[High -end original poetry platform] Yunfan Poetry Club 532 Better Evaluation

In this issue, Yunfan Shi Jian is based on the time of the time of the commentators

Old house

Chen Zhen

Parents live in heaven, and my brother moves to the countryside.

Who is the Jiashan Fu? Only Yan Qiliang.

[Ban Yin Lu comment] Parents are there, home is there. Parents have passed, and the brothers are also in a foreign country. Why is there a home? This emotion is best resonated. Poems are simple. In the end of the scene, the straightforward poems are slightly cut. However, the poem seems to be based on the rhythm, and it is feasible, but the emotions are finally tested, and the lack of feeling.

Mix Liangpi Opera

Wei Sanmu

Tun Ding is not talented, and Yi Yin Yin dumped.

Tianshe is full of my belly, and the means can be adjusted.

[Ban Yin Luzhan] The whole poem is based on a character. Others are tuned and naughty. Those who tune the Ding, the talent of governing the country, can do it. In terms of meat, the meat is also thin, and it is difficult for the craftsmen to do it. Therefore, Yi Yin Yin is hard to be a teacher. When it comes to yourself, he also secretly deducts the title. Self -mockery, self -mockery. Although it is said, the technical content is not low. Interesting, readers can understand.

Renyin Nian Xia Yonglin Lake

Minhua Mountain

One lake embraced thousands of mountains, and joined hands with the breeze.

The sunset knows the sunset, and I have dyed the clouds.

[Banyin Lu Dian] The swimming characters of the topic are unpopular in the poem. The first two sentences are in service scene, which is quite atmospheric. Houke two words. Unfortunately, the turnover falls into the custom. The non -apprentice did not see the aesthetics and turned off before.

With the elder brother, the second brother Yu Yanhe Baizi Tower

Linsen

Wandering under the double cypress, the tower shadow was overwhelmed.

The peaks and mountains are short, and the clouds are low.

Talking about Xuan and laughing, picking up and carrying each other.

Brother Tao Lin passed, and his return to west.

[Ban Yin Lu's comment] Poetry has entered one time, and it is returned from lingering and lingering. The sidelines of the linked and freehand of the neck are good. However, it is unnecessary to insert unnecessary peach forest.

See the rainbow after thunderstorm

Jiang Changdian

The thunder ignored the drums, and the city hidden peaks were empty.

Thousands of horses and thousands of military hoofs went to the disease, and a long bow was left in the sky.

[Su Jun Comments] Good for making momentum, such as turning. I want to fall out of the sky, and I can push a hand.

Title Wanhe Zhengui Zhenju

Yao Quan's name

What is the use of Qunfeng, leaning back.

One water can take the moon, and the second floor is a support book.

Because of the hedge chrysanthemum, it is a pond fish.

Lingyou, Doriya, took this poem into this house.

[Su Jun commented] Nothing is not bad. The second couplet is particularly artistic. Jiyou also reflects the master's will, and the gas is muddy.

Deng Er Battle

Xiao Yuhan

Only after Mengquanjing, Yunshan was far from true.

Guan He was crying, and the plants and trees were dusty.

Sudden rainstorm, Changting can be treated.

At the place where the tree flowers are scattered, why should you ask the cause.

[Su Jun Comments] The Lianlian has won the Ministry of Industry. The rhyme won.

Tap Shaxing · Lian Lian

Zhao Xiumin

The blue water is fragrant, and the white clouds are brushing. Luo Yi Light Belt Yaoshan. Who knows who knows at night?

Du Lu was silent, with the column Xiaoxian. Waves don't get rid of themselves. Hengtang people went back to look back, and this heart was clear.

[Su Jun comment] That is, things are people, and the scene is born. Ethics, elegant, calling for his title.

Farewell

Li Yunhua

Tired of the dust to the dust, the unmanned mountain trail falls into flowers. Xiao Temple crossed the hospital when the wind was windy, and the cold peaks were scattered.

The stream was sitting down, calling me, where Xianyuan flushed. I returned from the cliff without a word, and returned.

[Su Jun comment] The small order is directly creating the situation of Taibai.

Title Wanhe Zhengui Zhenju

Yao Quan's name

What is the use of Qunfeng, leaning back.

One water can take the moon, and the second floor is a support book.

Because of the hedge chrysanthemum, it is a pond fish.

Lingyou, Doriya, took this poem into this house.

[Wang Hai Liang Comments] Imagine strange and unexpected. The ideal or stubbornness of scholars should be like this.

Deng Er Battle

Xiao Yuhan

Only after Mengquanjing, Yunshan was far from true.

Guan He was crying, and the plants and trees were dusty.

Sudden rainstorm, Changting can be treated.

At the place where the tree flowers are scattered, why should you ask the cause.

