Why can't you live with yourself?

"Ma Nan Po Jack"

Author | Lin Liqing

Grade -Cool Brain Creative

Artist | Xue Jinjin

Edit | Small Note

There is always no way to accept the current situation. "I think I should be more than that", but the reality always seems to be unsatisfactory. Why?

1. The gap between ideal and reality is easy to hurt people

Some netizens once said that the movie "The King of Comedy" is a demon mirror, which can let you see your dreams and look out of your unbearable.

This 20 -year movie was still talked about today because it gave countless people's strength.

Yin Tianqiu, played by Xingye, dreams of becoming an actor.

He studied the theory of performance and how to act -even if he only played a dead body, he had his own ideas.

But the director did not recognize: you just play a good dead corpse, just run a dragon, what do you want to do so much?

So in the set, Yin Tianqiu became a ridiculous existence: the more you try hard to play a good show, the more everyone thinks he dragged his progress more.

Even the uncle who sent a box lunch did not look at him as a person, and laughed at him in ugly words.

Change to others may have collapsed at this moment. The more beautiful dreams, the more cruel shows are.

But Yin Tianqiu still laughed and said: Even if you look down on me, I am still an actor.

Even if the whole world does not understand him, ridicule him, his dream of the actor is hindered, and it makes him look incompatible, but he watched the movie poster on the wall, and he could continue to wake up the next day and continue to wake up the next day. Dreams work hard.

He is not frustrated, but he can quickly adjust his mentality to face these gaps, so no matter what kind of blow, he can accept it frankly.

Because of this, the role of Yin Tianqiu deeply affected generations.

On the other hand, many times, we lack this open -minded and toughness of Yin Tianqiu.

Faced with the gap between ideals and reality, it often becomes decadent and denying yourself. In severe cases, you even choose to escape and even refuse to accept reality.

Just as the life of Kenananan in "The Story of the American Crime", his father had a life -threatening life and entered Wall Street as a stockbroken, and lived a rich life in his family.

But later, he encountered a successive failure, and his father who had a very face was extremely face. So he pretended to be a cooperation every day, creating all the illustrations that were very successful, and cheated his family.

Of course, the paper couldn't cover the fire. His father later had problems in his operation. The police came to arrest him. At this time, he still chose to escape and drop his family and ran abroad to hide.

As a result, Kunanan's life was completely changed, and his father's behavior became an important thrust he later embarked on the road of crime.

It can be seen that in the face of unwillingness and gaps in life, our attitude is crucial.

If this gap cannot be effectively handled, our lives will not only fall into chaos, but also internal mental state will be deeply affected.

2. Internal self -conflict affects your mental health.

How much do we know ourselves?

When we clearly recognize what capabilities, advantages and disadvantages we have, and to have an objective evaluation of ourselves, it is not so easy to produce unreasonable expectations.

In other words, even if our performance is unsatisfactory in reality, we have the ability to digest and adjust cognition, rather than cognitive rigidity, and refuse to accept.

"The New Life of 凪"

From a psychological point of view, this is a state of self -harmony and self. It refers to the internal coordination and the coordination between self and experience. It is a psychological phenomenon that has no conflict in a person's self -concept.

If there is a gap between self -experience between self and experience, inner tension and disturbance will occur, that is, a state of "conflict".

The psychologist Rogers regards such conflicts as an important reason for psychological disorders. This is because people cannot be safe in "division". People need consistency of consciousness. When we perceive the reality and I have uncoordinated with me, we will automatically turn on the defense mechanism, such as denial, retreat, etc.

When you have a strong self -conflict, you will often derogate and doubt yourself. In others' opinion, you may be a person who lacks confidence and self -proclaimed.

Not only that, this "conflict" will also interfere with your work and life, because you are not sure what you want, whether you can be competent, and you can't express your feelings clearly, you will keep you in trouble You may not realize that it is a self -conflict.

Does self -conflict just bring anxiety simply?

Self -conflict is also closely related to self -realization.

Maslow's demand level theory defines the needs of self -realization as the highest demand.

Humanist psychologist Karl Rogers believes that everyone can achieve their goals, desires and desires in their lives. If they do this, self -realization will happen.

However, if a person wants to realize himself, TA's ideal and actual self must be in a consistent state.

Our childhood experience and little bit of real life have internalized into our self -evaluation system, reflecting the ideal self we want to be. The smaller the gap between our ideals and real self, the more consistent we are, the higher our sense of self -worth.

If some things in a person's real experience are unpredictable, or unacceptable, and in the ideal self -image, they are denied or distorted, and they are in a state of self -conflict and inconsistency. However, how to understand whether you are in a state of self -conflict? What about the path of self -implementation?

Recommended test

"Self -conflict Test"

Only on the road of self -realization

Walk enough clear enough

Only by meeting the real self

1 minute

37 questions

Accurate understanding

Are you in a state of self -conflict?

4000 words report

Coordination, flexibility, tolerance

Three major dimensions analyze the degree of self -conflict

Help you understand

Is it enough to accept self

Whether self -cognition is in line with reality

Whether the incident is flexible enough

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Bleak

-The measures of the crowd-

1. People who are often disappointed in life in life

2. Those who feel "unable to live"

3. People who are inner chaos and tension, no confidence

4. People who have difficulty in self -expression

-In Introduction to R & D Team-

Cool brain psychological evaluation research and development team owns

Professional psychology and neuroscience background,

Members are from top academic universities at home and abroad,

Including Yale University, King College of London, Durun University, Texas University Austin, University of Sydney, University of Birmingham, Zhejiang University, etc.

Most of the degree of psychology -related doctoral degree or above

-pay attention-

The results of this test cannot be used as a basis for the diagnosis of psychological and mental illness.

If you need professional diagnosis, please go to the hospital psychiatry or psychological counseling department for diagnosis;

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