Dai Jinhua is present

Regarding the reality of everyone, she feels that young people now, "He is no less than you know, he is no less painful than you, and then you tell him again, why don't you hurt, I think it is a cruelty."

At the same time, she also began to ponder whether she could do more and whether she could stay.

Wen ｜ Lu Meihui

Edit ｜ Huai Yang

Photography ｜ Yin Xiyuan

senescence

When the Beijing epidemic was the most tense in spring, Dai Jinhua packed up a small bag and "prepared at all times."

Bags are things that mothers in their 90s may use. The old lady suddenly had a brain infarction at the beginning of the year, causing half -body dysfunction, and the mental condition became very unstable. It can be calmed down by sedative drugs every day. The hospital has not said that she did not say why. Dai Jinhua took her mother home to take care of it. The mother became a "old giant baby".

The most direct impact of mother's illness is that Dai Jinhua has to passively contact the "society". When she was young, she felt that the walls of Peking University were thick enough. At this stage, she walked out of the school to be hundreds of meters. In society, she can study it and criticize it as a scholar, but she cannot avoid it and escape it as a daughter.

Some new life experience knocks on Dai Jinhua. For example, how to find a doctor for the old lady, how to deal with various caregivers who come and go, private hospitals may be a kind of idea, but the price is far from being able to afford a teaching craftsman. She used the fatigue of the people to share experience with "Character". In Beijing, it is useless to know a half of a doctor. She has a deep helplessness.

This year is the 40th year of teaching. In the long 40 years of light, the courtyard wall of the college and the identity of the teacher became relatively calm in Dai Jinhua's life. In such a calm, for a long time, Dai Jinhua, who was not away from his mouth, was the mobile landmark of Peking University. Her classroom uses movies as a incision, connects the 20th century heritage and the ghost of the post -revolution, the previous life of feminism, the globalization crisis and the third world, the new technological revolution and structural abandonment of the people.

In recent years, through the Internet, several of her courses about movies have been widely spread, and she has also been recognized by more and more young people. In the eyes of the public, she is always wise and powerful. It is found that the field of thinking is so wide that no matter what confusion faced, it seems that she can find her, get answers, and gain strength.

But this year, life shows different appearances for Dai Jinhua.

Soon after the mother returned home from the hospital, the situation in Beijing's epidemic situation was severe again. Dai Jinhua did not think that he was too delicate, but thought of the mother who had completely lost self -care, and the weight of the code consisting of common sense, self -esteem, and basic thinking ability was lost. The reason is that she doesn't know when someone will knock on the door, she doesn't know where she will be separated, and she doesn't know how to set up her mother all the way.

In the end, although the news of the control from time to time came from time to time, her neighborhood was spared, but uneasiness and exhaustion did not disappear.

Starting from the front to the distance, a kind of "uncertainty that I haven't had in my life" tortured Dai Jinhua. During the interview of "Characters", the Russian and Ukraine War continued. The US Supreme Court passed the anti -abortion bill. The situation of the Taiwan Strait is constantly upgrading, and the world can't help but break, and Dai Jinhua feels that he has lost his future parameters.

Earlier, she was not afraid of interviews and made remarks to the public, but the interview of "Character" at first refused.

"This world has been surrounded by hatred, prejudice, flames, and war. But when facing such things, what can we do? This question really wants to escape. Maybe modern humans have come to the way to come to modern humans. Today, there is no way to provide ourselves with a solution to ourselves. "

When a powerful person falls into unprecedented helplessness, what else can she say?

Teng Wei, a professor at the School of Literature, South China Normal University, was Dai Jinhua's first doctorate. After knowing that Dai Jinhua's mother was sick, Teng Wei was always anxious. The epidemic was serious. It was not realistic to fly to Beijing. Whether she wants to call, she said she didn't want to talk or not want to say.

After doing Dai Jinhua for more than 20 years, Teng Wei fully understands that she does not want to trouble the stubbornness of others. Also as a teacher and humanities, Teng Wei can also experience how anxious Dai Jinhua is. "I am very worried, worrying that she has been unhappy, I have always been there, I am afraid to support her, but I am except for watching It seems to be very small. "

After graduating from the PhD, Teng Weinan taught him. He stayed in Guangzhou for more than ten years. He did not pay for "sharing each other's thinking without reservation, confusing each other, each other's heart knot, doubts of each other, and anger for each other." , I am used to drawing strength and identifying the direction from the teacher. Dai Jinhua is the anchor she has identified in life- "I am lonely in the south for so many years, so I feel that I have never graduated completely, I have been talking about the teacher. Sometimes I talk to the teacher about how much Sentence, the heart can calm down for a few days. "

Therefore, Dai Jinhua's "self -closed" was particularly panicked. She realized that when the teacher was helpless, she could not worry about the teacher.

A few years ago, Teng Wei conducted research on the group of aunt dance in the square. At that time, the "aunt" continued to experience the stigma of public space as a negative vocabulary. "Teacher Dai will say, that is me, I am aunt now. Teng Wei suddenly realized from the teacher with a joke that the teacher had to face the situation of retirement and the elderly. Previously, it seemed that the teacher had always been a state of knowing each other in her mind. But aging is a situation.