[Wang Hai Liang's comment] "Guan He is crying, the flowers and trees are all wind and dust", deep lonely. The whole head is due to the scene, and it is affectionate. Although it is unknown, "Why should you ask the cause."

In the mountains

Cui Dehuang

There is a path of the top of the mountain, and the horizontal mountains vomit red.

In the cigarette tree, the ancient temple bamboo clouds.

Gu Guiquan was anxious, and the rocky birds were poor.

The hustle and bustle knows that it is far away.

[Wang Hai Liang Comments] One day in the mountains, the heavens and the earth.

Morning improvisation

Yang Yiming

A touch of the treetops in the morning light, welcoming life and the present.

Hua Nian passed into a flowing water, and Qimeng returned to the remaining bridge.

I was not too narrow in the snails, and people chased the country.

The garden is green and natural, only Yin Weng baked.

[Wang Hai Liang Comments] Although it is a daily old tone, with fastening filtering, she feels cute with her experience. It is always new.

Xijiangyue · He Daddy Video

Once

Only Taoist neighbors, who knows not to seal the city. Finding affection on the screen in spring, it is difficult to restore the snow shadow.

For many days, I did not follow the knee, and the Yuanyuan passed the clear again. Thinking of the grassy grass, the trail of the garden was desolate.

[Wang Hai Liang Comments] The affection of the mandarin, the same expression of pulling the family, understanding, warm and sad. The end of the sentence blends.

Bridegow He Renyin Summer Mr. Jia Qingbin recruits drinking

Li Jianghu

Cicada sings Yang Ying. Leaning for high -rise buildings, white cloud fairy, Tianmu is like a mirror. The poets on the seat are how well you are, and love this reunion. Galloping with fast language and heart. If it is a good time to think about the water, it seems that I visited Dai Zhen Chengxing. The wine opened again, and the cup was reorganized. Don't come to the three shots of mountains and Jing, you are afraid of the depth of spring, ascending to be high, and the candle is cold. Wine is a confidant of aging, and sells on earth. Only hate that, it is difficult to participate in business. Forgotten the rivers and lakes are now, who chants the green shirt? Pour the lungs and say that you wake up alone.

[Wang Hai Liang's comment] For three years, he reunited for a long time. I couldn't help thinking of Chen Jianzhai's "Linjiangxian": Drinking on the paston bridge, most of them were Hao Ying. Long ditch is silent. In apricot flowers, the flute is played to Tianming ...

Summer is the scenery

Tian Ruibao

When noon sun is like a sword, it hurts Suihe.

The farmer sweaty and wet the hillside.

[Safe East Comment] "Yang Ru Sword", awkward. "Wet the hillside" is not a poetic, new and sharp, the law is not desirable.

Luogou Wangyue

Jiang Jihui (Jiangsu)

The blue water flowed night, and the lions were unsatisfactory.

The month on the most pity, leaving me in China for boldness.

[Safety East Comment] The month hanging on the bridge, that is, China wants to taste the courage, imagine novelty and dedication, and allow the police.

Title Wang Ximeng's "Thousands of Rivers and Mountains"

Frost Flower Full Sleeve

The riverside deer on the paper is sad, and the boat is shallow.

The strange man has a blue color, and a group of wind cigarettes never bully.

[Safe East Comment] "Deer is sad". The conclusion of Shen Mai Qingxiong is quite belonging to the picture.

Housing

Zhou Shizhi

Before the farmland, there was a mountain, and the morning dusk was leisurely.

The bungalow is half -covered in the forest, and the half -mu Qingfeng and half -faced.

[Safe East Comment] Reading its poems, then the mountain residence is really longing for. The words are also prosperous, and they have a long distance.

Deng Er Battle

Xiao Yuhan

Only after Mengquanjing, Yunshan was far from true.

Guan He was crying, and the plants and trees were dusty.

Sudden rainstorm, Changting can be treated.

At the place where the tree flowers are scattered, why should you ask the cause.

[Safe East Comment] Poetry writing. The Lianlian is old and gloomy, the scene is the most moving. The location of the whole poem is steadily cut, or virtual or real, covering up Guanhe, all called Jianbi.

Old house

Chen Zhen

Parents live in heaven, and my brother moves to the countryside.

Who is the Jiashan Fu? Only Yan Qiliang.

[Liu Nengying's simplified review] Only one or two sentences, then set out the silence, loneliness, and sorrow, creatures are the sense of people and wrong. The word "in" in the first sentence is not as precise as the word "movement" of the second sentence, and the theme of the word "move" is "old house", and the word "in" is not necessarily associated. Three or four sentences, especially the word "only", is superfluous, the words are exhausted, and the beauty of the virus is missing.

Night rain

Zhang Fengjun (Beijing)

The night is dark, and the clouds are low.

