[High -end original poetry platform] Yunfan Poetry Club 531 Better Evaluation

In front

One of the poems, there is no way to learn, and there is no way to learn. Scholars, the stones of other mountains can attack jade; The ancients of the ancients were "like a discussion, such as thinking like a grind", so that the gentleman's demeanor is even more extended to be a good learning spirit. Today Yunfan's setting up this column is a place for our exchanges, a place for identification, and a platform for progress.

Yunfan Reading Weitang

【Yunfan Poetry Jian】

Yunfan Poetry Club 531 Better Evaluation Evaluation

This issue of Yunfan Poetry Jian

Taking the time of the time of the commentators

Duan Wei comment

New swallow

Zhang Mingxin

The love of affection, the new incense of the mud.

The double swallows of Liangjian, the nest is not allowed to be three.

[Duan Wei's comment] The small poems are not small. "Liangjian Shuangyan, Nest Xiaobiansheng Three" can be used as two solutions: one is because the two swallows are too loving and do not want to break the "two -person world" and are ready to be Dink; Essence Between square inches, big world. See the means!

Baikal

Li Jinghui

Moonlight was intoxicated by Lake Berga, and the spring breeze was left.

The bone erosion is deeply unsolved, and Nianjun was a strong picture.

[Duan Wei's comment] How beautiful the picture depicted in one or two sentences is to create potential for three or four sentences. The third sentence is actually a "set question". The fourth sentence is equivalent to answering, and it is painful to read.

Cook

Song Shanling

Look at the annoying scroll, and put on a stove on the apron.

Boil the lotus seed porridge first, and cut the gills of the grass.

Slowly fried tofu is like gold -plated, and the waist flowers are blooming like chrysanthemums.

Xiaojiu three cups dare to say that we are not good at cooking.

[Duan Wei's comment] Kitter can be written so swaying, it is really a hand! The neckline "slow fried tofu is like gold -plated, and the waist flower is like chrysanthemum", which is better than Xing; the word "cooking fresh" in the tail couplet is the thumbnail of "governing the big country like cooking small fresh". ", There is a sense of words. In comparison, Lianlian is slightly weak because of the lack of emotions.

Zhou Xiangdong Comments

Travel to Baiyangdian by boat

Thunderbolt

Heaven water as a bed, reed bird village.

The boat drove away, and the line was full of fragrance.

[Zhou Xiangdong Comments] Interesting, one or two sentences are good. However, the full bag of fragrance looks like the ancients' sleeves or fragrant fragrance, which is slightly far -fetched.

bamboo

Li Lei (Nanjing)

There is a cluster of bamboo, Changqingxiu's own home.

Fear of recruiting bee butterflies, rather than blooming.

[Zhou Xiangdong Comments] One or two sentences are in place, and three or four sentences are brilliant. However, the bamboo blooms and dies, and this meaning seems to be deeper.

Professor Professor of Duanwei Fuchen Garden Space Lotus

Chen Haiyang

Yichong Youshui Bioshenglian, the wind and bone has been repaired for nine days.

Star Hai returns to the residential room, and the incense is divided into the book in front of the book.

[Zhou Xiangdong Comments] The whole poem is done in one go, and it is not easy. Before the book, it was impartial, and therefore a little mediocre.

And the monarch of Suizhou Dengtian Wangzhai

Yao Quan's name

Dangerous Lian Tongbai, looking for a quiet diameter.

Yan Tianlin Bibi, the secret village stone is oblique.

Every time I hate the world, there is a family in the mountains.

The Tai Pingfeng is over a long time, and the residue seated to see the flowers.

[Zhou Xiangdong Comments] The first two couplets came out, and the scenery of Tian Wangzhai was as current. The neck couplet is a whole poem alarm, with rich meaning and no words. The tail is deeply sighing, sighing infinitely, and it is hidden in the disabled to see the flowers. It is the old state of poetry.

Topic Beijing forecast heavy rain

Pan Hong

The bright horse rivers are splendid, and the breeze is difficult for a long time.

