After using these 4 methods, I finally fell in love with my own life

In "Dear San Mao", there is a letter from unhappy girl:

Ms. San Mao:

Twenty -nine years old, unmarried, is a clerk at the lowest level of customs declaration. I often return to the rented bucket after I get off work. In the face of the material and spirit, the value of life is very poor. I feel that the value of life is very ... Essence Sorry, my dim mood cannot be expressed in words. I am inferior, please tell me, what is the ultimate purpose of life?

For those who are so humble (my appearance is too ordinary), my work ability is limited. I ca n’t say that I have any special interests, and I have never been interested in me. I really envy you, I can't wait to live like you, but unfortunately I ca n’t, please write more books and enrich my life. Otherwise, I really do n’t know what happiness is alive?

Wish Chun'an

A unhappy girl

Recently, someone shared it in the Douban group, which resonated with many netizens: her mood seems to me, and I often skeptical and anxious ...

In Sanmao's reply, I felt that the girl's life was quite beautiful.

信 The following is the content of Sanmao Back letter, you can watch the ups and downs.

Unhappy girl:

From your short self -introduction, it seems very shocking. At the age of 29, he was young and used in a series of uses -the lowest level, lack of poverty, dullness, inferiority, ordinary, humble, limited ability. Many incorrect definitions. Come to describe yourself. If I am you, the first step to do is to aggravate the expectations and values ​​of myself, and wipe out the string of inferiority in the letter from my life, and never look at myself again.

You have a legitimate career. You can afford a room and have a bad appearance. You know how to explore the meaning of life further after getting off work. This is a very beautiful thing. Why do you feel humble? You feel humble because you don't use your subjective eyes to watch yourself, and you use the utilitarian vision of society, which is very regrettable. A person who does not appreciate himself is difficult to be happy.

It is very practical. If you do n’t talk about empty ways, if I live in the so -called bucket room, if it is me, the first thing I will do is to arrange my room. I will paint the room into a clear white and make a beautiful curtain on the window. I put a small radio on the bedside, make a bookshelf on the corner, and change a warm and warm lampshade for the bulbs. Then, I was going to the flower market, carefully picked a few pots to see the pleasant bonsai, and put it in my window.

If there is still more than money, I will buy a few replicas of paintings -the kind of poster, hang it on the wall ... In this way, with my valuation, it will not exceed 4,000 Taiwan dollars. Of course, except for the radio, everything will be done by yourself, and it will save the cost of craftsmen, and life will be much more interesting.

The beautiful layout of the room is the first step to enjoy life to change the mood. In my case, it is no longer a fighting room. Then, when I pay a salary -if I am you, I want to use a lot of money to buy a beautiful and practical clothes. If I feel that I am not cheerful enough, I am likely to go to a hairdressing shop and spend a hundred Taiwan dollars to trim the hairstyles that remain unchanged all year round. I will pick up a few pale cosmetics for my next month, or buy a pair of new shoes for myself.

Of course, the salary is still receiving every month, and there are four or five hours after get off work. At that time, I may go to the youth meeting to apply for Chinese, flower arrangement or other interesting courses. Two lessons are another way to change the environment and enrich yourself.

You see, if I am you, I am slowly changing. When I go to class, maybe I may get some friends. Since my small room is so beautiful, maybe I may occasionally ask friends to sit and talk about their own lives and dreams. Slowly, I am no longer so inferior. I have the courage to contact with good and moral people (there are still many people in the society), and I will find that everyone is ordinary -but beautiful Essence I will find that a beautiful life can be achieved without much money. I no longer care about the opposite sex, because my own life is rich little by little.

If I am you, I will no longer wait for San Mao to publish a new book. I write notes and write it for myself. I will slowly find that what I write also has style and interest. I am really a cute woman. Unhappy girl, please act! Don't rely on others to give you happiness. You go to the room first and barely do it yourself. You will find that things are not as difficult as you think, and your interest can be sought. Try to try the West. After get off work after work.

There are many ways to enjoy life. The problem is that you must have action. Next time I wrote to me, the girl who signed a happy signature deleted that word?

When looking at our lives, we are often like this unhappy girl. I feel that it is not good, and it is bad.

So today I want to talk to you about the troubles of many people's minds: what should I do if I feel that my life is bad?

01

Life is good or not, depending on your opinion

Let's take a look at why unhappy girls feel that their lives are useless and feel painful. You may think this problem is strange: there is very little money you earn, renting it in a small house, and there is no knowledge of friends and love. Of course, such a life is very bad.

But is it really like this?

Cognitive behavior therapy believes that under the same situation, people will have different emotional experiences due to different cognition.

The unhappy girl came home from get off work, thinking of her work, the room rented, and living conditions. The conclusion was that my material and spirit were quite poor; I really do n’t know what happiness is alive ...

Such thoughts made her mood dull.

But in the face of the same scene, San Mao's reply provided another perspective: you have a legitimate occupation, which can be rented in a room, and the appearance is not bad. This is a very beautiful thing. Why do you feel humble?

With such a self -appreciation attitude, a person can easily become happy and proud.

Picture source: pexels

Faced with the emotional experience that makes us pain, people often respond to various behaviors (fighting, escape, stiffness), and these behaviors reaction will in turn affect external situations.

Looking at the girl who lights up completely, it is natural to have no confidence in becoming better. The only thing that can be done is to fall into a low mood and continue to live a static life.

