In the growth of children, those invisible parenting traps

After having a child, whether the family is circulating such a dialogue every day:

—— "It's time to rest, turn off your phone quickly!" "I finish watching this again!"

—— "Hurry up, it's late!" "I don't want to eat this!"

—— "Why haven't you done the homework yet?" "Wait a while!"

Children seem to never keep up with the time of adults, and we either urge or wait for anxiety. In addition, letting children obedient seems to be an eternal problem. Parents who are tolerant will be forced to their patience in the child's repeated rejection; the child's learning seems to be the burden of parents. "The emperor is not in a hurry "The eunuchs are urgent" in the acting time of their homework; and the future futures that parents often worry about, children never seem to care, and even our sincere "唠" is dismissive! The parent -child education book reads one after another. In the face of the cute and hateful children in front of him, it seems that everything can't be sent to the field, and the situation always turns in place! Where is the problem?

Teacher Huang Jingjie, who has just walked with two children for two eighteen years, has long captured this series of the fundamental crux of the problem of disturbing parents in the exchanges with tens of thousands of parents and listeners for many years: we are too trapped in front of , Too much involved in the performance of the children, so they will suffer and lack rules.

After Teacher Huang Jingjie published "Parent's Personality" and "Study of Learning", many parents expect Teacher Huang to publish another book and specifically talk about the time management in parent -child education. Huang Jingjie has a mature concept in many years of parenting experience and educational research experience: time management is only superficial, and the pattern of time is the fundamental.

The pattern of time is like a big tree. The problem of time management is like caterpillars. With the root system of this big tree, the problem of solving time management is easy to oppose. But if you only stare at caterpillar and ignore the big tree, no matter how much time management is used to manage the fundamental time, no matter how much time management is used to use the tomato clock or the four -quadrant.

Therefore, Huang Jingjie is not satisfied with the time management method and skills of time management on the surface. He is determined to use a book to introduce the time management difficulties faced in the process of family education. It is clear. After two years of devoted creation, I finally have the new book "Time Pattercrifination" of this pattern raising series.

The first "Parent's Law" of the pattern series mainly helps parents to understand their children. The second "Study of the Study" mainly allows children to learn to learn independently. In this "Time pattern" By spanning the growth of children for eighteen years, and getting rid of a large number of unnecessary parenting anxiety from front of you, at the same time, understand how to help children develop a good concept of time, and obtain efficient use time, master their ability to learn and live.

In the growth of children, those invisible parenting traps

Children are not obedient, do not like to learn, and are hot in three minutes ... Many parenting questions that are urgently looking for answers in the eyes of parents. If you look at the time pattern, it is just a childcare trap that can be avoided. You can resolve anxiety and transform the problems in front of you into the best opportunity for children to grow.

For example, many parents who worry many parents are disobedient. They do not sleep on time from the child when they are young, do not like to brush their teeth and wash their faces. The trouble for coming has never stopped, let us deeply anxious.

On the surface, the problem is that the children are disobedient. We just want to "uniform" them, but why do we always lose all the results and tiredness? Because the fundamental problem is that we do not understand the child’s brain, and the child's cognitive level is overestimated. It is easy to have too much expectations for the child’s "obedient ability", which will cause a series of parent -child conflicts, as well as invalid or even negative solutions. Way.

From the perspective of time, disobedience will inevitably appear, because adults and children are in two very different positions in the life timeline. There is a huge time difference between the two positions, and it also brings us very. Internal differences that are easy to ignore: adults who are used to left -brain thinking are difficult to realize how abstract a lot of truths are for children. They do not want to obedient, but they do not understand at all! It is required that the child is "obedient" itself is a pseudo -propositional trap. Rather than studying all kinds of climbing skills in the trap, it is better to see the trap in advance to avoid letting yourself go in from the beginning.

In the past ten years, the rapid development of brain science research has told us: whether children can understand the principle of abstraction and whether they can control their behavior according to the rules formulated by adults are the maturity of his left brain development to determine Because the left brain is mainly in charge of abstract thinking, the ability to logic and order, language expression and understanding rules under the jurisdiction, so it is called "logical brain".

During the growth of children, especially before the age of 3, the right brain development occupied the dominant position of growth, that is, the "logical brain" of children before the age of 3 had not yet begun to develop.

