"This X work, I can't persist anymore"

Hi, this is the first phase of the "I have a question" column.

The big factory layoffs, the most difficult employment season in history, the entrance examination is becoming more intense ... The external environment has caused many people to feel realistic pressure. At the same time, different professional personal stories have also triggered people's discussion: from New Oriental Teacher to Dong Yuhui, who sells the goods live, has a monthly salary of 1.8W but not meaningful. How to find their own position at work is a problem that everyone will encounter.

When the outside becomes uncontrollable, can we seek the answer to professional questions inward? We invited Diao Wei, a national second -level psychological counselor and a simple forest health center consultant to talk to us. These disturbing career issues.

01

The work is painful because it always makes people feel that they are "not good enough"

Simple psychology: Among visitors you are in contact, are there many people who do consultation/evaluation because of professional problems?

Diao Wei: I think it's almost half, and there are still more.

Simple psychology: so many.

Diao Wei: Yes. After all, for ordinary people, work occupies most of the time, and it also occupies a large part of psychological resources.

Simple psychology: What problems do they usually encounter?

Diao Wei: Some of them cannot find the value of self, which has something to do with career choices. The TAs are very confused. I don't know if we want to make a choice again, but the reality is that re -selection may mean giving up a lot of accumulated contact experience.

On the other hand, there may be that high pressure, such as leaders will compare PUSH or have some PUA problems.

There may be self -pressure. That is, I can't reach the expectations of the organization, and I can't reach the expectations of the leader. Isn't that I don't work hard enough? I have put myself like this now, how can I work hard? It is a very helpless and passive state.

Simple psychology: Is there any problem in these types of them particularly typical?

Diao Wei: There is still a lot of high pressure. I feel that I can't reach my ability, and the result is not good enough. Then this kind of pressure on self.

Many times it seems that there is a high expectation and high requirements in the outside, but in fact you carefully explore the psychological structure of the visitor. Some of the cognitive and growth experience of TA can be seen. In fact, many of them are inner inner in their own inner inner. Experience.

I think I should be a very capable person. I should be able to make some Amazing work results, but in fact, in fact, I didn't seem to have done anything, and even some of them may not reach my original expectation. It will be self -pressure and self -attack, and you may slowly appear anxious and depressed. This is actually a person who stops himself through illness. Think about what happened to himself and how to adjust it? This is more typical.

Simple psychology: Why does it have such a strong frustration without reaching your own expectations? Can you start talking?

Diao Wei: This may be very related to maintaining a "perfect" feeling in the relationship between people and people at all times.

There is a concept of psychology called "narcissism".

If a child needs to be taken good at childhood and the emotional response is more timely, the child will feel that I am good, and the world is safe. When growing up, a more real self will form a good feeling in real relationships, that is, the feeling of narcissism.

TAs will show a relatively healthy narcissistic, such as doing work well, expressing themselves moderately, and moderately pursuing a state of efficient and excellent work in the work. This is a relatively healthy narcissistic.

But if the needs of a child are not taken care of well, or ignored, accused, or long -term separation with his parents, he may feel that I am not good. Return to an imagination and maintain the feeling that it is good, which forms a false self, it is very fragile.

When a child like this grows up, he may rely on the evaluation of others to maintain his narcissism. If the external evaluation feedback is better, TA will feel that I am good. If there is a bad evaluation, TA will feel that the whole person will be bad.

Such a narcissism that is formed in a state of false self and is satisfied with external evaluation may over -pursue perfection. Because TA has no way to face the feeling of not being good and perfect enough, it will continue to pressure itself.

Simple psychology: You just said that PUA is also a common problem, which seems to have something to do with self -identity. Many times the reason why PUA is so lethal is because it makes a person doubt his value, even if this evaluation is not objective.

Diao Wei: Yes.

In addition to the narcissistic problems mentioned above, there is another reason that whether the self -identity is stable.

For example, I feel that I am a more optimistic and cheerful person, and a more capable person.

However, under a certain authority, it may suddenly become cowardly, and it is very doubtful for yourself, because of the negation of this authority, he immediately questioned his previous cognition of himself.

At this time, you can see if your own self -weaker is weaker, but we need to continue to strengthen.

Simple psychology: What will the consultant do for this visitor?

Diao Wei: Because the consultation relationship itself is a relatively secure environment, it can rejoice and understand you. There is no criticism and reflection. So any emotional distress and concerns can be displayed in the consultation and discussed. Let's see what is the reason that makes you feel sleepy. For example, the excessive self -pressure just said, let's take a look at the reasons it formed together, and see what impact on us in the early years with our parents? Let us better understand our current situation. Then with the TAs to face the unbearable emotions that are unbearable in the face of the narcissistic damage, make the TA feel safe, support, learn to accept their emotions, accept themselves without such perfect self, and then give birth to more self -self. strength.

▷ The Japanese drama "Banze Naoki"

02

Feeling that work is meaningless, it is a particularly good opportunity for psychological growth

Simple psychology: I collected some messages from our readers yesterday. Some of the first points you just said were a bit a bit, that is, I have a decent job of others, but TA has no sense of control in my work and I can’t find it. Meaning, what do you think?