In positive emotions, people naturally can't help but want to do more things that make themselves happy and satisfied. Therefore, in the eyes of Sanmao, there are many ways to enjoy life: decorating rooms, choosing clothes that make themselves emotional, courses of registering interest, making a few like -minded friends ... Gradually, life has begun to become colorful, we we have become colorful. We It is more and more happy.

After reading this, you may also find that the response mode of unhappy girls is easier to turn life into a pool of dead water, but Sanmao's attitude can make the days fragrant.

02

Why do two people have a completely different response?

1. The core belief determines our cognition of things

Cognitive therapy believes that a person's emotional and behavioral response depends on TA's core belief: what kind of person I am, that is, a person's most ordinary and general understanding of himself, the most general and general understanding of the world.

If a student's core belief is that I am incompetent, when he encounters a situation that cannot be done, it is easy to have such an emotional feeling: the test question is too difficult, but others must have done The test results will definitely be bad.

The core belief of a girl is that I am not worthy of being loved. When she faces her boyfriend's cold violence, a natural way of thinking is: it must be my fault, so the other party will treat me like this.

If you think about it, you will find that although we have all kinds of emotional reactions in our lives, the core beliefs behind us are mostly consistent and stable.

2. Experience determines the core belief

Core beliefs often depend on our experience. According to social learning theory, everyone has been trying to understand the surrounding environment since childhood -to understand what happened to themselves. But many times, the outside world cannot give the answer, we can only fill this gap with our own understanding. As a result, faith gradually formed.

Psychologist Judith Beck has shared such a story:

Girl Sali, who has been used to his performance from his brother since he was a child, has always been unable to do it in the end. So, she kept thinking that she was not as good as my brother: I did n’t paint my brother; I ’m not good at riding a bicycle; reading is not as good as my brother; everything he does is worse than me

Slowly, she began to believe: I have poor abilities and can't do anything well.

Not only that, Mom and Dad always compare her and brother: Your brother has achieved such excellent results, but what about you? You can't do anything well.

Day after day, Sally gradually formed my poor negative core belief.

Picture source: pexels

3. Once the core belief is formed, it is difficult to change

Once the core belief is formed, it will gradually strengthen. Mainly because the core belief has the screening function, it allows a person to focus on the information that is in line with the core belief, and ignore the inconsistent information.

A person who feels that I am not doing well, the normal frustration at work will be regarded by TA as a bad proof of my bad.

Even if you get the affirmation of the leader, you will unconsciously deny it in your heart: this time it is just luck, and the next time it is not allowed, mainly because my colleagues helped me.

Over time, TA will become more and more frustrated and more and more confident. Faced with important projects thrown by the leader, worried that he could not complete it, he pushed it for a reason; he dared not apply for salary increase and did not believe that he could get a better opportunity. Reality feedback has further strengthened TA's negative belief: Sure enough, I can't do anything well.

At the same time, thinking is also heavy. Whether in workplace, interpersonal communication, or other occasions, we are accustomed to interpret all kinds of things with consistent beliefs. After the core beliefs, after thousands of times in our hearts, it is difficult for us to clearly distinguish whether they are just their own ideas, or the objective reality I am experiencing at this moment.

03

To do these 4 points, you will be more and more satisfied with life, so how can you adjust your inner beliefs and get life more and more satisfied? Share 4 small methods:

1. Use the opposite experience to refute cognition

Since cognition is determined by experience, we can change the cognition from experience, and review the opposite experience in the past experience.

For example, because of a confession fail, I feel bad, and no one will love. Then you can think of the favorite experiences in the memory, the love affair of the past, and so on. On the basis of such an experience structure, cognition will change: I like it, and a confession failure does not mean that I am bad.

When we go a little further to examine the true level of inner thoughts, we can have more objective views, rather than blindly degrading our lives.

2. Use behavior inspection cognition

Cognitive behavioral therapy proposes behavioral experiments, that is, to allow visitors to try to verify whether the idea is correct. After trying, you have experience, and these experiences can prove or deny the original concept.

For example, a girl was unhappy because of the last job and leader. After changing her new job, she was worried before going to work every day.

She can try such behavior experiments: I write down what I might happen the next day at work every night, and then check whether these things they worry about the next night will happen. If it happens Draw a fork. After persisting for a week, you will find that what you worry about did not happen. In this way, her thoughts were corrected, and her worries were relieved.

Picture source: pexels

3. Evaluate: Is this evaluation helping yourself?

When we use negative thinking to evaluate ourselves, there is almost no positive effect on life, but we dragged ourselves into the mud of self -doubt. You may feel weak, fragile, and shrinking, and you don't have enough confidence and wisdom to change your life.

Therefore, when you notice that you can't help but sigh about pessimism of life, stop thinking:

I do this, is it helpful to myself? If not, then you may temporarily put down this feeling and let yourself invest in what you should do.

4. If the friends who care about the most, what will you say to TA?

Many times, we are used to looking at ourselves from a very harsh vision, but understand the people around them more objectively. So, it is better to imagine it. If your friends look at yourself with the same bad thoughts, what will you say to TA?

You may want to embrace TA, encourage TA, and list a lot of evidence, let TA think of those flashing moments that are temporarily forgotten by TA for the time being.

When you look back at yourself, you may suddenly realize: how unfair it is for those who have been living with your heart with your eyes.

Picture source: pexels

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