There are tens of millions of rain flowers, driving in the west of the canal.

[Liu Nengying's Simplified Comment] One or two sentences describe objectively existing scenes, and three or four sentences have rich artistic imagination. The language is smooth and the structure is reasonable. Disadvantages: Look at the topic, when it is chanting poems, but in the poem "Night" and "Rain", the word is made. Look at the content. When it is a documentary, it is more appropriate to change the topic to the night rain in a certain month. There are few five -character characters, and the first sentence does not rhyme. Because of the few words and more rhyme, it is lost. The seven words are opposite, with many words and less rhyme, easy to lose in stagnation. The first sentence does not rhyme, and one or two sentences should be attacked. The word "West" is suspected of rhyme, unless this rain only goes down to Hexi.

Receive friends when you wake up

Wang Huiwei

Therefore, people drink at noon, and the business travel is in a hurry.

In the evening news, it has passed Hanzhong.

[Liu Nengying's simplified comment] I personally prefer narrative poems. Twenty words tell a complete story, and this story is divided into two scenes, which is not easy. However, there are also improvements, such as from "noon drinking" to "evening" and "passing Hanzhong", which has implied the meaning of "business travel" and "rush". The "coming message" of the sentence and the "call for friends" in the topic also repeat.

For example, change to:

untitled

Therefore, people drink at noon, and resign from the east of Tancheng.

In the evening news, it has passed Hanzhong.

In this way, through the short time of "noon" to "evening", and the length of the two lines from "Tancheng East" to "Hanzhong" to express the main purpose of "hurry" with two lines in space and space, will it be better? What about it?

Luogou Wangyue

Jiang Jihui (Jiangsu)

The blue water flowed night, and the lions were unsatisfactory.

The month on the most pity, leaving me in China for boldness.

[Liu Nengying's simplified review] "The month on the most pity bridge, leaving me in China to taste the courage." Vivid and image, the old theme turned out new ideas, and the eyes were bright.

Watch the cloud on the car

Safe

Bi Zong was like washing the fire and clouds, and he was so relieved along the way.

At this moment I have no interest, and I am lazy to talk about it.

[Liu Nengying's Simplified Comment] People are on the way, how much helplessness is knowing themselves. Not for life, who wants to run around and turbulent. However, the poet does not speak directly and borrows the cloud of the clouds.

Xia to farmhouse

Zheng Dengping

The grapes are cooked at the beginning of the wheat, and the green trees are short.

Yun Duo brought a thunderstorm, and Guato passed the fence wall.

[Liu Nengying's simplified review] The whole poem does not have a word of emotion. The author of this pure zero -degree writing is actually a porter of nature. The author is to present natural things, scenes, and things to readers, and good or evil is a reader. The shortcomings are not very vivid.

Glass bridge

Xu Midami

Dangerous cliffs are opposite, and the bridge is horizontal.

The legs were shook first, and the handbar was shocked. Kobaya Ruyu, Liezi Royal Frequency.

It is not advisable to me at a high place, and Pingjiao is at ease.

[Liu Nengying's Simplified Review] The predecessors were called "the high place is cold", and the Mid -Autumn Festival said "the legs are shaking" and "the high place is shocked." "It is not suitable for me", and the voice of those who fear the high disease. Of course, the people on the earth knows that the "high" string sounds know it, and it is boring to say it.

Self -report

Ding Yonghai

Baiyan loses blue eyes, the biggest official in the class.

There is no golden technique, and you can save the heart pill.

Gefu Pingle, the podium is wide.

Thirty -six from teaching, Gansu has not finished reading.

[Liu Nengying's Simplified Comment] "Huai Jian Save the Heart Pill", read Waul for the first time, and then read the sourness.

Morning improvisation

Yang Yiming

A touch of the treetops in the morning light, welcoming life and the present.

Hua Nian passed into a flowing water, and Qimeng returned to the remaining bridge.

I was not too narrow in the snails, and people chased the country.

The garden is green and natural, only Yin Weng baked.

[Liu Nengying's Simple Comment] I have always liked Teacher Yang to be kind, peaceful, and abnormal. It is popular for the language of poetry, novel vision, and unique conception. This poem is also the same. There are both classical "chasing locomes" and modern "baked hair", which combined in a poem and complement each other. I don't hide the "Yin Weng Bakery Mao", and the true temperament is also.

On June 8th, Xishan Lu drinks about Yuxi Yun on June 8th

Autumn fan

How can there be people to solve the wind?

Youth Jian Ying is difficult to grow old, and the sea of ​​the sea began to pass.

我 Du Ge remnants are still myself, who is the red grape brewing.

Chase is a memories, and he also remembers the pimple to the Lantern Festival.

