"The most bitter boy in Tsinghua" suddenly swiped the screen: He was frying with bad cards, why did he?

Today is the 3188th day of intensive reading Jun to accompany you for life -long growth

01

Recently, I saw the story of "Tsinghua's most bitter boy" in the circle of friends.

The protagonist of the story published a long article on Tsinghua University's anonymous platform tree hole in the tone of the first person to tell the story of how he read Tsinghua in the poverty.

Later, this long article was reposted to major platforms by netizens because of his simple and moving person, and it burst into the Internet.

Many people said that they were crying, not because of the bitterness of his poverty, but because of his perseverance in the predicament.

"Since I go to college, I can't get a penny at home, the tuition fee of 5,000 yuan, and the accommodation fee of 750. These are astronomical numbers 7 years ago."

This is the beginning of a long text.

The boy said that he was admitted to Tsinghua in the top ten provinces, but because the family was too poor, all the expenses in the freshman year relied on the school's scholarships and scholarships.

All scholarships and scholarships in the one -school year add up to 13,000, and he calculates a account:

Deduct 6,500 miscellaneous fees, and there are 6,500 yuan. Deduct 3,300 yuan to buy a computer, there are 3,200 yuan. 3200 yuan for 8 months, 400 yuan a month.

In other words, 400 yuan is his 30 -day cost of clothing, food, and transportation. Among them, 100 yuan, it is also used for bathing, haircuts, calls, emergency ...

Therefore, his daily food costs are only 10 yuan:

Breakfast is more than one bowl: a bowl of soy milk 4 cents+2 small buns 5 cents+eggs 1 lunch and four pieces: 4 meters of rice+half soup, mix the soup in the rice, snoring and eaten in the sparse. Four pieces of dinner: 4 meters of rice+a little vegetarian.

The rice swelled cheaply, and he would not be hungry after eating. It was his staple food.

And cabbage, tofu, white radish, bean sprouts ... These dishes that look not on the table are ordinary hard dishes for him. If you can eat sweet and sour meat, it is a rich meal.

Seeing others drinking drinks and eating watermelons on a hot day, I secretly swallowed myself and comforted myself: "The heart is quiet and natural."

In this life, he lasted for two years. Until the junior began to teach, his life gradually improved.

But in his self -report, you can't read inferiority, self -laughed, self -deprecating, and complaints, and some are only confident, optimistic, humorous and positive.

For example, the cheapest and simplest food is eaten, but he described it like a peerless treasure: "Every time you eat it, you are particularly satisfied, it feels delicious. ,really tasty."

Even the phrase that made everyone distressed optimistically: "I didn't expect to only eat rice and vegetables can grow meat, is it amazing?"

When traveling to and from school and home on holidays, he was sitting at half a cheap green -leather hard seat air -conditioning train. Even if you can't buy a ticket, the distance of nearly 12 hours, in his opinion, "move a small bench to read a book."

The most surprising thing is that after studying, he felt that he was a teaching assistant and continued to work part -time, so he could support himself, so he rejected the application for school assistance.

Later, he took 3,200 yuan per semester to fund 4 poor children in his hometown.

He said, because of this along the way, he was helped by many people, and he wanted to pass on this love.

02

When Zhang Guimei was interviewed, the host said: "This is a high school for girls in poor mountainous areas."

Zhang Guimei corrected: "We did not mention the word" poverty ", and poverty is also a kind of privacy for them. We are called" Girls in Dashan "."

Why hide the word "poverty"? Because she knows how shamefulness brings by poverty can easily affect students' physical and mental.

For example, in an article, a self -media author mentioned that this kind of shame brought psychological harm to himself.

She said that the conditions at home were not good when I was a child. Once the city's construction facade project asked each elementary school student to donate 10 yuan (the box lunch at the time was 2 yuan and 5 cents a day), and then her parents told her Don't donate anymore. "

That donation, except her, donated all the children.

She couldn't forget her classmates looking at her eyes: "Cut, this money is pulled", let alone the facade engineering built a ticket to each donation student, but she did not have everyone's eyes ...

As shame, just like wearing underwear, it makes people feel that they are completely exposed to the review of others. It is an extremely uncomfortable physiological reaction.

In addition, most of the negative psychological feelings similar to shame, such as frustration, helplessness, etc., most of them will make people inferior and timid. Even when they encounter difficulties, they have not tried to break the game. "PUA":

"Why am I not doing this little thing, I am really useless!" "Others are so good at socializing, but I do n’t deal with interpersonal relationships, it’ s really garbage! ”...