The left and right brains have clear division of labor and completely different "temperament". Imagine that there is a left and right brain in front of us: the left brain is the "logical brain" that can understand the reason. It allows children to be able to execute the parents' orders well, and it looks rational, logical, obedient, obedient, and obedient. , Self -discipline, so I think of the left brain as the representative of the "good child"; and the "emotional brain" that "does not understand the truth" will make the child feel emotional, emotional, and lose temper, and like immersion in immersion I refused to come out in an interesting scene, so I regarded the right brain as a representative of "bad children". So, in the face of such a good, bad left and right brain, do you feel that the left brain is more like the rational "adult brain" that parents like to see, and the right brain is more like the irrational "child brain" that parents hate Intersection

Therefore, the "differences" and "conflict" between the left and right brains just reflect the "time dislocation" of adults and children on the time axis of life -a child's life experience is still in the life experience stage of the right brain, but Parents can't wait for their children to use his left brain.

For example, it is difficult for a child to understand the "plaque" that he has never seen before, so how can he understand that the "plaque" can hurt his teeth? Therefore, he can't remember that he brushed his teeth every day to not "dental caries".

"Time pattern" allows parents to understand the "life difference" with their children. They realize that adults are controlled by the left brain, but the children are dominated by the basic parent -child difference by the right brain.

On this basis, the author also explained in detail the effective way to communicate with the child, so that children can fundamentally "obedient". In addition to the "disobedient" trap, this book also helped parents to crack the three major nursing myths of "not interested", "forced learning", "future anxiety".

In eighteen years, those invisible "big events" that are happening

Although the youth is enviable, for many children, adolescence is a very difficult hurdle. Confusion in changes, doubts about yourself, confusion about the future, are at a loss, coupled with the pressure of academic competition, the disagreement of the relationship between classmates, and even the "adolescent crisis" to describe it -early love, Internet addiction, depression, etc. It is just an external manifestation, and once the adolescent crisis appears, it is also a huge challenge for parents.

For parents who are accustomed to focusing on learning in learning, when they find that the child seems to have a problem with the whole person, learning becomes secondary.

Although adolescence is a challenge, not all of them have to go through crisis. From the pattern of time to see the adolescent crisis, what will you see?

It shows that parents ignore the most important thing for them before their children's adolescence. The problem is accumulated in the passage of time. Adolescents are "general accounts" for adolescence.

The "Time" divides the child's eighteen years into four stages. The adolescence is the last stage. It was a primary school stage 6-12 years old. 6 -year -old personality cultivation period.

The book believes that in these four growth stages of growth, each of the most important things is to be right. This is related to whether the child's adolescence can go smoothly and whether the child's future is successful and happy.

Parents who accompany their children to jump with their homework chickens and dogs jump. Parents who are overwhelmed because of their children's test scores. They believe that academic performance is the first among the eighteen years. After the 80s and post -90s parents, they will soon find happiness after their children face the competition, and it is easy to turn to grade orientation.

"Time Pattermination" inspired us to think about the most important thing for children in the eighteen years? Why is it only grasping the grades and it is likely to lead to both grades and relationships?

The practice of ensuring grades just needs to focus on the results. The most important thing about "Time" is to cultivate children's invisible "internal skills" in each age.

In a period of childbirth in the age of 0-3, if you want to open the child's smart valve early, you need to lay his sense of autonomy; in a period of personality cultivation in the age of 3-6, if he wants him to smoothly integrate into social life, you must cultivate Self-esteem; During the period of knowledge education at the age of 6-12, if you do n’t need to force it, you must take the initiative to plant a sense of accomplishment; and in adolescence from 12-18 years old, if you want to spend it peacefully, you must pay attention to digging his excavation of him. Self -worth.

These traits are invisible, and it is the easiest to be ignored, but it is the most critical thing for the development of children. If it is always ignored, it is likely to encounter problems in adolescence. Therefore, understanding that the four stages of children's life development are one of the most important homework for parents to do.

The sense of autonomy, self -esteem, sense of accomplishment, and value forms four keys to life, which is used to lead children to start a new journey to adults to solve the new tasks that appear in each journey. This is the concept of raising the time pattern. It is about whether parents can use their development to look at the growth of their children's eighteen years.

From the birth of the child, parents will start to observe the clues to see if the child is "smart". Even children who seem to be weak before the age of three will often over -protect the child because of misunderstandings, ignore the formation of children's autonomy, and miss the opportunity to open the smart valve.

The "Time Pattern" tells us that parents are like the brain software programmer of their own children. We turn the child's brain into different software systems through different raising modes: the excessive protection mode will be compiled. The system ", indifferent and depressed raising mode will compile a single and rough" stiff system ", and encouraging the nursing mode of independent exploration will create a complex and fine" exchange system ". The child's positive and autonomous experience allows the brain to continue to receive the information in the environment and constantly build a neural network for their brain. As long as parents can create a rich environment and allow their children to "watch freely", children can "build new connections at a amazing speed of 700 to 1,000 per second", and the more neurons are connected, the more children will become the more clever.

