unfair", "eccentric".

So, it is better to be a translator and "translate" the ideas of the two children to convey to each other to help them solve the problem together.

You can tell them, "What do you actually want" and "Why is my brother sad?" This more objective translation model can help them solve the problem easier and peacefully.

Where does the child do not do well? When you choose everyone to communicate alone when you are more relaxed, like my family often says to the cake when my brother is in school:

"Today is your brother first, not who we cry, we will help who we will help."

When reading the rice cake before going to bed, tell him:

"You can make trouble with your brother, this is normal, but be careful not to hurt your brother."

Don't say "Why don't you have a younger brother?" "Brother is more excellent than you" comparison. Every child is special. This will not only make the children hate each other, but also make him "break the jar".

Also, let go of the baggage, and be with a baby alone to perform an event he likes (excluding watching TV, playing mobile phones ...), have you tried this only time?

It's really useful! Very healing!

Last year, I took the cake to the Sichuan -Tibet line for 7 days. In those days, I was just his mother. At least 2 months after returning, he was particularly good to maintain his brother everywhere and not jealous with his brother. Because he confirmed: "Even if I have a brother, my love is still unique."

Of course, not every time you have to be so grand. Pumping is empty, even if only 10 ~ 15 minutes each time with the child alone, there will be a big difference

For a period of time, he gave all the love of a child. When he was unbalanced in his heart and was sad and grieving, thinking of these warm moments, he still felt sparkling.

Don't look at me as a master of water, in fact, I also know that the bowl of water in the second child is uneven. When the master has more salt and less salt, the mother is also a person. How can he do it once?

The hair cake is now more than 2 years old, and the real Terrible 2, do not hang on the mouth all day. The rice cake feels that we always have less time to our younger brothers. Some time ago, I was tired of work. When I got home, I saw the two children noisy because of some trivial things.

Here I have to hold my brother and coax, and my brother over there is a snack. Essence

To be honest, every time I have this situation, I am more uncomfortable than rice cakes. Some mothers also feel the same, and even leave a message to me saying that they often fall into the bad emotional cycle of "roaring children → blame".

Adults also have the right to be unhappy, and they will have emotional out of control, and they will handle improper things. This is a common sense. It has happened, and continuous negative emotions have no sense. We must find a way to solve it.

If you feel that you do not do well, you may wish to communicate with your child positively afterwards and tell him your feelings, apologies and hard work sincerely.

Children are the easiest to forgive parents, because you love each other ~

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