The fishermen had swimmed in Chengbo, and Lou Yan still returned.

The six parts of passionate reported the police, and the rogues of the heavens did not pass on thunder.

沥 沥 颢 颢 颢 颢 颢 颢 颢 颢 颢 颢 颢 颢 颢 颢.

[Zhou Xiangdong Comments] Write scenery, born of love, open -mindedness, and deep intention. Words and words are wiped out. At the end of the period, the iron became gold, and it turned out another state. good! Intersection

Yang Xue window review

Load

Duan Wei

In the winter, the essence was silently raised, and the mud was sealed and sealed.

Spring water is old, but the dragonflies are old, but the dragonflies are standing in Xia Shui.

[Yang Xue window comment] Although the first two sentences are slightly vernacular, it is not very good at my aesthetics. However, the idea of ​​the whole poem is worthy of rewarding, cleverly connects the four seasons, and runs through the lotus. The first two sentences (in winter), the third sentence uses the exclusion method (spring water muddy, old autumn water), and then forcing the fourth sentence to be full of lotus flowers. The creative methods and ideas are very good. In addition, the third sentence "Spring water is suspected of old autumn water", "autumn water is old" is possible; as for "spring water muddy", it seems that there is no basis, and it may not fit the facts. Because spring water is born, it seems to be particularly clear in the four seasons. Of course, the author may also say that the lotus of the spring is still in mud and underwater, so he feels "muddy".

untitled

Half -hidden

Xiaoyi Yishan Pavilion was windy on all sides, sitting down to see the high busy of the yellow leaves.

There is a way to stop in Tianxing.

[Yang Xue Window Review] Dig a subtle thoughts in the scene where ordinary people do not pay attention. This kind of discovery and conception is commendable.

Elderly live alone in the countryside

Wu Guorong (Shanghai)

The building is high and the New Year, and the old house moss wall wants to break.

Looking up at the window of the window, leaning over the furnace fire.

[Yang Xue window comment] This poem can be described as the comparison of the picture. The first two sentences "building high" and "old house moss wall" are a comparison; the latter two sentences are compared with another layer of "bright windows" and "leaning over the fire". In fact, there is a comparison in the dark part of the last sentence, which was compared with the present. Through the comparison of layers, the residence of the elderly, the loneliness of life, and the loss of emotions can be imagined. Fortunately, it is purely to compare the theme of the screen, not to discuss the word, and there is no strong lyrical language, and the expression method is more restrained. But the language style of the whole poem is not very appreciated. Feeling the elaboration of techniques and ideas, with the rough rate of language, in contrast, Yifa sees the beauty of the beauty of this poem. Rain

Zheng Xuedo

The intention is quiet, and the village is the rain.

At the beginning of the fifth house, the flower shadow hides the green fence.

Miao Miao Liu Yingying, Youyou Guest.

Why are you spraying, but when you cook it late?

[Yang Xue window comment] Personally, in terms of language style, Ya language and saying have not been well integrated, but they seem to be conflict and stubborn. The first sentence, three or four sentences, sixth and eighth sentences, the overall elegant, and the word "drama" in the second sentence looks delicate; the fifth sentence of the "wonderful" and the seventh sentence of the "fragrant" There are some plays. Poetry creation, if the style of elegance is the main style, uses spoken and vulgar words, there must be a means of transformation into elegance.

He Sikong sees send litchi

Begonia

Qi Gan is no wonder that the concubine pity, the red millet is booming.

In the sorrow of Yuli ice muscles, Lao Jun wanted me to send the clouds.

Xia Division is really painted, and the sun is not envious of the fairy.

Drive the dish of the clear summer, and the wind window reads the South China article.