[Liu Nengying's simplified comment] Reading Teacher Wei's poems, I always feel that in space, I swim in all the time, and I always think that it is his professional habits. This poem finally returned to the world, as a child -like, expressing the feelings of ordinary men, but it was also touching.

Man Tingfang · Crossing Zhanghe

Fang Wei

A long bridge, a white water, a cross from east to west to north and south. Three streams, no reinstatement and prosperity. Think about the high meeting at the time, Huang Yan, Yi Jin Zhixia. With Gao Wang, the map of the public should have belonged to the Cao family.

Kang Kang, the bottom of the matter, Yunlong Fenghu, ape and birds and sand. Looking at the flat scaling on both sides of the strait, the village mulberry. Mo asked Ah to hide, the suspected mound was exhausted, and the weeds were idle. Zhanghe is opposite, pedestrians are opposite, and the shores are rushing.

[Liu Nengying's Simplified Comment] Long -tune words, have also passed the film, and they were defeated. The model is like "so many coquettish rivers and mountains, attract countless heroes to compete,", "The rivers and mountains are picturesque, how many heroes" are summarized in the previous sentence, and the next sentence is opened. The word "Gao Wang, the maps of the public should be the first seven characters of the Cao family." The connection between the whole word and the sentence is also very in place, which is paid attention and ups and downs.

Bridegow He Renyin Summer Mr. Jia Qingbin recruits drinking

Li Jianghu

Cicada sings Yang Ying. Leaning for high -rise buildings, white cloud fairy, Tianmu is like a mirror. The poets on the seat are how well you are, and love this reunion. Galloping with fast language and heart. If it is a good time to think about the water, it seems that I visited Dai Zhen Chengxing. The wine opened again, and the cup was reorganized.

Don't come to the three shots of mountains and Jing, you are afraid of the depth of spring, ascending to be high, and the candle is cold. Wine is a confidant of aging, and sells on earth. Only hate that, it is difficult to participate in business. Forgotten the rivers and lakes are now, who chants the green shirt? Pour the lungs and say that you wake up alone.

[Liu Nengying's simplified comment] Li Jianghu is fresh and long -term with a quatrack. I read it by chance today, and I also got something. In the one, there are two eight -character sentences in the words, "like visiting Dai Zhen to take Xingxing", "Who chants the blue shirt and the heart", it is not astringent or stagnant, and it is readily read. I won the second, "forgetting the rivers and lakes is now", this state is very suitable for the friendship between poet friends, "never think of, never forget", objective, real, compared to those hundreds of years ago, eight years ago, eight years ago, eight years ago The characters that can't be hit by the pole will break the liver and intestine without moving, and the tears of tears will move more easily.

[Zhonglu · Shistani sheep] Lenovo of Umbrella

Nan Guangxun

It is also silk, and also bamboo and wood, which can cover the sky. The rain is like a stubborn, and the sun is still poisonous. When I arrive at the station, I will take it as a stick: Yin, people shine; sunny, people take out.

[Liu Nengying's simplified review] The language is popular, the portrayal is accurate, and the birth is natural. Teacher Nan's song has been self -contained. Personally, I think: the title "Umbrella" is a bit over. From the content, it is just a very objective writing umbrella, and there is no other Lenovo. Even if you need to associate other, it is a matter of readers.

Introduction to Ban Yinlu

Half -hidden Lu, real name Meng Xiangrong, Chu people live in Guangdong, university professor. He is currently serving as a poetry of Yunfan Poetry Association.

Safety East Introduction

Safe East, the word Hongting, the master of the third half of the fast. He is currently the president of Bashan Poetry Society. He is a member of the Sichuan Writers Association, a member of the Chinese Poetry Society, and a senior adviser and mentor of the former Chinese Poetry Forum. Yunfan Poetry Friends Association edit and review, and the first time of Yunfan Poetry Friends Judge of the Better Specifications.

Introduction to Liu Nengying

Liu Nengying, a member of the Chinese Writers Association, a signing writer of the China Natural Resources Association, a specially hired by the Chinese University of Geosciences (Beijing), and the 22nd high -research class of the Lu Academy.

Introduction to Wang Hailiang

Wang Hailiang, born in 1974, from Hebei. Members of Shi Shi Shi Shi, Fenglong Poetry Society, and a half -acre Tang Poetry Society. The works are found in "Poetry", "Chinese Poetry", "Chinese Ci Fu", "Contemporary Poems" and so on.

Introduction to Su Jun

Su Jun, No. Shi Zhai, Cantonese.He is currently the director of the review department of the Ninth Cultural Research Institute and the mentor of the New News Agency.Poetry and poetry have won more than a thousand national awards.He has been the judge of the final trial of the National Poetry Contest.There are many books such as "Shiti Zhaibu and Gong Dingji's Miscellaneous Poems", "Stone Tu Gengzi Ci", and "Eighteen Songs of Songs".

- END -