But in that tree hole, you can't see that the male protagonist has such a negative psychological feeling based on the weak person, let alone become timid, self -abandonment, and some are just the responsibility and responsibility of the strong identity.

He worked hard and actively participated in the campaign as the head of work. At the time of graduation, he spent 2,000 yuan in the name of the squad leader, and asked his classmates to have a meal.

Instead of inferiority, he was not inferior, but he was also grateful to life in the lines.

He was grateful to the classmates who did not dismantle themselves because they had no money to participate in collective activities;

He is grateful to Tsinghua University's resources and funding, grateful to the school for free water, so that he has saved a lot of water fees; he was grateful to the company's funding for him, and also sent the first smartphone and the first bicycle in his life;

He was even grateful to the native family that could not give any economic support, because his parents were healthy, he could not take care of it.

He regarded the grace of the society, collective, and individuals as a gift of fate.

Therefore, he is willing to use the same way to return the society and let others enjoy this grace.

03

Someone saw the commendable ambition on the heroine of Tsinghua Shudong, but I appreciated his powerful core.

There are two kinds of people in this world, one is very frank in the face of difficulties and failures, and the more frustrated.

Although they will be sad for a while, they can recover soon, just like the purse bumper of the ball, they can cheer themselves up immediately, just like the male protagonist.

There is also a kind of person who is used to "self -PUA". Once you have been pierced because of the shortcomings, or if you have not done one thing, you will immediately collapse. After that, it takes a long time to restore your mood. Essence

What made these two people's different reactions?

In the book "Heart Fire", it mentioned:

Human psychological inertia has two types of positive and negative circulation. These two people are completely different in the face of failure and predicament.

People with positive circulation are "self -encouraged". In the face of setbacks, they tend to be reasonable. It will not completely think that it is your own fault, nor will it be blamed for others and the outside world irresponsible, but also has the ability to build psychological construction and soothe yourself.

Therefore, their emotions will become more and more positive in their own incentives, and the positive emotions will promote them better.

The negative cycle is "self -strike". In the face of failure, they tend to be one -sided internal attribution, besieged to themselves, and find problems in themselves.

Different from people who are in a positive cycle, after they attribute them, they have no power to summarize their experiences and change themselves. The next round of failure.

Then, they were completely reduced to "in the face of anything, I couldn't do anything".

Those who often "self -pua" because of their dilemma are mistakenly entered this negative cycle.

How can we overcome this psychological inertia and cultivate a powerful kernel?

First of all, do not need to seek perfection, nor do you use the standards of others to ask yourself.

To put it plainly, you must be able to accept yourself at every stage, and you must accept that you are not so good.

Secondly, it is their own self -trainer. They continue to conduct cognition and behavior training to exercise our muscles.

Lin Yin, the author of "Heart Fire", talked about his own experience:

When she was a child, she was used to being used to it, so she was often used to the negative evaluation of others.

Until one day, the newly transferred Chinese teacher appreciated her very much, and always faced the compassion of her writing in front of her classmates, which made her a little flattered.

The Chinese teacher's opposite evaluation of her has shaken her self -awareness.

"I am not necessarily‘ stupid, unsteady person ’in the mouth of a teacher. Instead, it is very prominent and talented in some ways.”

When she realized that she was not the one who had nothing to do, and began to see her flash point, she no longer blindly blamed herself, but instead distressed her experience.

At this moment, she stood with her, and this "self -cognitive shaking" was a new beginning.

Even if you can't fight back in the face of bad reviews, or the counterattack is invalid, as long as you firmly do not agree with those evaluations of those who are not public and with filters, your kernel will not be changed, and you will not fall into the strange circle of "self -PUA". Essence

04

The world is actually very unfair. There is a large courtyard in life, sitting in a wealthy and prosperous. Some people are born in the desperate state, and they must be hard to crawl out.

But I always feel that as long as you have a powerful core, no matter how hard you can, you can actively do something in the difficulties and come back against the wind in the difficulties.

Just like "the most bitter boy in Tsinghua", with such a kernel, he played with a bad card with one hand.

"Maybe when facing destiny, we must not help sighing the power of human beings, but if we can't change the fact of living, we will change the attitude of living."

mutual encouragement.

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