A long farewell: the last decade of the father who suffered from Alzheimer's disease

Alzheimer's Disease (AD) is a degenerative disease of the nervous system that is hidden in onset. Waiting for comprehensive dementia is characterized, the cause is unknown so far ...

The following article is from Patti Davis, the youngest daughter of the 40th President Reagan in the United States. Because of her father suffering from Alzheimer's disease, she once rebelled with her father, returned to her family, and started a long farewell with her family. Patti recorded the days of accompanying his father in the form of a diary, and the precious coexistence of his father and his family in his childhood memory.

"I'm eighty -four years old"

In the process of losing someone, no moment will be bland.

We all realized that time is passing quickly. The holiday is approaching, and the whole family feels vaguely that this may be the last Christmas of my father. At the same time, we are still in some kind of lingering and unknown situation. We have a strange feeling in our hearts. We believe that time may only be delayed intentionally, walking away, or completely motionless. For patients with Alzheimer's disease, time is short and urgent. It loses linear flow and becomes difficult, often the moment in front of it. Looking at all of this, we found that our views have also changed. The whole family will try to look at time like a father, pause with him, and set at a certain moment. I often remind my mother that Einstein once said that we are convinced that the unquestioned space -time continuous body is only fictional out of thin air. So who thinks is right? In front of his father, we will follow his footsteps to try to integrate into his imagination of time.

One morning, he said to his mother, "I'm eighty -four years old." This is an unreasonable thing that is not related to anything. It is a idea that flashes in his mind. Echoes in the air. We have all experienced such experiences, suddenly remembering the changes in the season, thinking of the years of passing, thinking of the time we met with another person, and then suddenly realized the shortness of life and the speed of time. When it comes to "winter is here", the voice of our words is as if we were still packing winter clothes yesterday to open the windows to meet the summer; when we talk about a child are already sensible, we can still feel that he drilled into our arm curvature, and Vaguely heard the child's tender voice sounded in his ears. Recently, I said to a friend who lives in Los Angeles and came to New York to make movies, "We have known each other for more than fifteen years." Thinking of this, he nodded. When I knew him, he had no children; when he knew me, I was still excluding my parents. This statement is particularly and independent, based on many years of memories.

In the early morning of that day, when his father said "I'm eighty -four years old", he and his mother just woke up. The two lay together like their half of their lives. When she and I mentioned the matter, I don't know what the time he is out of pain for this time, whether he is marking his departure -he has reached the age of being able to say goodbye. I will look for these signs and listen attentively, because I believe that people may know when they will leave the earth, and will tell you in a way that is not easy to detect. You must pay attention to understand the meaning of words, abandon words, and explore the meaning behind them. Maybe he is classifying, defining, and indicating the date of his life -for himself, but I think it is more for us. He couldn't detailed his inner thoughts, so those thoughts were still lonely and mysterious, always moving my heartstrings.

In the process of losing someone, no moment will be bland. The most insignificant gesture, the simplest and plain sentence, will be given more important significance. Mother often talks about how cute her father is. He was careful and considerate, and he waited for her expression before walking out of the room. Even after only a while, he still had to kiss her when he saw her. This is not because she recently discovered the quality of him, but because his cuteness was not affected by the disease -you must know that this disease has stolen a lot of things, just like a thief, just like a thief, just see whatever you see. What do you take.

When my mother said to me, "No one should suffer from this disease", I thought, what would always be stolen from time. I don't know how to respond to her. After all, there are too many things in the world. His father said, "God has his own truth." The belief in God's wisdom made him comfort. I was not so firm, and occasionally seeking comfort in faith, knowing that it was a better way of lifestyle. But at other times, I would wave my fist at heaven and ask why, especially when I think of the life I have passed, I think of those times that I have been virtuous, and when I am on the wrong road of the wrong road. Why did you stop me from the sound of heaven? I often think about it like this, but soon I realize that I will not listen to any other voices except my own voice.

Later tonight, I walked to the fireplace and blowing off the candle. Every night, at home, I will order candles, because someone has told me that you will never be frustrated when you see the flames of the candle. In addition to all kinds of candles and windproof lamps, my fireplace is also placed on a picture of the godmother Collin Moore. She is a silent star and spent on the ranch in northern California in her later years. There is also a photo of squirrels. It was raised from childhood to large when I lived in Los Angeles. It was sensitive and wild. Next to a painting in Boris Valeyo, the woman in the painting was lying on the hillside and looking up at a unicorn. This painting is both bold and emotional, full of fantasies that do not need to be said. There is also a picture of his father. Tonight, it was the contemplation of me. The background of the photo was my family farm when I was a kid, and he was jumping on his back. It was a black and white photo, which was taken on a fog. The person who took the picture grabbed him and Ma Er when he saw it in the air and the forefoot of Maer was about to fall. I got close to the photo and carefully detail the body of the horse. I saw its strong pectoral muscles tight when jumping. I can almost smell the heat and sweat on it, and feel that its fur is so smooth under my hands. The father's body is perfect. He drove his horse uniquely and elegantly. I can hear him say, "Nothing can be more suitable for human body than horses." This is a sentence he often hangs on his mouth, and he echoed in my mind after many years. Winter on the farm is my favorite time. At that time, the mist would never dissipate, and the horse was full of energy and eager to fly. Standing there, I hope that the photo can take me back to the past, pull me into the painting, and return to the time I know that I have passed away. I want to bring a more mature, more wise, willing to absorb everything back. But I can only weep in front of the photo. I thought, I used to be so angry, most of them didn't know why. I missed a lot, letting the days pass by day, but I didn't realize that the time passed quickly. Now they come back and torture my heart.

At the same time as the tears were raining, I made up my mind to give my father a Christmas gift: a album about horses. In this way, he can think of them that they have benefited from his body and mind, and then jump on the horse as if in the past, turn the time back, and be taken to a more carefree day.

The assassination of Izak Labin shocked the world. In the past few days, I can feel people's sorrow and shock at the end of the streets. I remembered the comforting speech published after the "Challenge" disaster. There is a silent space between his words. The White House invited my mother to represent him to Israel to participate in Laibin's funeral. She felt that she couldn't go, so she invited George Schultz to go. I know that this is not only because she is unwilling to leave my father in a hurry, but also because of the funeral of a character like Labin, it is a mission to her. To a certain extent, this pain can associate the past and the upcoming future. Laibin was shot after a speech -like the scene of my father's assassination. The leaders of the world gathered in a solemnity -this will also be what my family will eventually experience. I think my mother may not be able to bear the shadow of the future, and let people all over the world watch her silently sorrow for a dead leader. Because in the near future, the world will see her silently sorrow for her husband.

I cut off the granddaughter of Labin from the newspaper and delivered a speech at his funeral. The poetry in her eloquence and wording made me heartbreak. A seventeen -year -old girl can make sadness into such a beautiful thought, which is really respectful.

She said: "You used to be the pillar in front of the camp, but now we have left the dark camp alone. We are so cold and so sad." In the end, she said, "I imagine that there should be angels to accompany you to accompany you now Your left and right. I will ask them to take good care of you because you are worthy of their protection. "

I stuffed this newspaper to a few documents on the desk, so that I can take it out often to find inspiration. The dilemma of this young girl experienced me with the same body and benefited me.

* The above content is selected from "Long Farewell"

Author: [beauty] Patty Davis/Huang Yao/Translation

※ Patti Davis, the daughter of the 40th US President Reagan

※ The last decade of the rebellious daughter and the father who suffered from Alzheimer's disease

※ The world's cognition of Alzheimer's disease has changed due to him

Editor in this issue: Wang Jie Trial: Li Yun

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