The advantage of Dai Jinhua's proud of himself is "can eat and sleep". During the journey, everything sees "Everything eats". Scholars in North America said that she was a person with no time difference and could go straight to the podium and venue when she got off the plane. She is always very "wanton", a 300,000 -word novel. If she likes it, she will read it in one breath. But in recent years, she found that she needs to pay the price: After reading a novel, she will still wake up when she should wake up, but she is very tired.

Forgotten is also increasing. A lot of information inquiries and verification should be made when preparing for lessons. In the past, "It is a bit exaggerated to say that the camera is exaggerated, but it is not exaggerated to say that it is not forgotten." But in the past two years, "After watching a movie, I like it very much, it will quickly become a tone, a kind of emotion The tone, a color tone. "

But she quickly changed the discourse atmosphere, "Even so, my energy is better than most people." In this life, she has a creed: rejection of sadness and self -pity. At the birthday of the 60th year, the students held a party for her. The climax was the "Forever Young" that everyone sang Pu Shu on the stage. According to the students' memories, Dai Jinhua at that time, "It's a bit moved, a bit happy, a bit happy , I'm a bit disgusted, maybe goosebumps. " She has no dream of "forever young".

She was fighting the warehouse at this moment. Throughout the spring, the only emotional exit was the Yuanmingyuan of the next door of Peking University. Dai Jinhua listened to some photography enthusiasts talking about a black swan family on the water surface of the Yuanmingyuan. There were six in total. In addition to their parents, one of the four goose babies was once an orphan and was later accepted by this family. This is a story with the basic goodwill of life. Every time, she carried the card machine to Yuanmingyuan and filmed those fluffy little guys. The situation of the mother gradually stabilized, and the bad spring was over.

Unwilling

The work that eventually let Dai Jinhua work hard, and the weapon was still thinking and saying.

She appeared in a short film recorded by Peking University for 2022 graduates. For most years in 40 years, June is her happiest day in the year. At this time in previous years, another group of young people left the campus, joy and reluctance to mix into a sweetness that looked at tomorrow. "I will feel that you are worth it. In this career, all your efforts, your happiness and sadness are worth it."

In the short film, she said, "I think the graduates of this session, they are very lucky and unfortunate to have the opportunity to realize that they are in the big era, rather than a small age, because of modern civilization, so where do we go? This generation, whether they are conscious or not, they are answered. "

There is a deep expectation in it. She knows her love in the youth group. In her recent expression, she intentionally covered her inner haze and increased a relatively positive expression. In the face of "Character", this is a kind of "Beautiful Life" -style kindness, and Dai Jinhua gave a negative answer. Regarding the reality of everyone, she feels that young people now, "He is no less than you know, he is no less painful than you, and then you tell him again, why don't you hurt, I think it is a cruelty."

At the same time, she also began to ponder whether she could do more and whether she could stay.

Around 2017, the living character culture found Dai Jinhua and wanted to make online courses for her. The first film lesson was launched in Douban. Since then, two courses are launched on station B and two courses of "Gender and Conduct" and "50 Chinese Movies". There will also be some videos of answering users in the course. She has talked about "escape back to Beijing, Shanghai, Guangguang", and also answered "The end of the epidemic is over, is it before getting back to the epidemic?" This video spread widely due to the strong current nature.

Dong Xiuyu, the founder of the living character culture, was regarded by Dai Jinhua as a "idol of life", remembered Dai Jinhua, who was active in various seminars in the 1990s. During the war of the new left, Dai Jinhua in Dong Xiuyu's impression, like a female warrior, explained the truth that she was identified at the venue like a female warrior. You (the same position) is your own, independent view and cognition. "

81 -year -old Dong Xiuyu witnessed the sinking of the Chinese intellectual group for more than half a century, and the tide came back. After a generation of people was romantic, many scholars turned to return to the book, or leap into the market. Dai Jinhua chose another path. This is Dong Xiuyu's precious side as an intellectual. "It is the development of the times. She is a person who is constantly learning and is willing to approach the people and approach young people."

Dong Xiuyu has been published for a lifetime. With her experience, some people will say that you are too young and lack experience. In the middle, you will say whether a woman can be done. When she is in her 70s, she will start a business. But Dong Xiuyu just did not believe in evil. At this point, she believed that Dai Jinhua was a type of person with herself.

They always want to do something, they never really stop. In 2007, Dai Jinhua performed a social survey in the Northwest

Back to the rejection of this interview, Dai Jinhua talked about whether he could still give the answer, but soon, she returned to a simple answer:

"Every time I feel that I can't work, I go back to this sentence. I used to visit an old British architect in India. When he said, when India was independent, he ran to India and found Gandhi. Question, what do I need to do? Gandhi said, what do you do? He said, I am an architect. Gandhi said, do you build a house, why do you ask me what can you do? Before walking everything, probably I can only do what I will do, what I can do. "

She told a story when she first went to the Film Academy to coach. At that time, a aunt in the school particularly liked her and invited her to visit her. At home, she was "nonsense and madly eloquent", aunt's husband, an old uncle, who talked to her out of good intentions, and said that when Qin extinguished the six kingdoms. Qin Jun treated the prisoners of war, "there are so many words in the history books, called" all pits and killing ".

