Being "nonsense" with your child is the biggest blessing of each parent | accompanied by reading

Author | 和

Broadcast | Wu Bingjie

Visual Design | Fan Wei Wang Rongjia

Host of the column | Du Runnan

In order to have more time to accompany the child to grow, the cousin gave up the high salary of the big city. But recently she complained to me that her communication with her children encountered some problems.

I ate at my cousin's house in the evening. My cousin chased the little nephew and asked Dong to ask: "What lessons did you take today? What did you learn?"

The little nephew was always absent -minded and answered well. I picked up my new mobile phone and looked left and right. I asked my mobile phone brand for a while.

Sister cousin interrupted the little nephew a little angrily, "Mom asked you to say something well, so he knows to say nonsense!"

And I told my cousin that if I want to communicate with you well, I really talk about "nonsense" with the child.

Because those seemingly useless "nonsense" are actually the most effective tricks to solve parent -child problems, and many useful information is hidden in children's nonsense.

The biggest trap of parent -child communication is only useful to the child

I once watched a movie "Thousands of Arrows through the Heart". In the play, Li Baoli played by Yan Bingyan loved his son Xiaobao in his bones. When he was young, he greedy black and worked hard to earn money for his son to read. Misunderstanding, after being admitted to college, she had to cut off her mother and child relationship with her.

Li Baoli's encounter is sighing, but this is not related to her way of treating her children.

Since childhood, she rarely chats with her son. The most thing to say to her son is "Did the homework finish writing?"

There is such a piece in the play. After finishing the heavy work, she went home and saw her son. She asked casually: "Did the homework finish?"

The son suddenly yelled at his mother: "Have you finished the homework? Will you say something else!"

Li Baoli didn't understand that she was concerned about her son, but why she made the child so disgusted.

In fact, the way of communication between Li Baoli and his son is also the true portrayal of many families around us.

Many parents talk to their children every day:

"Have you finished writing?

Do you understand in class?

What is the exam? "

No other.

The answers that children give us are mostly:

"After writing;

understood;

is acceptable......"

When many parents complain that their children are unwilling to communicate with themselves, they have never thought that it is the window that we communicate with the children by ourselves.

In parent -child communication, the biggest trap is only useful words to children.

The relationship between parents and children who can speak "nonsense"

I have read Mr. Yang Yan's famous prose collection "We". In the book, the warm and harmonious getting along with their family of three mouths is enviable.

The relationship between her daughter Qian Yuan and her parents is like a friend who has nothing to talk about, with infinite love in her intimacy. The family went out for dinner, and they would chat while waiting for the food.

Qian Zhongshu and his daughter observed the people next to them to study the dress and dialogue of others. The table was two couples; this table was relatives, who is the owner, the guest, and who is the relationship.

The "nonsense" of the three people chatting makes the atmosphere of eating very warm and harmonious.

A psychologist once said, "Talking about waste is the most important ability to be a parent."

Because if the child is willing to say "nonsense" to you, first shows that he is happy with you, and secondly, it shows that the child trusts you and is willing to let you enter his heart.

When a person chats nonsense, he must be the most relaxed. He will say his most authentic feelings and ideas, and the easiest to accept the opinions and suggestions of others.

The children who can speak "nonsense" are smarter

However, due to the tight learning tasks and the busy work of parents, many parents and children have a limited time to chat with their children.

In the short chat time, parents will certainly hurry up and talk to their children the most important thing, such as learning, but what we don't know is that talking to children "nonsense" is not a waste of time, but unexpected benefits.

The book "Parent's Language" says that a classic language environment is crucial to children.

Therefore, if you want to raise a smart child, parents must chat with their children more and talk "nonsense."

Open and shatter what happened around us, and instill them with the most acceptable language that children can accept.

Parents' "nonsense" is actually the most useful tool for helping children grow.

Children's sharing desire is protected by adults

There is a saying: The 4 -year -old child is stingy, but the 14 -year -old child has become dumb.

In fact, children's sharing desire requires adults.

When my son was five or six years old, he also had a special "talk" for a while, and his "nonsense" made my head buzzing.

But as parents, we cannot simply stop children, or choose to ignore and crack the child.

Instead, we must protect the children's desire to share nonsense, and give some patience to listen to the children. They do not judge or blame.

1. Talk to your child some nonsense before going to bed

My friend Orange was very busy, but she and her 10 -year -old daughter were like "girlfriends" who had nothing to talk about. The relationship was enviable.

I asked her to ask for the secret of maintaining parent -child relationship. The suggestion she gave me was to lie in bed for 15 minutes "nonsense" in bed before going to bed every day.

In fact, this time before going to bed is the best opportunity for parent -child communication. We can talk to our children about the interesting things around us, and even gossip about the story of classmates and friends.

These seemingly "nutrition" topics can reflect the child's state of school, the views of the classmates and the way of life.

2. I often share my "secrets"

If you want to know the secrets of your child, parents must first learn to expose their secrets. Parent -child communication is the same as making friends. Parents expose more, the more children expose themselves.

3. Try to reduce the purpose of the conversation

If one day, the child talks to you about the problems you encounter in school, such as breaking the toy, what will you say?

The first reaction of many parents is to help their children find a way to solve the problem: Let's buy another? I will help you redo one.

But this may make children lose their interest in talking about this, because all they need is listening and understanding, not how to solve this problem.

"How to say, children can listen; how to listen, children are willing to say", suggesting that the parents' approach is to help the child say feelings, or talk to the child in a fantasy way.

For example: The son's toy rabbit dropped a ear, and his father would say, "You must want to say a spell yourself, and the rabbit can grow a new ear."

This seemingly useless nonsense can make children feel most comfortable.

Mr. Zhu Ziqing said that speaking for a lifetime, it is not all the truth, it is a bit nonsense, and we live interesting.

Between parents and children, they cannot talk about the useful "serious talk". When they say more "nonsense", the parent -child relationship is more intimate and harmonious.

Source | Daughter School (ID: NVERPAI) (About the dry goods of daughter, all here; about the bitterness of the daughter, you know here; I hope they will be pure in life, know the gift of life, and be decent.)

Author | 和

Editor in charge ｜ Zhao Li

- END -