Dad, I am your "um", but how did you forget me ｜ Share before bedtime

Author:Jiefang Daily Time:2022.06.19

During that time, his father's Alzheimer's illness entered the middle and late stages, and he could not call his family name at all, and he no longer recognized us. Many times, I got in front of him and called him "dad, dad". He heard it, and his eyes moved to me, but it was a strange and cold look. I reached out and touched a mole at the lower end of his left cheeks: Dad, I am "囡" (Shanghai dialect, meaning daughter), remember me? When I was young, I was in a good mood, and I would climb his knees and reached out to touch his mung bean mole. He always glanced at me, like blame, but with a smile and petting smile on his face. This is my coquettishness and his coquettishness, and it is also the comfort he gave me. But now, let me stroke his face again and again, he just stared at me sluggishly, without giving me a hint of giving back. Yes, he has forgotten his child, the life he gives, and the name he gives is forgotten.

I am his first child, and my birth is jerky and solemn. My mother recalled countless times, my waves in her stomach started from 12 o'clock in midnight. She said: Your dad puts a pair of cotton pants for the back seat of the bicycle, let me sit on it, and then he carries me and rides. 6 kilometers, I sent me to the then Sichuan -Sha County People's Hospital ...

When I was young, my father hugged me

The story took place in the days when I first arrived in the 1970s. In winter, in the early morning, I broke through the darkness and saw the sun at the top of the world. I blushed my face and cried, my cry was bright and melodious, with some natural wonderful melody; my little face was round and fair, even when I cried, it was beautiful, yes, I am a beautiful one Baby, surpass all babies in the ward ... This is my young mother's memory of her first child. The judgment made with the eyes of her beauty filter will always surprise and doubt me. Next, her memories must be added to the repeated countless times: your dad is really, in the end, it is a rural person, and do n’t look at what it is. Can men enter casually? He actually pushed the door and rushed in. What was written on the door? "The delivery room is heavy, and the idle man can't enter." He didn't even recognize the words, only to know his "囡".

Many times, he was laughed at by her, and she just smiled, never explaining that it was because of excitement, not the "rural people". And her mother, whether in her young woman or rare now, her round face is always full of naive smiles, with contentment. Is this a kind of happiness? Every time she is immersed in memory, I always think so.

I spent the freshest days after the arrival of the 1970s in the hospital. I was going to be discharged. I was wrapped in a red satin's face, and my aunt hugged me. His father had to go to work. He sent our three people to the small train. The aunt took me to the window. He said to the platform: You, goodbye to your dad, see you on Sunday.

His face blushed, smiled, and paused for two seconds, as if hesitated, but he didn't speak, and only smiled at us in the window.

He is not used to being called "dad"? He paused for two seconds to accept himself as a "dad", but he didn't know how to answer. He did not say "囡, goodbye" to me, he used a smile to cover up his father's unknowingly. It shows that it is restrained and calm ... The mother's memory always takes her personal imagination. Maybe she is not used to being a child's "mother", and the blushing person may be her. They are young people in the 1970s. They are easy to feel "shy" on marriage and fertility issues, and even "shame", as if getting married and having children, all are embarrassed.

Well, my newly appointed dad, he sent us to a small train and waved goodbye to us. That day, from the town of the hospital where the hospital was, I came to my mother's mother's house and my grandmother's house in Cao Lu.

In the first Spring Festival in the 1970s, my mother was confinement in her mother's house. The bedroom filled with a mahogany furniture in a house is hanging on a white rice paper inlaid with a glass frame inlaid, which is the calligraphy of Longfei Fengwu. The one at the top of the big cabinet is called "Butterfly Love Flower · Answers Li Shuyi", one of which, "Lonely Chang'e Shu Shuguang sleeves, thousands of miles of long sky and loyal soul dance." There is also a song "Water Tuning Songs · Swimming", hanging Above the door of the old -fashioned mahogany bed, "The Yangtze River crossed the Yangtze River, Chu Tianshu ..." On the day when he accompanied his wife to confine, his father recited the poems in the frame countless times. There is a word in the poems of the great men. When I was a kindergarten child, I asked my mother: Mom, how did you give me birth to me? She hesitated: Well -you drilled out of the belly of the Mom. The answer that she was lightly described and perfunctory could not eliminate my doubts: how did I get out of your belly? The third girl next door said that she was pulled out when her mother went to the toilet. Is it true? She stunned, for a long time, not answering me. I pursued it: Isn't it just like shit? She glanced at me in vain and replied: Yes, it was pulled out. After that, she turned around and went to busy her housework, leaving me alone in a daze. The third girl next door said that she was pulled into the toilet by her mother, and then her grandma poured her out of the toilet, washed her shit, washed away, like washing a radish just dug out of the soil, Wash it, use a quilt and a bag, and their family has a small hair. That's how Sanmei came, did I come like this? Dad looked like when he was young

My mother's blinking answer stimulated my curiosity. I couldn't tolerate that I was taken out of the toilet by an adult. I know that I was born in the Sichuan -Sand County People's Hospital. How could it be a toilet? But I couldn't imagine how I got out of my mother's belly. In my childhood, I was always troubled by such problems. Because of the toilet, I vaguely felt that having children was ugly. I have never asked my father in such a question. Sometimes, he heard my dialogue with my mother and never inserted it, but he would laugh at his wife and keep me in place. Essence It seems that the two of them keep a secret, a secret about how children come from.