"He said the fate of 50,000 people (Note: here should refer to the battle of Changping, and the Qin destroy 400,000 people), which is a sentence in the history book. How do you know that you are not among these 50,000 people? One of them? "Dai Jinhua gave an answer that he did not know about heights and heights." If I am one of these 50,000 people, I will struggle until the last minute, and I will try it. Climbing out of the pit, I won't wait to die, and on the other hand, even if I know (ending), I want to find the last line of life. "

The answer 40 years ago was clear again, "It is three words that support me to today, called" I don't accept ", I don't accept it, that is, no matter what the point I fall, the unwillingness in my heart will not give up."

capricious

"Don’t accept" is about understanding Dai Jinhua's most effective rune code.

In his childhood, he was weak and sick, and he could also be bruised to the door frame in Pingdi. The children of the same age were unbelievable. They could only fill in childhood loneliness by reading crazy reading.

At the age of 7, he trembled next to the red teenager of "Blood Wash Black Hutong", and he was more instinctively hid into the world of books when he was afraid of death.

At the age of 12, he was more than one meter seven -three. The adults frowned behind him and worried about her, "How to marry someone in the future."

In the end, the crazy reading rescued Dai Jinhua, who was inferior to his own height. One year, a father who was a literary enthusiast went to Hong Kong to travel on a business trip, saving money and buying her back a book "Jane Love". "Do you think I am short, poor, and not beautiful, do I have no soul and heart?" The girl's heart set off a tsunami. She quietly replaced the "short" to "tall", and since then, the stubborn girl on the 19th century British wasteland was cited as a confidant.

She also reads "How Iron is made" and appreciated Paul instead of Dongnia. She resonated with the simple and burning enthusiasm. Until now, she still admits that this book that was later considered outdated was still at the bottom of her life.

On her, there was the strong and sensitive girl of the "children of the times". In 1978, she was admitted to Peking University and took the class of Teacher Le Daiyun in the sophomore year. At that time, Teacher Le and Mr. Tang Yijie had just returned from abroad. No big part of them were brought back. All the books were brought back. Their home was completely open to young people. Many people went to the door. Even if they touched those books, they touched those books? , But Dai Jinhua has never been to.

"I'm more arrogant," recalling that year, she laughed. "No matter how much I want to ask questions after class, I won't go, and I don't have the courage to knock on the teacher's door at all." A dusk, she saw Teacher Le and Mr. Tang. Walking around Weiming Lake, she stood far away, watching them walking over, watching their backs, and watching for a long time. "At that time, I suddenly had a particularly clear idea, that is, I was going to teach in college, I wanted to surround the campus for a lifetime, and I was like them when I was old."

What does "they" look like?

"That's the peace. You know what they have experienced and see what they have experienced, but when you see the spirit of the spirit that cannot be deprived, I think this is particularly worth it. Such a life is particularly worth it."

When you are young, the interviewee confess to the picture of the interviewee

In 1982, she graduated from Peking University. She entered the Beijing Film Academy to teach. At that time, the choice of her classmates was the best way for the newspaper and publisher. It was the best way for liberal arts students to intervene in reality. The college seemed too closed and too far from reality. But she insisted as a teacher. At the Film Academy, she always wore a long skirt, a long earrings, and a clear face. The documentary "The other shore" left her image at the time -but once such a woman, once she said something, it immediately showed a kind of hardness. And determination. Her language has some kind of summon attributes, the bells and drums, the ocean is wild, and the table is the square.

Using Dai Jinhua's later analysis, the "fanatical revolutionaries" and "Cultural Little Bolgoya" constitute her dual personality. On the one hand, this personality gives her not fear, fearlessness, and resolutely decisive style, and on the other hand, it also makes the innocent, sensitive, and romantic temperament internalized into an instinct.

In the first year of the film school, in the school screening hall, Dai Jinhua created a record of 11 Bergman a day. In the subsequent life, she repeated many stories with the movie with the movie. After watching Godal's "" "Tired", Antonio's "Adventure", walking to the streets and wanting to shout wildly, "This is my" my "movie, I found" My "movie!" At that time, the film school was located in Zhu Xin Zhuang's deserted grass, just as film science is also blank in China. Around 1986, Dai Jinhua proposed the idea of ​​creating a film theory to create a film theory to the then dean, and received "no full support for reservations."

A group of like-minded young teachers in the college gathered in Dai Jinhua's dormitory every day. Later, everyone gave up the dormitory. It is important to discuss business. Dai Jinhua, who is newborn calf, often quarrels with Zhou Chuanji to blush his neck. In such an atmosphere, Dai Jinhua leads the establishment of China's first film history theory. Everything she is in person is that the enrollment of the first class in her professional class is that she has traveled to various test areas across the country and picked back one by one. When I encountered setbacks, I went to the office to find Shen Songsheng and patted the table to stare. A kind of hard -working romance is full of her youth. She dreamed of building her own "country of the middle". The world is brand new, and she can create any possibility.