Diao Wei: You remind me, in fact, there are quite a lot of such visits. And there are many men.

This may have something to do with the true self in the TA. Many people often can't find their own, I don't know where they really need, or they know that they are drowned by many external voices.

It may start at a very young age. In order to cater to the expectations of parents or teachers, including catering the expectations of society, we are taking a so -called correct path. But TA's inner voice seemed to have never been allowed.

For example, when a child was young, a person was very interested in sports, but parents did not let you learn Olympic. It is said that sports is developed with developed limbs and simple brains. Let's don't make a similar sound. Slowly all kinds of sounds may have no initiative.

What do I want, what do I like, what I like, slowly be suppressed, and in the end I may become my mother like this, the teacher likes this, and the leader likes this ...

How can TA have this sense of meaning from the heart? Maybe many confusion and sense of meaninglessness are developed by compulsory and repeatedly developed.

Simple psychology: What will the consultant do this to help him do something? Is it too late to find this inner voice now?

Diao Wei: It may be more important than this problem: WOO ~~ You have such a voice now.

You start to feel uncomfortable, and realize that it seems that you are not living for yourself. What you live is what others expect, as if you forget yourself.

At this time, entering the psychological counseling is actually a good time. With such a perception inside, it means that you may want to start changing. As for whether you can change, of course, you also have to work with the consultant: allow the inner voice that has been suppressed for many years and is suppressed for many years, and the voice of the inner child comes out.

Let them be heard and seen. Make this voice louder, bigger, and make it more powerful. It may begin at this time.

But the premise is that you must have such a perception first. Some people are very dull and live in a state of being looking forward to being arranged by others. Sometimes they enjoy it because they have not grown to that step. But the evaluation system of others will actually change, so you will inevitably be frustrated.

These experiences have reached the process of confused and meaningless people in the process of growing up, but they have grown to a relatively difficult step, so I see my bad state. At this time, more strength is needed. When we do not have enough strength, we will ask for help, such as asking friends, helping books, and some people ask for help with consultants.

Simple psychology: Actually it is a good thing, and it is also possible.

Diao Wei: Yes, it is a very good opportunity to grow.

▷ The Japanese drama "Re -Edition! "

03

Put yourself a horse, 60 points is also possible

Simple psychology: Some readers say that he has nightmares every day when he is working, feels anxious, depressed, does not want to go out and does not want to move, and some people say that they have resigned for a few months before they slowly come from that job. If you encounter such a visitor, what will the consultant do?

Diao Wei: This seems to be a kind of help signal sent before collapse. At this time, you may have to look at himself now, that is, the child in the inside, what exactly do he want to express?

Does he want you to stop, or do you want you to make a adjustment? Still don't like to do these things at all, but you seem to be pressing on TA, and keep TA persist in hard scalp.

Is there fear behind that? Is there anxiety? What are you scared? Are you afraid that you can't find a better job after you have unemployment? Still afraid of family or this social evaluation system? Or your evaluation of yourself: If you can't persist anymore, it means that your ability is not strong enough?

The sound behind this can be carefully listened during the consultation, and take a look.

Let's face this part together and have a deeper understanding and acceptance of ourselves. Then such anxiety and fear have changed from an out of control to a controllable state. You can do some different psychological construction or adjustments to this. Simple psychology: It's like a little monster who attacked you in a dark place, and put it in the feeling of the Ming Dynasty.

Diao Wei: This is quite vivid. Yes, pull it out. Let's take a look together.

It is hidden behind it, and you will feel the invisible, but the sense of fear and anxiety it brings to you is very drowned. Make you unable to start to make any adjustments and changes. You are trapped here.

Simple psychology: It seems that the consultant is the one who pulled it out with you.

Diao Wei: Yes, I give you a certain courage, and then lend you some perspectives to lend you some people like such strength. Sometimes it is.

Simple psychology: The last question, I think that many people have a lot to do with the environment. For example, this environment is very rolled, and the people around them are very good and hard work. The company also tells you 996. Is it possible to find your inner voice through such a special environment?

Diao Wei: We may indeed have no way to control the pressure brought by this environment, but this does not mean that we must bear all the burdens.

We can try to adjust our mentality as much as possible to see how to turn passiveness into initiative, such as finding some job content that we can handle to change from that is pressed, so that ourselves can get some sense of control.

In addition, just like what I just said, to perceive whether I have such a self -pressure, I feel that everything needs to be perfect.

If you really find that a part of the job makes you feel out of control, you feel that you can't be competent. At this time, you can put yourself a horse and allow yourself to allow yourself not to be so perfect. It is OK to complete the work. It is OK without being so beautiful.

Simple psychology: I think this allows many people to particularly need it, that is, TA is uncomfortable. In fact, a large reason is that TA does not allow you to 60 points.

Diao Wei: Yes. Allow yourself to take care of yourself.

▷ The Japanese drama "Banze Naoki"

I have a question

Vol.01

Cooperative consultant: Diao Wei

Author: Li Qiwei

Responsible editor: KUMA

Cover map Source: Japanese drama "Re -Edition! "

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