[Yang Xue Window Review] The Fang Lian and the neckline are quite flexible, and the meaning of the sentence is very flowing. The "Yuli Ice Muscle" of the Lianlian "Yaojun miss me" is right; The content arrangement is also ingenious, and the sentences of 颔 and neck are all in the body, writing lychee itself; the next sentence is written with character activities. Writing in this way, see the differences and changes. If you change the method, the Lianlian wrote the lychee itself. With the words of the body, the neckline wrote a character activity, it will not help falling into the vulgar road. The last sentence was pushed open, not sticking to things, and the wind caused by the wind.

Jiang Lan Comments

New swallow

Zhang Mingxin

The love of affection, the new incense of the mud.

The double swallows of Liangjian, the nest is not allowed to be three.

[Jiang Lan's comment] Yongyan and people get the method of chanting things. The evil is evil, and the subtlety is implicit, which makes people laugh.

bamboo

Li Lei (Nanjing)

There is a cluster of bamboo, Changqingxiu's own home.

Fear of recruiting bee butterflies, rather than blooming.

[Jiang Lan Comments] Three or four sentences to see the high festivals of bamboo. The second sentence is not stable.

untitled

Half -hidden

Xiaoyi Yishan Pavilion was windy on all sides, sitting down to see the high busy of the yellow leaves.

There is a way to stop in Tianxing.

[Jiang Lan Comments] The ending is very good. Seeing people's seeing, thinking that people are not available, Ye Ye in the Qing Dynasty, talents, knowledge, courage, and strength, this is based on the knowledge of knowledge.

Puppet book

Liao Runchang

The leaves are lonely, and Xiaoxiao is listened to the pillow.

The rain was unknown, and there were a few bananas beside the window.

[Jiang Lan's comment] Although it is a regular situation, the charm is considerable. The word "next to the window" is close and too loud, and it has the charm of damaging poetry.

Cool by the pool of the community

Guo Tonghai (Beijing)

Liu Manho shakes the moon to Yingtang, and this feeling is still next to the village.

The sound of frogs was originally a vertical line, fishing for my hometown of Jiusqu sausage.

[Jiang Lan Comments] The image of the sentence is dense and layered, very good. Three or four sentences are clever and thick. Repeat the meaning of two and four sentences.

stream

Wang Yueqi

The heart is from the lonely and the grades, and the cloud roots are coquettish.

If the nine songs turn around, they will not turn into the rivers and lakes.

[Jiang Lan Comments] The conclusion is where the intention is, which matches the identity of the creek and even see the festival of the creek.

Introduction to critics

Duan Weijian

Duan Wei, born in 1964, was born in Yingshan, Hubei, a doctor of law. Professor of Huazhong Normal University, also served as an executive director of the Chinese Poetry Society, president of the Chinese Poetry Society of Hubei Province, and editor -in -chief of the "Hearts Poetry" comment.

Introduction to Zhou Xiangdong

The owner of Laoshan, the real name Zhou Xiangdong, was born in 68 years. Calligraphy and painters are Mr. Wang Zhenduo from Yu Shan; Poetry Merchants Mr. Wang Yan Kancan; Western painting, theoristian Mr. Wang Lin, also good at poetry, comments, etc.

Brief Introduction to Jiang Lan

Jiang Lan, male, born in 1968, from Xinyang, Henan. He graduated from the Chinese Department of Renmin University of China and worked at the National Federation of Trade Unions Teaching and Sports Trade Unions. He is currently the deputy director of the editorial department of "Poetry", deputy editor -in -chief of "China Ci Fu", and a consultant of Yunfan Poetry. He is the author of the selection of old style poems "Drinking River Collection" and "Xiang Ying Collection -Six Poetry Selection".

Introduction to Yang Xue Feng

Yang Qiang, Xuexue Window, born in 1987, Xiangyang, Hubei. Zhejiang Satellite TV's "Up, Poetry" champion, won the "Poetry" 2020 Chen Ziang Youth Poetry Award, the third "National Poetry Contest" Poetry Department, and the first "Sea Yue Cup" Poetry Contest Poetry Department Volume 1 The third class of the finals of the word department is the judge of the poetry department of the second "Xiangtianhua Cup" Poetry Contest.

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