This kind of rampant bump was pressed at the age of 27 at the age of 27. The third phase of the tuberculosis caused multiple organ failure. Girls' Generation hoped that the tragic fate of the heroine of the novel fell on himself. It really happened, and it was not romantic at all. Listen to the flat car that transported the corpse late at night, and the death was in front of me. Shen Songsheng took a jar of royal jelly to take a few hours of car to see her, comforted her, and had to have tuberculosis. Now she is not the dean. Dai Jinhua ridiculed the other party. The amused Shen Songsheng asked Dai Jinhua if she wanted to be the president. Shen Yan was confident that the path of her life at that time, and she just wanted to be a good teacher.

I lay in the hospital for eight months, "how many adults have grown up from the deadly fighting with death." Entering the 1990s, some friends went abroad, and some friends went to the sea. She once received a call from her old friend. The first sentence asked if she could get a batch of leather steel. In the 10 years, she felt a strong loneliness and real embarrassment. Around 1993, buying a piece of meat at home must be weighed again. She went to other places to give a lecture to make up for her family. The taxi driver heard that she was teaching and said that the picked up in Beijing was better than the teaching.

But she never thought of changing tracks. In the past years, how many changes have changed, but Dai Jinhua has always sealed some of her own age. After nearly 30 years, I presented awards to Dong Xiuyu at a event. Talking about Dong Xiuyu's travels and talking about the choice of her life. She borrowed the sentences in "Generation Master". Choose to stay in my own era. "

In 1995, Dai Jinhua interviewed in New York.

In October 1993, Dai Jinhua returned to Peking University for teaching due to the repeated invitation of Teacher Le Daiyun. Before going back, she confessed all of her concerns: Peking University was in charge of seniority. Le Daiyun said that we have our own climate, and in this climate, ensure that you can develop better. Less than a year back to Peking University, Dai Jinhua went to the United States for more than a year. This is the first time she has a relatively long -term foreign life experience.

In the 1980s, Le Daiyun pioneered the discipline of comparative literature in China. He served as the director of the General Literature Institute of Peking University and was attached to the Chinese Department. Around 1988, it was introduced by a common friend. Dai Jinhua became a frequent visitor to the musicians. Le Daiyun never concealed her appreciation. After Dai Jinhua taught Peking University, at the voting meeting held by the associate professor as a professor, because one person did not vote and did not reach the result of "full votes passed", Le Daiyun, who has always been gentle, lost his temper. , Fall the door and go away. Le Daiyun hopes Dai Jinhua to participate in the management. Dai Jinhua said that she did not want.

Le Daiyun asked her to talk, "Xiao Dai, you know the ability of people, but people and employers are two different things. You are a person who knows people instead of employment. This will not work in the future." Dai Jinhua said, what's wrong? She knew what the teacher meant, Le Daiyun was generous, and had almost infinite tolerance and patience to people, but Dai Jinhua felt, "Those who are clearly bottomless lines are not knotted."

That kind of "unwilling" is actually a wayward. "I am impatient, I am impatient to operate an institution and maintain the things that must be done in a circle. Greeting card, give a gift, come to maintain this relationship. We do n’t meet for many years. When we meet, we are as close -up and feet, because all good friends are sincerely appreciated by each other. The maintenance of the maintenance is probably passed, and too many people will pass by you. "

She was forcibly sent to the hospital because of a fever, but she was impatient and endless testing inspection. I think I have been particularly willful in my life, and my life is particularly willful. "

constant

The other side of will be stubborn. Teng Wei's impression of Dai Jinhua's "stubbornness" originated from a trivial matter. Many years ago, Dai Jinhua went to the United States to participate in the meeting. She watched the 2011 version of "Jane Love" in a theater in New York. She liked it very much and called Teng Wei's phone. She felt that it was the most loyal version of the original version of the original version.

"I said that there is anything good -looking, a Mary Su, and then I am very puzzled. I said that you are the earliest and most well -known feminist critics in China. What about the work? "Teng Wei said. She had a criticism of "Jane Love" in the mathematics community, and Dai Jinhua did not agree with it at all, saying that Teng Wei did not read the "Jane Love" at all, it was the theory first. They called for more than ten hours before and after, from the movie to the 19th century British literature, from the Sisters of Bronte to the historical fate of women, no one persuaded anyone, and finally talked about "Jane · Love · Love Reincarnation of Light and Shadow.

After more than 10 years, in the course of "Gender and Conduct", the 2011 version of "Jane Love" was included in the film list, and Dai Jinhua specifically mentioned the dispute with Teng Wei. The students laughed at a little girl living in her heart, and Dai Jinhua smiled and argued. "I live in a little girl in my heart. I am proud of this. In fact, every old woman has a little girl in her heart, but they are bored with them. , Press them. "

Those ways to treat the world since childhood have been accompanied by her entire life. "Dream of Red Mansions", "Capital", "War and Peace", "Communist Declaration" and "Weekly" are still her pillow books. Lin Daiyu's clear and innocence is eternal. Dai Jinhua's most often thinks about Lu Xun's phrase, "despair is virtual, and is the same as hope."

Hu Liangyu and Wang Yutong were Dai Jinhua's doctoral students who graduated last year and this year. Both young people felt that there were many labels around Dai Jinhua, but for her, the most cherished identity was always a teacher -just a teacher.

