WeChat's unpopular function exposes social truth: Don't be such people in the circle of friends

Read Reading Jun Tongxia Dictionary has been launched 1914/2000 words

Today is the 3178th day of intensive reading Jun to accompany you for life -long growth

01

A few days ago, I saw a netizen's vomiting:

"Elderly male colleagues sent a private message to let me change my avatar."

Netizens said that the avatar is a stick figure of himself and her husband.

"Can you change the avatar?"

Netizens were puzzled and asked him why.

He said, "It feels a bit ..." attached a smile of a smile, "I thought you were intentional."

Netizens can see a foggy, both speechless and difficult to understand. Thinking of this is even more angry.

"Isn't it good to go to the Pacific as a police officer !!!" Netizens angrily said angrily.

Obviously, netizens feel that the other party has gone through the border and feels offended.

WeChat, as one of the general use of the general public today, has also revealed the relationship between people.

Two years ago, WeChat update added a new feature, that is, you can delete comments in the circle of friends.

As soon as the news came out, many netizens were confused: What substantial use of this new feature is worthy of it?

As we all know, the comment area of ​​the WeChat circle of friends is different from Weibo. The comment area of ​​Weibo is open. You can receive comments or even attack from strange netizens at any time. The operation of the blog deletes comments is more commonly used.

But this is not the same.

The circle of friends is limited to the people they know, and they can even block some people. The content of the comment area can only be seen by the common friends of themselves and the commentators.

In this comparison, the operation of the circle of friends deleted the comments does not seem to be so necessary.

However, reality will not be ideal.

The above premise is that the comments given to the friends circle of our comment are suitable, which will not make people uncomfortable.

But the reality is that there are often people who often appear around us.

For example, the above -mentioned male colleagues who let others change their avatars.

Therefore, this is not conflicting.

Some comments, whether they are from strangers or people around us, may make us feel "offens".

Sometimes, the theory of deletion is just a way to protect the personal psychological boundary when we feel "committed".

02

Whether it is a face -to -face interpersonal communication or the network social network connected to the network cable, how to maintain a proper sense of boundary is an important part.

San Mao once wrote a story:

After she moved to Jinhe Avenue, she was invited to drink tea for the first time. As a result, the shoes were accidentally dipped in sheep dung, and the white skirt also dipped the little son's saliva.

Out of good intentions, Sanmao took the soapy water and mop from home to teach neighbors to mop the ground and brush mats.

I did not think, this kind of goodwill has become the beginning of constantly harassing her neighbors.

Starting around 9 o'clock every morning, there are children who continue to come to Sanmao's door to ask for things:

"My brother said, borrowing a light bulb."

"My mother said, I want a onion."

"My dad wants a bottle of gasoline."

The neighbors borrowed her things, but they rarely returned on time, and some did not even ask themselves, as if using the Sanmao family as a free warehouse.

Sanmao finally laughed at himself:

"The days of my desert were made in color, and I didn't know the taste of loneliness."

Sometimes people go too close to people will become a disaster.

Once the distance is lost, it means losing freedom and bringing intimacy, while contradictions are also easy to breed.

As Arthur Schopenhauer said:

"People are like hedgehogs in the cold winter. They are too close to each other and feel tingling; they are too far away, but they will feel cold; people must maintain a proper distance to live."

This is also called the hedgehog effect, and the relationship between people should maintain communication, and each of us needs such a boundary.

03

Some psychologists have done such an experiment:

In a big reading room just opened, when there was only one reader, psychologists went in to sit beside TA to test their reactions.

Because the tester did not know that this was doing experiments, most people quickly stayed away and walked down elsewhere, and some people simply said very clearly: "What do you want to do?"

This experiment tested a total of 80 people, and the results were the same:

In an open reading room with only two readers, any tested person couldn't stand a stranger sitting next to him.

Everyone needs to have a self -grasp of self.

This space is like an invisible "bubble", which draws a certain "field" for us.

When this "field" is violated by others, we feel uncomfortable, unsafe, and even starting to be angry.

German sociologist Wolfgang Sofuski wrote in the book "Private Protection":

"In addition to wheels, plows, and pens, walls are the most important invention of human beings.

The wall is made of distance and protects people from being violated. "

The sense of boundary is a wall -blown wall in the social world. Their functions are also to protect us from being violated.

Therefore, only by maintaining a proper distance can people feel the beauty of the other person to the maximum.

04

Two suggestions to establish an appropriate social boundary. ① Bravely express your "discomfort".

Maybe you have encountered such a person:

If you think you are familiar with you, you can just take your stuff without your permission;

Very "care" with you, constantly point your life with your life;

As if curious about you, you chat with friends and they want to insert a word. You also want to see what you are watching with your mobile phone ...

You have also been annoying about their behavior, and your disgust is normal, because these are all lack of boundaries.

When you feel uncomfortable and offended, respect your feelings, express your discomfort or even angry to the other party.

Only in this way can we avoid the illusion of transparency and make the other party realize that their behavior is inappropriate.

② Respect the border of others

As mentioned above, while protecting our borders, we must also learn to perceive the boundaries of others and know when to respect these boundaries.

As long as we know how to respect the boundaries of others, it is easy to find our own position and do appropriate behavior.

Finally, I use a poem from Jonburon to encourage everyone:

"No matter how dependent you are, you must leave the gap between each other and let the wind spin in the air dance in the gap."

- END -