Maybe most parents will not pay too much attention to the child’s independence before the child is 3 years old, because I always feel that the child is young, and we do a little bit more for him. When the child grows up, he will naturally be independent. Essence

But in fact, this is a very wrong point, because autonomy is a consciousness. If this consciousness is not "sowed" into the child’s brain before the age of 3, the neurons and synapses under the jurisdiction of this brain area will not be It is stimulated to grow, so the consciousness of independence is difficult to be established. Without the consciousness of autonomy, the child's independent behavior will not occur.

In addition, autonomy is an important basic condition for children to develop more capabilities. For example, children without autonomy, it is difficult to suddenly learn to arrange time and complete homework by themselves after elementary school.而且自主性与孩子未来的创造力发展密不可分，一些心理学家对富有创造性的数学家、作家、建筑家等的个性特征进行了研究，结果一致认为，“独立自主、自信心强、不求人、 The characteristics of enthusiasm and diligence, decision, ability to autonomy, and self -control "are the most basic factor in the quality of high -level creative talents.

Stimulating children's autonomy, what is most needed is that parents can always maintain their awareness of "children are self -independent". Even if we think that children look fragile, we must see him as a subject of self -development.

As parents who give life, we are just pushing hands to help children start the potential of life. Therefore, we need to change the inherent concept of raising. Children are not weak, but in the future strong. "Food nutrition" can make their bodies stronger. "Society Nutrition "can make them smarter, and parents should focus on the creation of an environment suitable for children. The book also introduces the specific method of cultivating children's sense of autonomy, and the training methods of key personality traits in other stages.

Starting from birth, take children step by step towards self -discipline

The essence of time management is to learn to manage yourself, that is, to learn self -discipline. Although parents are always anxious to let their children take the initiative to take care of themselves, they always complain that their children need to supervise and drag their drags. The concept of time in your head is passed on to your children.

"Time" divides the long process of parents to teach children to learn time management into three stages:

The first stage occurred in the period of infants and young children. Through the child's inner feelings about the time and day and night changes in life and life, the early concept of the child was entered; the second stage started from elementary school, focusing on the development of children's execution skills in daily life and learning , Guide children to make time planning for their own learning and extra -curricular activities; the third stage starts from junior high school, encouraging children to set short -term and medium -term goals for their own learning, and develop the target management ability that determines the goal of not relaxing. Parents can do it. Gradually let go, let the children gradually move from his law to self -discipline.

As long as the child's age is guided in a proper way, the child's time management ability will grow naturally. For example, at the stage of the child's first elementary school, the most important thing is not to do the homework perfectly, but to cultivate the child's ability to grasp the work time.

For example, using an hourglass timing method, using a doll as a method of classification, etc., so that children can accurately estimate the time of the operation, and then control the time to complete the operation. There is a detailed introduction in the specific way. Many parents may feel trouble for this way of focusing on long -term and underlying ability, but Huang Jingjie said:

"In the process of educating children, what we should avoid is that it is not fast. It is good to let the children complete the homework directly and quickly, but the sequelae is that the child has completed the assignment with the urging of the parents. But his mind did not form a comprehensive thinking and planning habit of doing homework. That is to say, he only knew what parents told himself to do. Once his parents did not stare, the child did not know how to do it for himself for himself. At the time of allocation, how to complete the homework on time on time. On the contrary, if parents can help their children to establish a habit of assignment classification and self -supervision before the fourth grade of elementary school, then the problem of children's job dragging in the first elementary school is at the beginning of the elementary school at the beginning of the elementary school. It was solved. "

The whole book of "Time" attaches great importance to the cultivation of intangible but extremely important internal abilities. As the last author of the book said:

"The theme of time management is very large. It is so big that we have to learn, trial and error, change, and control through our lifetime. The essence of time management is a person’s self -management ability and desire for self -management. Compared with other skills, this is some of them. The invisible energy needs to be enlightened, nourished and expanded in the family environment. Last night, when the younger son watched me write the last sentence for this chapter: 'Mom, our family is too hard.' Yes Well, 'fight' can be passed on, and 'bite the target without relaxation' can also be infected. When I am about to write, I imagine a picture: wait for us to grow old, and the children are in their own way in their own way. When they lived in their lives, I found that they actually had too much the same thing as me.

We don't care what we want to give them today. In fact, they have already given them in every day's life. 18 years is like a life -like "umbilical cord". Parents have unknowingly influenced, changed, and shaped their children's early life. At any time and anywhere, the family is the most important life base of enlightenment, nourishing and strengthening children.

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