"Teacher Dai never plays the game of academic and academic circles. She does not pull gangs, does not participate in any projects, does not rely on any academic review committees to add aura to herself, nor does it rely on these things to monopolize any power. She She was not in the students who inserted herself by her. She didn't use these things to make him profit. "Hu Liangyu said.

Dai Jinhua was in class at Peking University.

In the early 1990s, she had a lot of TV shows and had the opportunity to get more hopes, but was recognized when eating at the restaurant. For a long time, she rarely appeared in the public media. A male friend reminds that you are as high as a certain starting point, and now he is constantly appreciating that you are constantly depreciating. Inside the college, there are many times. Fill in a few forms, signed a word. There are often friends who are angry, and the relationship is better. She simply said that she was stupid and stubborn. Whenever this time, Dai Jinhua is rational, "I really say that the price they paid for what they harvested is what I don't want to pay, and it can be said that I can't afford it. Because if I pay the price, mine, mine, my Life was also destroyed, my state was destroyed, I refused to pay the price. "

Teng Wei went to Guangzhou 20 years ago to teach in Guangzhou. Dai Jinhua told her, "Every stage of life, there will always be puppies to follow your heels behind and bite your heel. If you stop and fight, you will stay here. Continue to move towards Go forward, you can't see them soon. When you enter a new stage, of course, there will be a new group of puppies ... "She shared the two colleges' survival rules for Teng Wei. "To take it seriously," the second is "solve the title as soon as possible so that you can do your own valuable job."

She did the same. Get basic guarantees and then willful.

In recent years, many society invitations, celebrities, or movie platform activities, Dai Jinhua usually avoids it. But she is an inexplicable posture. One year was invited by Jia Zhangke to Pingyao. Everyone watched the movie together in the open air. As a result, he returned to Beijing's lung infection.

Wang Yutong sometimes thinks that Dai Jinhua is used to asking herself with an ideal personality, or she has become an ideal personality itself. During Wang Yutong's undergraduate, Dai Jinhua invited Dai Jinhua to share with Lou Ye's "Floating City Mystery", and Dai Jinhua said about it for more than two hours. If the answer is the easiest to invite Dai Jinhua, the answer is always, "a sincere student." A student who invited her many times answered "What should I bring to Teacher Dai": It is a group of people clusing her to the podium, and a group of people clustering her out. If necessary, help her stop her around Cross -just these.

Dai Jinhua had a friend who grew up almost from a young age. He asked her once, "Do you know you are very special?" Dai Jinhua joked with the other party, of course, knowing that he was very special.

The friend denied her answer, "He said that you don't know, because everyone was one when he was a child, and when he grew up, he completely turned into another. He said that only you have never changed."

It is a story that stops here is a long -hearted story, but Dai Jinwar has a pause and shakes the baggage: When she anger the friend, the expression becomes "you have to persist well. Nice, you are a paranoid. " Walking and paranoia requires paying a price. Looking back at his 40 years of academic roads, Dai Jinhua and "Character" talked about some of the loss in life, the space was lost, the scene was lost, his friends were losing, and even his memory was lost.

On that day, "Character" and her appointment in Yuanmingyuan, looked at the swan, and looked at the newly opened lotus. Looking at the wrinkles on the water, she said, I don't think it is worthy of what it is, this is just closer to a kind of life reality. "Isn't we losing every minute? I successfully forced myself to consider this (usual), accept and adapt to this loss. Probably that's it. "

Physical

Regarding Dai Jinhua's "constant", Sun Bai, the same session of Teng Wei, provided another perspective.

Around 2008, the two participated in the documentary screening of Japanese director Okagawa Menkeeper in Songzhuang. When watching the "Forest Forest" of the Student Movement of the Gaosaki University of Economics in 1967, Sun Bai was sitting next to Dai Jinhua. The military police used military sticks, fists, and water dragons to protest the students.

Sun Bai remembers that when those scenes appear on the screen, "Teacher Dai has a heavy breathing and his body starts to fluctuate."

As a former student and today's peers, Sun Bai is most envious of Mao Jinhua's point that "she always has a high degree of physicality." Sun Bai thinks that it is this "physical" that makes Dai Jinhua a very different scholar. " Most scholars and intellectuals have long lost their physicality, including myself, but Teacher Dai is different here. "

Sun Bai remembered that Dai Jinhua said that he was traumatic experience in the early 1990s. The entire society began to worship the money of money, and the comprehensive marketization caused the humanistic ideal to lose the passage. Crying out. "

Another time in Hong Kong, I watched a documentary about the Chilean fire. Dai Jinhua's memories of those female workers who caught the rest of her life, many female workers were burned with their limbs, her face was destroyed, and she instinctively avoided those horrible pictures. "But She thought that at that time, she had to open her eyes to take a look, and directly faced the scars left by this brutal reality to women and the bottom layer. "

In Sun Bai's opinion, this position that looks at social reality with his own body and life also determines Dai Jinhua's uncomfortable to some extent. "It is her social position. In her physical response, she has never been a first -class ideas, let alone the preset position. She does not arrive through rational thinking. Her body is completely immersed in such a reality, and she can be very fast and timely. To make a reaction. "

In 2007, Dai Jinhua provided a picture in an interviewee in Egypt

So she traveled around the world for almost half a year on the road, and she needs to "present" with her body. One year, she roam Paris and met a "sincere and unique" middle -aged woman. Later, her friend informed that it was one of the radicals of the French "May Storm" era. But Dai Jinhua is just a simple and ordinary woman, an ordinary middle school teacher.

