There are 7 performances of "mature friendship" that reminds you of?

Professor William Rawlins had a survey on friendship and found that those who entered the middle of adulthood were more inclined to define friendship as not time together, but a relationship of "knowing TA there".

This is not because people are unwilling to pay for time and energy to maintain friendship, but that the time and energy that can be dominated is too little, so they have to have an unsatisfactory attitude towards friendship.

But in fact, this requirement for friendship quality is higher. Many friends will leave you forever when you don't need TA or difficult to take care of TA. It can be said that the friendship that you can do when you do n’t need, and the friendship that you will appear when you need it is a real “mature friendship”.

It can be accompanied and supported when you need it, and it will not be too harsh on your time and energy. It is a relationship that makes you feel more comfortable and free.

Do you also have such a mature friendship? You can check the following 7 standards. If not yet, you can also try the three small methods provided by KY at the end ~

1. Mature friendship is not necessarily deep friendship

It is deeply referring to those who do not necessarily have to know each other or witness each other's major moments. As long as it is appreciated, can communicate with each other, and can rely on each other, a mature friendship can be developed.

The biggest value of this friendship is that even if you do not participate in the other party's past, you can understand each other's present; you may not accompany each other's dark moments, but you can also provide the other party with positive emotional support.

If there is a person who grows up and intertwined with us in our lives, it is extremely lucky. But we don't have to demand each friendship that is such a depth, and the light is also a warmth worth cherishing.

2. You can remove each other's labels

As we get older, we gradually wear more and more social identity labels, such as XX spouses, parents of XX, and employees of XX companies. We travel and go.

Although the establishment of some relationships itself is purposeful. For example, we need TA's personal ability or social resources to help some things, so we hope to establish a relationship with TA. But when you have mature friendship, even if your acquaintance is utilitarian, you can still see the true and complete appearance of each other.

For you, when you think of the other party, TA's hobbies, personality characteristics, taste tastes of TA, interest on TA, etc. will emerge in your mind. It is not a decent but distorted state after the social label (KALA, 2019).

3. Your relationship can stand the provocation and slander of others

The friendship of adults is not exclusive, and because of this, the friendship of many people will have a certain competitiveness, which will cause jealousy.

And a mature friendship can stand the provocation and slander of others. We would not immediately believe that the other party really said this because of the reciprocity of others, or really expressed such a negative meaning, because once we established a mature friendship with others, we will have basic trust, understanding, and understanding Promise (Oswald, 2006).

At the same time, a mature friendship is built on both sides. This means that we can understand and identify the complexity of friendship, and will not demand the perfection of this relationship.

We can understand that good friendship does not mean that the other party wants everything. For example, when you need help and TA is difficult to provide, you will not complain that TA is not enough to get out of your heart; and when TA has to make a temporary appointment due to your work or other emergencies, you will not blame you to not pay attention to TA Essence

Therefore, when you are facing the dismissal, you can maintain confidence and patience to this relationship, wait for further verification before making a decision, not because of the two or three sentences of others. Open the distance between the two.

4. You know the other party's shortcomings,

And choose to tolerate in this relationship

Stopping is not only "perfect relationships", but also "perfect individuals".

In getting along with TA, you will slowly discover the disadvantages of the other party and you will also detect your own problems. The key is that you all know that the disadvantage of the other party does not affect the value of this relationship to you.

When tolerant each other’s small Mao Xiaomao, you will not feel the one that you are retreating and tolerating, because these shortcomings are not mentioned from the positive value that TA can bring you, and you believe that the other party will do the same the same as Tolerant of you.

Therefore, when there is contradiction between you, you will also actively resolve (OSWALD, 2006). Because you know the imperfections of each other, you are more willing to work hard to make the other party feel your sincerity and commitment to this relationship.

5. You all know the boundary of this relationship,

And respect and understand each other's boundaries

There will be many friends who give us different experiences and feelings in our lives. As long as you are equal respect and respect for each other, you can give each other to support and accompany each other, which can be called mature friendship (HAYS, 1985).

For example, your getting along is usually eating, drinking, playing together, and talking about life gossip, then you will not seriously mention your anxiety about life or other profound thinking; or you always communicate with TA with difficulties in work and career. Talk about the views on social issues, then you can also understand that the other party will not propose to invite the invitation to eat, drink, play, and spend time. It can be said that in a mature friendship, the two people are consistent with each other's "friendship positioning", and the two sides will comply with and maintain this boundary. Although breaking the boundary may make your relationship sublimatically, it is more likely to make you feel uncomfortable in this relationship.

6. When you are together, you can provide the other party with high -quality companionship

You may not often plan to meet, but you will provide the other party with high -quality companionship every time you meet (Sarason, 2001).

For example, you will care about what the other party has experienced in the days when you can't meet each other, instead of throwing it behind casually; you will give the other party a gift, or leave a souvenir after participating in the event. Leave tangible memories in life; when facing the negative emotions of the other party, you will also know what TA is angry, rather than perfunctoryly with "hug" to cope with the answer.