At that time, he was still a handsome man, thick eyebrows, double eyelids, thin lips, corners of his mouth, smiling. He always wore a blue card in the mountains. Every morning, he rode his Phoenix Bicycle to the county 6 kilometers away from home to work. In the evening, the bicycle returned to us in the sound of "Dingling Dingling". The humble home. Every day, he will use a bicycle to go to our grandmother's house. I was sitting on the triangle gear in front, my mother sat on the schoolbag shelf behind, he was sandwiched among me and my mother, holding the handlebars, and seeing the front. While riding a bike, he pointed out the scenery of his young daughter: Shu Shu, saw no, there was an old cow bath in the river. This is the old cow. Remember? Do you remember that Dad will take you here to see an old cow when he grows up? When I was young, I nodded seriously, murmuring in my mouth: Old cows, old cows. The mother's laughter came from the back seat of the bicycle: How old is she? Where can I remember this in the future? You tell her now that it is bustling. He didn't take it for granted: No, Shu Shu will remember, is it? The younger I nodded very well, and used my obese little finger at the buffalo who was bathing in the river in the river, and shouted loudly: old cows, old cows, old cows ... Our bicycle walks on the road, our bicycle walks on the road, On both sides are dense elm forests, the wind comes on the wind. My little head leaned on his chest and smelled a good smell behind him, which was his sweaty fragrance with soap. The scenery in front of me was plundered and gradually blurred. I crooked my head and fell asleep on his undulating chest ... Later, I had a younger brother, and my father's phoenix bicycle was about to carry three people. Still sitting in the front triangle gear, the mother sat on the schoolbag holding her brother. As an eldest daughter, I enjoyed his mind alone.

A family of four in my elementary school

Sometimes, when we go to my grandmother's house, we will divide them in two ways. My mother takes me and my brother to take a small train. My father rides a bicycle alone. We will meet at Cao Lu Railway Station. Maybe just to save a train ticket, but in my eyes, it was a romantic game. He rode on the road. When we were sitting in the trains, we always encountered a few sections of the road and the railway in parallel. My brother and I were lying in the window to find him. He never let us down, yes, he will definitely appear in our field of vision. He is here and kick the bicycle hard. He is far away from the train. We are moving forward and he is also moving forward. I shouted: Dad, Dad ——

He saw us on the train. He held a bicycle handle with one hand and waved to us with one hand. I saw the wind blowing on his face, and his hair was not long as a wheat that welcomed the wind. He smiled, the speed of riding a bicycle was faster, and he seemed to want to rush the train to run, but the bicycle was gradually falling behind, and his figure became smaller and smaller. Then, he was blocked by the long tail of the train and could not see it. Essence However, as long as the train enters a small station, in just a few minutes, he will catch up with us. As soon as he leaves the station, he rides a bicycle in our vision again, and I will lie on the window again He shouted to him desperately: Dad, Dad -I just took a photo with Dad when I first worked

Yes, when I was young, I always felt that he would not leave me. No matter where I went, he would follow me, caught up with me again and again, and let me see a man with a smile at any time. Looking at me where it is opposite. Or, he rode a bicycle and pointed at a buffalo on the roadside river and said: Shu Shu, seeing no, a old cow is bathing in the river, and when you grow up, you will remember that Dad will take you here to see an old old one here. Is the cow ... The huge buffalo has a slow -moving body. It has a wide black brown back from the water. After that old cow, he no longer remembers me. Dad, do you know me? I looked at him, reached out again, stroked his wrinkled face, and the mole at the lower end of the left cheeks: I am Shu Shu, your "囡嗯" ... he seemed to be looking at me, his face facing me towards me But there is no shadow in the pupils, eyes are empty. He didn't remember me anymore, the life he gave, the name he gave, he forgot all. Once, when I was in the second grade of my elementary school, my good friend Ding Xiaoding made a plot, and we decided to change our name. Fortunately, we did not succeed, and I still called the original name. However, what did he think of the moment he decided to use the word in the poem of great men as his daughter's name? Have he thought about the name given me to my ideals and feelings? Or let my name carry his sustenance? However, I never know what his ideals and feelings are, and what his sustenance is. He hasn't told me that when he can remember the past, he didn't mention it. How can you forget? I looked at him, and my heart was grievance: You let me forget the old cow, I didn't forget, but how did you forget me? He still looked at me, with his eyes without focus. For a long time, he twisted his face silently and looked elsewhere, as if he wanted to avoid the gaze of a stranger Tang Tu. Tears suddenly came out: Dad, your old cow is too fast.