Middle school teachers gave Dai Jinhua a one -day tour guide. They were not visiting Fengdan Bailu and other landscapes, but the streets of Paris. The other party told her that the streets and lanes of Paris more than 100 years ago were like that, very narrow, which made the romance of jumping windows in French novels and the victory of the street base war. However, after the Paris Commune was suppressed, the rulers transformed the entire Paris. The most thorough transformation was to broaden all streets and sweeping the space full of gunpowder and resistance into history.

The times are floating, resistance and forgetfulness alternate. Many people sang the freedom of freedom when the commercialization of commercialization, but Dai Jinhua told the "Character" that in the 1990s, he could not forget such a news report. A child of a northeast laid -off worker said in the store that he wanted to eat sausages, and he wanted to eat sausages. The money in the mother's pocket can only buy the cut section, and the store does not sell them. After returning home, the mother hanged the child and then committed suicide.

Such a tragedy forced Dai Jinhua to think about the price of Chinese society's progress. "Because you still want to have a good life, everyone should not get 18 yuan, everyone will get 80 yuan, all live a good life. Finally, you I found that someone didn't even have 1 yuan. "

Around 2000, Dai Jinhua, Wen Tiejun, Liu Jianzhi and other scholars walked out of the book and opened the third world inspections that lasted for several years. Their footprints are all over Brazil, Venezuela, Mexico, Peru, India, Kenya and other places. In the past 20 years, Wen Tiejun summarized "Characters", "Everyone has gone through a lot of different countries, visited different social groups, and came into contact with various people. In the end, we are now a relatively comparative system of ideas. This is the result of everyone's joint efforts. "

In the team, Wen Tiejun is the largest, Dai Jinhua is the youngest, and Wen Tiejun's impression of "Xiao Dai" is "very happy, go straight, and love and hate." Now remembering that it was a full and joyful journey. Wen Tiejun set the rules and end the inspection every day. No matter how late, everyone must communicate with each other on the day. These ideas collided later formed a series of academic achievements, which to a large extent, which affected these scholars and then looked at the world. After interviews many years later, Wen Tiejun talked about his own creed, giving a collective and ideal color answer, "the purpose of my generation is to build a human world." More than 20 years later, what was worried at the beginning and evolved into a global crisis today. Wen Tiejun believed that with Dai Jinhua's character, he would suffer a lot of suffering in his heart. As an economist, Wen Tiejun can use a series of data to prove the current crisis, but when it comes to supporting himself and Dai Jinhua's scholars' motivation for decades of intervention and attention, he answered very emotional. "I think I think I think It's just a kind of unbearable. The law you see is that heaven and earth are not benevolent and all things. After you see it, you can't bear it. But we can't reach that height. We are in the people. There is the mentality of the people who can't bear to be the people as a puppet. "

Until now, Dai Jinhua will still ask the pride of the heavens in the classroom. Under the scorching sun, can you recognize those workers who make a living at high temperatures? She always uses the word "recognition".

"What I was proud of my life was that I basically insisted on my initial (belief). I had never changed those most basic principles at first. I hate not equal, I hate discrimination and prejudice. I may fight against this kind of thing and insist on practicing equality. I haven't changed it. "

In 2006, Dai Jinhua was in Mali in West Africa. Interviewee confidence

"Uncertain" for a lifetime

Corresponding to this expression of expression is a characteristic that Dai Jinhua is often ignored by the outside world -she is often lingering.

From the perspective of Wang Yan, a professor at the Institute of Foreign Literature of Beijing University of Foreign Languages ​​University, this hover constitutes the background of Dai Jinhua. "She is not a person who has been controlled by ideas. She believes in experience. There are many scholars. A certain kind of doctrine is right, he will give up everything to defendism. "Wang Yan realized that once any doctrine falls into practice, it will collide with reality," it will become a variety of strange strange strangeness Things, it will have a variety of deformations, all kinds of absurdity. "

There were countless shelves with Dai Jinhua. Wang Yan felt that Dai Jinhua was more convinced in nature. "Teacher Dai is a self. She believes that the most belongs to her own, which is true. I like Dai Jinhua as a real person Dai Jinhua. She There is a true nature there. "

The earliest observing Dai Jinhua's wandering was her teacher Hong Zicheng. In the initial memory of Hong Zicheng, his student "such a mouth is suspended, the heavens and the ground knows everything, and the cigarettes are one after another ..." Then she was strong. The style of text, "decisive and confident, sharp, determined, aggressive." But with the deepening of reading, Hong Zicheng found that "in her theory, coexisting with" certainty ", and some kind of" self -countermeasure "Factors, some uncertain, self -restricted, and weakening the strength."

In Hong Zicheng's opinion, "Dai's long and difficult sentence" is exactly the result of this self -countermeasure. Because it is uncertain, there are many entanglement and many departures, so many limited words are subconsciously added in their own expressions. Hong Zicheng then summarizes Dai Jinhua Life and academic attitude are "looking for" position "in uncertainty.

