The high emotional quotient you think is actually a low social business

Have you ever experienced such an experience?

On the surface, you have a good relationship with some people, but in fact, you have been lowering your posture to cater to each other.

In psychology, this phenomenon is called "low social."

Although it can make you have a seemingly wide -looking connector, when you really need help, 99%of the connections will not provide you with substantial help.

The writer Zhang Meng said:

High emotional intelligence will make others feel comfortable and be welcomed by others. But not everyone who makes others feel comfortable is a high -emotional intelligence, and it may be a "pleasure" patient.

When people's associated between people, only one -way pleasure and dedication, the high emotional intelligence we think falls into the trap of "low social".

I have heard a pen friend who shared his own story:

In the author's group, she added a famous editor WeChat.

After that, she will actively like comments.

But the editor never gave her a dynamic point, and rarely responded to her comments.

Even if she was in the New Year, she sent the elaborate blessings to the editor, and the editor also responded to "thank you" every two or three days.

On one occasion, the pen friend saw the editor posted a letter of submission in the circle of friends.

She wrote an article and posted it in accordance with the requirements.

The editor just said a faint sentence: "The manuscript does not work."

The pen friend felt puzzled and asked the editor's reason why he had not passed the manuscript.

You can not even reply to her.

In real life, many people have had similar experiences.

Perhaps, it is to run the legs for the pommel of the saddle, but when you need the leadership to help, the leaders are too lazy to ignore you;

Perhaps, it is often giving a gift to a senior, but you can turn around, and people will forget you.

Zhang Ailing once said:

"My social activities, come back and think about it. Every action I said, every action I did, felt stupid, and I regretted it almost hated it."

We always think that attentiveness can be favored, and efforts can be cherished.

In fact, if there is not enough ability blessing, in the eyes of others, you are likely to be useless.

The best -selling book "Please Stop invalid Social" said:

"You are busy with communication, tired of cope, chickens and ducks are embarrassing everywhere. You are not socializing at all, but unnecessary time."

Socially self -descending posture will not only waste a lot of energy, but also have no benefit to its own development.

Writer Liu Run once told his own story.

Because of his work, he knew many big guys in the industry.

So people often ask him: Do you know Moumo? Can I introduce me to know? I need to ask him to help.

At this time, Liu Run will let someone who needs help to write something and transfer to his big guy he wants to know.

If the big brother thinks that the other party is well written, Liu Run will introduce the understanding of both parties;

But if the other party is unwilling to write, he just said to Liu Run: "If you help introduce, there will be a lot of money." Then Liu Run will no longer take care of the other party.

Liu Run said:

All cooperation is based on the premise that both parties are valuable. You are looking for him because obviously you think he is valuable to you. However, if you have a value to him, you need to give him a judgment. You write something, I will help you turn it, it is already the biggest face for you. If you thank me, but I introduced to my friends, it is equivalent to selling my credit. Do you think the multiple "reunite" can afford my credit?

A word spoke the voice of many people.

In life, there are always people who feel that spending more money and saying more good words can integrate into a high -quality circle.

As everyone knows, if you are not good enough, no matter how much you know you know, it is useless.

After all, money is easy to gain, but the ability of a person is not exchanged.

The social network of adults pays attention to the matching of value, and the achievement of two -way.

Only with sufficient strength can it be favored and helped by others.

As said in "Minimalism":

"When you don't reach a higher level, all connections are worthless.

Human connections are often not pursuing, but attracted. "

Only by clinging up can we work together; only when there are directors can they nourish each other.

When you silently improve your ability and high -quality connections, you will come one after another.

I agree with a sentence in "My First Half Life":

"No one will become our eternal shelter, and only ourselves are their own shelter."

The world of adults, instead of whispering and maintaining the relationship with others, it is better to grow up upward and grasp the right of screening.

So, how to quit "low social" and attract high -quality interpersonal circles?

Give everyone 3 suggestions:

1. Improve your own ability

In psychology, there is a "seesaw law".

The relationship between people is like the ends of the seesaw, which requires equal ability to be able to live for a long time.

It can be seen that if you want to achieve social socializing, your ability in some areas must be outstanding enough.

Like the writer Lian Yue said:

"Don't worry that you have no connections, you have to worry about not growing up."

If you want to meet better people and polish yourself, it is the last word.

2. Do subtraction for socialization

In modern life, it is understandable to expand human connections by gathering and grouping.

Fear of fear, use all your free time on social.

Because this will cause others to "you are very idle", and the assessment of your ability will also greatly decrease. Just like the best -selling book "High EQ determines your social value":

"When a person has a lot of free time, his time is worthless, which is a very negative label.

Once you are labeled, there will be no one who is willing to take the initiative to contact him. "

True smart people know how to subtract socializing and put more energy on self -improvement.

3. Show the "value anchor point"

Writer Zhang Meng once proposed a concept of "value anchor", which refers to the precise positioning of self -worth in interpersonal relationships.

It can be its own professional advantage, or its own specialty or hobby.

The value anchor point determines your own irreplaceableness, and it is also an opportunity to promote you and others.

In social occasions, you can subconsciously introduce your own advantages;

Or through some hard indicators, prove to others the potential to do something.

In this way, those who are interested in you will take the initiative to come to the door.

I like a word very much:

"The so -called connection is not how many people you know, but how many people know you."

The real high emotional intelligence social integrity is to use their own ability to open up the barriers of the circle, so that more and more powerful people appreciate you and approach you.

In the process, you don't have to cater to the recognition;

You don't have to whisper because of self -doubt.

Your ability is your capital that allows you to be seen and needed by people on most occasions.

For the rest of our lives, we hope that we can continue to refine ourselves, both the ability to provide value for others and the confidence of equal social.

As Audrey Hepburn said:

"I don't go chasing the moon, I want to let the moon come to me."

Click "watching" and encourage everyone!

Author | Zhuxi, love reading, love life.

Picture | Visual China

- END -