7. You will be mutually beneficial,

And you will not feel that you are using each other

Rawlins proposed a series of dialectical interaction principles in 1992. He pointed out that in a mature friendship, the freedom of "Affection and Instrumentality" must be included.

Some people will criticize the purposeful friendship and think that such friendship is not pure and is using friends. However, there is helpful behavior that can actually be regarded as supportive and reciprocal friendship maintenance behaviors (OSWALD, 2004). In mature friendship, two people not only will not deliberately avoid each other's "instrumentality", but also can even use these interactions to enhance their feelings.

Such mutual benefit is not limited to economic help.

You may think that when the social identity gap between the two people is large, the person with less resources is the cheapness of the other party. actually not. As long as this friendship can be established, it proves that TA can also provide what the other party wants, and this thing is not necessarily material. Maybe TA is a person who is particularly inclusive and can heal others. Because TA has built in its own professional field, exchanges with TA can always get new perspectives and inspiration.

So if we want our existing friendship to mature, and the relationship between each other can last longer, what can I do? KY provides you with 3 small methods here:

1. From time to time to care about each other's situation

The formal birthday blessing, or the light -fluttering circle of friends, is very effective for the maintenance of friendship. To effectively maintain friendship, not only the communication between two people, but also quality sharing and dialogue.

We do not need to share with the other party in detail, but we can share with the other party some important events for ourselves. , Life is confusing, or personal career), enhance the sense of companionship with half -effort. And telling the other party that he is important can also let the other party feel that it is an important existence (MUINOS, 2021).

When you can maintain such a habitual sharing, then when you meet again, you can have a high -quality time, because you can start in -depth and familiar dialogue if you don’t need to talk about it. Over the same.

2. Actively provide help, but be careful not to cross the boundary

Beverly Fehr said that since the beginning of adults, in the maintenance of friendship, long -lasting friends are those who are willing to help at any time, but rarely surpass the boundaries of the crowd.

For example, TA knows what kind of comfort and support you need at this time, know whether you need quiet companionship or enlightenment, and you should also give you a hug at this time.

Beverly Fehr believes that this is the key to maintaining friendship: to build a mature, intuitive understanding to give and obtain intimacy.

After all, those people who are not ready before we are ready, comment on our situation, and those who are eager to hug us for our love will make us feel uncomfortable and cannot become our long -term friends.

3. When getting along with TA, create and share happiness

Studies have found that when friends share positive experiences, whether they can receive positive responses and can accurately predict the happiness of this friendship, they can also be used as an important benchmark for measuring the quality of friendship (DEMIR, 2019). If you are hard to make up to create happy memories together, you can also share personal achievements unilaterally (note that it is sharing, not showing off), and you can even repost the photos of cats, dogs, and dogs. TA haha ​​laughed.

In other words, although friends sometimes are our emotional tree holes, creating and sharing happiness should be the norm when they get along. After all, we will not want to be sad when we get along with a person.

As Nietzsche said, "As long as one person needs a friend, he can not be a friend -because this demand has degraded others into an object. Only those who can be alone can become a friend. Friendship is not his needs. It is his joy; that is not his hunger, but the rich love he wants to share. "Do you also have such a mature friendship? Share this article with the mature and cherished friend ~

References:

Deci, E. L., La Guardia, J. G., Moller, A. C., Scheiner, M. J., & Ryan, R. M. (2006). On the benefits of giving as well as receiving autonomy support: Mutuality in close friendships. Personality and social psychology bulletin, 32( 3), 313-327.

Demir, M., rzdemir, M., & Marum, K. P. (2011). Perceived Autonomy Support, Friendship Maintenance, and Happy. The Journal of Psychology, 145 (6), 537-571.

Demir, M., Tyra, A., & Özen-Çıplak, A. (2019). Be there for me and I will be there for you: Friendship maintenance mediates the relationship between capitalization and happiness. Journal of Happiness Studies, 20( 2), 449-469.

Demir, M., Tyra, A., & Özen-Çıplak, A. (2019). Be there for me and I will be there for you: Friendship maintenance mediates the relationship between capitalization and happiness. Journal of Happiness Studies, 20( 2), 449-469.

Hays, R. B. (1984). The Development and Maintenance of FRIENDSHIP. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 1 (1), 75-98.

Hays, R. B. (1985). A Longitudinal Study of Friendship Development. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 48 (4), 909.

Kala, m. (2019). WHY Do We have to label our friend? Medium.

Ledbetter, A. M., Griffin, E. M., & Sparks, G. G. (2007). Forecasting “friends forever”: A longitudinal investigation of sustained closeness between best friends. Personal Relationships, 14(2), 343-350.

MUINOS, L. (2021) .6 tips to make mainting and meaningful friendships.pasychcentral.

Friendship Matters: Communication, Dialectics, and the Life. Course Aldine de Gruyter, New York.

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