Along this uncertainty, Hong Zicheng realized the fact that Dai Jinhua could not be classified. "Which faction Dai Jinhua belongs to? She does not seem to explain publicly. Liberalism? Classical liberalism? New left? After going to a certain category, it is always impossible to receive. "

In a sense, this may be Dai Jinhua's own choice.

In 2015, Dai Jinhua participated in the Chinese Film Media Awards Awards Ceremony

For a long time, the Cold War was an important coordinate that she constructed her own words. The Cold War thinking emphasized binary opposition. It was not this, but she often mentioned the "third", the third world, and the third choice. For her individual life, "Third" still has important significance. She always said that you can't determine your position based on your opponent -don't confirm yourself, don't defend, but to establish.

An obvious example is that as the earliest scholars who introduced feminism research into domestic scholars, in recent years, the public opinion has always been noisy due to gender issues, but Dai Jinhua intentionally lowered his voice.

Hu Liangyu's observation is that the reflection of the spirit of reflection that is almost internalized into Dai Jinhua, "So she will be vigilant, to some extent, this is actually the most simple reflection of Marxist feminists. It should be just a female issue. It should be a greater social change and class issues. "

So she did not stand in a team, but asked: After a long resistance, only gender issues only reached the result?

"All resistance must be constructive. Otherwise, when the enemy’s injustice is slightly weakened, your justice will collapse and lose. You must first construct your own justice, that is, that is, that is, that is, that is, your own justice, that is, that is, that is, your own justice, that is, that is, that is, your own justice, that is, that is, that is, your own justice, that is, that is, that is, your own justice, which is also Said that you must share with people what you want, not what you don't want. "Before the Internet war, she was cautious. She always had no social media account. Even in the previous BBS era and blog age, she insisted on Do not touch the net. Until now, she did not have the courage to look at the barrage B, because she was afraid of "irrational maliciousness." A long time ago, she told students not to be caught in any argument, "because once you enter the argument, you will extreme your position."

However, she will still be controversial due to the screenshots of a public class in 2016 -a few minutes in the dozens of lessons, intercepted into subtitles -a typical online era communication method, which is one of the words that cause waves.

Hu Liangyu felt that in recent years, Dai Jinhua's heart often trapped in a twist. Sometimes, she will feel that it is necessary to speak as a scholar; at other times, she will reflect on itself, whether it is too much. In Hu Liangyu's opinion, this is not only the tangling of Dai Jinhua himself, but also the common real situation of contemporary intellectuals. "It is difficult for intellectuals to find a particularly decent, or a 100 % decent way to enter this society."

In the 1980s, she had a passionate passion. "We don't care about us regardless of politics or politics." But she gradually discovered that she could not make a wall view, so she kept running away, searched, and spoke constantly. What is the number of calls and what the early warning points.

Dai Jinhua's description of the time to visit the third world is that she hopes to make herself feel at ease, and she also hopes to find the original hometown of the spirit outside of the globalization. But "I didn't find it, what is the original hometown?" But these journeys really have an international perspective. In 2006, she gathered the bulletin and letter of the leader and deputy commander of the Mexican Sapata Movement into the book "Masked Knight". The book mentioned a story that Marcos told, and she was repeatedly quoted.

"In the past, there was a very poor farmer couple. They had been poor to their families and had nothing. All of them had a thin chicken, a jujube and a jujube red horse. When they were forced by hunger, they killed that one Slim chicken, cooked a pot of thin soup, temporarily calmed down hunger. But soon hunger came again. They killed the pig again and stewed a pot of meat. Death threat. "

When the story was written here, it was the turn of the red horse, but Macos said, "The red horse does not want to wait until the end of the story, the jujube red horse escapes, and it escapes to another story."

For Dai Jinhua, this question is the core she is looking for: Where is the possibility of the future? Can we still find a new story?

Connect to people

At Peking University, Dai Jinhua's office is on the second floor of the small building of the Chinese Department. In addition to several rooms with Chinese red doors, you can easily identify which one is her: there is a simple masonry pad at the door, and a cat doll in the window. There are grass flowers inserted by bottle. In this small office, even the sofa is almost filled. She has countless gadgets, tea, coffee, and cat dolls, tapes, books, canvas bags caused by students from all over the world because of cat love cats. Half an hour before going to bed, like many people who want to relax, she opened Taobao and bought some useless and cheap small things. Once, she wanted to buy a small pottery vase used on the table. She didn't look at the size. As a result, the things were sent. It was a huge rough pottery pot. She had to buy a tall reed to match it. In the early years, when there was a wholesale market in Beijing, the small product market was where she often visited. During the party, the prizes of the game were distributed.

She has many useless hobbies, buy essential oils, wear bracelets, and even create silver jewelry. There is a cork board hanging on the wall next to the desk, and the printed photos were printed on the wooden board: a lot of Zhangche Guevara. She claims to know the Chinese world who knows the most about Cut Guevara. Sometimes, when she talks about Cher, her tone and expression are like a girl who describes her in her heart. At one point, she customized a mobile phone case with cut photos. As a scholar, Che Guevara and her representative of the 1960s have always been her important visiting objects and ideological resources; as a woman, she likes to live a vigorous and trivial taste.

