"Moral trap" -The physical and mental fatigue, also be a good person?

Are you a person who is often evaluated by others? You look very easy -going, you must respond, and gradually, people take your dedication as a matter of course. You gradually feel that life is always caught in a "please model", and you are always unable to refuse and get used to please others. If the above description is in line with your actual situation, it is a pity that your life may be unlucky! From the perspective of psychology, choosing "good people" is not a kind of wisdom.

Cruel truth -people who are willing to dedicate are often excluded

People who are willing to dedicate will often enhance the interests of the team and even the society, so it sounds incredible for the exclusion, suppression or expelction against the TAs. But this phenomenon really exists in different countries and cultures. In 2018, Professor Pat Barclay and his student Aleta Pleasant confirmed this phenomenon in the experiment. They recruited 117 personnel and group "Public Goods Game" in groups in groups in groups. Each group in the group will be divided into 10 virtual currency. In each round of games, the team members need to decide how much money is left to themselves, how much money is put in the "public account"; the money in the public account will double, and then the average team members will be distributed to all team members. According to the rules of the game, the best approach is that everyone puts their own virtual currency into the "public account" and distribute it, so that everyone can get double the money.

However, people will be selfish, and they will worry that if others do not pay, they only pay more, then they will suffer. As a result, in actual decisions, people always choose to invest only a part of the money into the "public account". The distribution method of all members in the group is public, and everyone can see how much money other members invest in public accounts. After the distribution is over, everyone is allowed to punish other team members. TAs can specify the target of punishment and pay the corresponding virtual currency to deprive the other party's virtual property -every one virtual currency spends, the TAs can reduce the punishment object by 3 yuan. Those who were fined only knew how much money they were punished, but they would not know who punished themselves.

The researchers calculated the average contribution of each team to the public account and classified the punishment made by the team members. If some team members invest in the public account more than the average contribution of the group, then the researchers will count the "punishment for these members who are willing to share" as "anti -society punishment". A total of five rounds were performed. It was found that every round of people would rather damage themselves, and they must also "punish anti -society"

Why do you obey to punish good people? This may be to make yourself less bad, so as to win competition. By punishing good people, the punishment can crack down on good people's efforts, make good people less "good", and thus narrow the gap between each other.

Professor Barclay introduced a "observer" in some game groups and told the team members that the observer would choose partners to cooperate with them after seeing everyone's fund distribution plan. In other words, team members need to compete with each other to win the recognition of observers. The cooperation objects that observers will choose are often those who are most agreed. It was found that the "anti -social punishment" was particularly serious in the group of observer. This shows that people try to reduce the aura of good people by cracking down on sharing.

It can be seen that the "live Lei Feng" in the team may not have the future of the workplace, and even the fate of being "beaten". Is this enlightenment to you who are attached to "good people"?

You have to lose money -the old good people are not easy to be happy

Some people always like to excessively dedicate themselves, and they are forced to live as a "old good man", and sometimes helplessly jokingly nicknamed themselves as "pleased". In fact, the so -called "pleasedr" is not a concept of fabrication, and TAs will really consume themselves. Obviously just want to be a good person, how can it become like this? This is because the life of the pleaseders is almost occupied by others.

For a long time in the full load state, the pleasing person often feels exhausted. One of the common behaviors is: over -work. The value of TAs is completely based on the evaluation and feedback of others. To this end, the TAs will show excessive sense of responsibility and try to satisfy everyone. In the minds of TA, the interests of companies, leaders and other colleagues are always higher than themselves. And once you stop busy, the TAs began to worry about others who are dissatisfied with themselves. This will inevitably cause the TAs to be trapped in excessive busyness and ignore their views, preferences and feelings. Such a problem not only occurs in daily interpersonal communication, but even in intimate relationships, it is often difficult for the pleaders to show their true self.

For the hospitality of love, you are the center of the TA world. The TAs often depressed/closed their true emotions and unconsciously promise all your requirements, even if you are difficult to do. Sometimes, we will be frustrated because we can't feel the true feelings of the pleading person, and even want to express their true emotions from a fierce attitude. This will make the pleading further feel that "expressing emotions may be dangerous." So I didn't dare to express my true self and speak some big words that are opposite to real thoughts. Because of this, many pleaseders are at the same time (only those who do not like themselves). Although TAs are used to please others, when others show the same good to themselves, the TAs will start to reject this relationship. Because the TAs cannot believe it, the real themselves deserve to be loved. Refusing to be a "old man" is the wisdom that every adult should have

Since being a good man is so laborious, what should we do? In fact, we can try to be an exclusive "entertainment activity" form, listing at least ten activities that can really feel happy. Then stipulate that you do at least two lists to make you happy. Small to a massage, scattering, and traveling overseas. In the process, what you need to learn is to take care of yourself and please yourself like you used to treat others.

In the end, I hope that every "old man" can try to think and explore. After removing the identity of "good people", what do you look like -if it is not a "good person", who are you? Then, you have to believe that no matter what you look like, it is worthy of being treated by yourself.

references

Parks, C. D., & Stone, a. B. (2010). The desire to excelfish members from the group. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 99 (2), 303.

Pleasant, A., & BARCLAY, P. (2018). Why is it the good guy? Antisocial Punishment of high cooprators is great where compete to be chosen.

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Edited by the popularization of popular science China

Content comes from: Chinese Psychological Society Psychology Popularization Working Committee

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