Dai Jinhua in the office

For many years, in addition to taking big classes, Dai Jinhua will also organize their own students to open a "cultural research workshop". The workshop in the second half of 2018 is held in a conference room on the underground floor of the Chinese Department. 3 points. Enter the conference room to pass two nearly 20 cm thick doors, so here has the temperament of the air -raid hole. There are windows in the conference room, but it is not opened. It is black outside. People are in isolation of everything on the ground. Dai Jinhua always arrived in advance, sat next to the table in front, and took out the insulation cup. She has various insulation cups of colors. She sat there, smiling, watching the students present gradually lined up next to the two -row red table. According to the process, a classmate first reported on a certain issue and a book. Other classmates discussed it. Dai Jinhua joined it at any time and made a comment at the end.

In this conference room, she talked with the students about the African blessing video on the short video platform, talking about Yanmei novels, artificial intelligence, and also about Foucault, Deleuze and Judy Bartler. Doctoral discussions often enter the theoretical depths, and Dai Jinhua always pulls the discussion back to reality, back to the broad world on the ground. It was a roaming without borders. She mentioned the distant country in North America, Latin America, and Africa, and also talked about the basement in the Beijing community. The theory is an academic tool, but she is vigilant to directly practice theory and go to frame the reality of today. According to the setting of the schedule, the workshop should end at 6 o'clock, but when it comes to the rise, Dai Jinhua will forget the time.

During the PhD, Hu Liangyu cherished the workshop most. Some personnel are fixed -Dai Jinhua's students, and some are flowing. This is also the tradition of the workshop. Since 1993, in the 30 years, not only the North University students, the media circle, the cultural circle, or the people who are not famous. Full of all kinds of idlers and social people, such a door was closed in September 2020, and the epidemic came. "The epidemic came."

At the beginning of the epidemic, Dai Jinhua had a great temper with the students. It was an online class that had "had to take". Many students chose to close the camera to listen to the class. I was facing a row of electrical tombstones. People always feel that the development of new technologies will make life easier, but for Dai Jinhua, online classes are more tiring. She finds that she always wants to pass through the screen and reach the other end of the screen.

She cherishes the physical encounter between people, just like she insisted that she did not watch a movie without going to the cinema, because people gathered in the same space and let the light beam come behind. The film should have the meaning of this art form.

A story that can echo it is that Teng Wei has always remembered that on December 31, 1998, there should be ancient literary lessons, but the classmates will discuss with the teacher at the 24th class. Who will come to class, everyone will go New Year's Eve. "

The teacher agreed to them that if the snow was snowed on the 31st, it would not be class. The snow was really snowing that day. "There is a tacit understanding. No one goes to class. The last day of the joy was sent to the last day. Romance and casualness may be unconventional, but it is our unforgettable college time. "

However, this kind of gap, together with the mighty connections between teachers and students, has become a historical trace during the gradual establishment of rules and order. Today's university campus, everything is very regular. When I have to enter the classroom, I have to see everyone in the camera. Whether the teacher does PPT, is PPT standard? "Each step in all our teaching processes is strictly adhered to the provisions of various teaching documents. What can this be taught?"

Many young Wang Yutong observed a kind of attentiveness around him. Whenever he entered the school in recent years, his younger brother and sister found her. The general opening is "he will ask you as soon as he comes up. How can I brush the performance? "

Wang Yutong felt that Dai Jinhua's biggest pain was that the turmoil of the world and the impact of the epidemic situation, "Everyone lived a life that was unimaginable."

Earlier, they thought the world was not like this. Teng Wei missed the days of traveling with Dai Jinhua. In the past 20 years, he participated in academic conferences, film forums, or left without any purpose. What is needed, Dai Jinhua must have it.

In 2013, Tengwei visited Harvard to study. At that time, she took the child together and had a mess every day. During this period, Dai Jinhua wanted to attend a meeting in California. Look at the two of us? "

California flys to Boston to cross more than half of the United States. Teng Wei is only a habitual coquettishness. As a result, Dai Jinhua really bought a ticket to Boston. At that time, Atwood had a speech in Harvard. , Mixed in the middle of everyone listened to the speech.

At that time, they believed that everything was possible.

In May 2008, Dai Jinhua participated in the Women's Film Festival in Cologne

"I have loved, thought, and action"

At the age of 50, Dai Jinhua realized his "luck".

Speaking of that year, she appeared "a sense of irrational and unable to explain it." This suddenly brought her a lot of liberation. " The experienced and painfulness of the injury and pain of personal life suddenly disappeared. "

That year, she formed a consciousness, and later discussed with many friends of the same age. Everyone had a consistent opinion. "I think we are a rare and lucky generation in modern history. Because we are all born in scarce, turbulent, turbulent In the age, when we grew up and we began to enter -when we exaggerated -when we created, when we put our energy into social things, we caught up with a golden age. "She has a very deep For gratitude, she mentioned the story of a female poet written in "People · Years · Life". When the female poet died at the age of 19, when Ellenberg read the history of literature, she wrote her in the book and lived. I am 19 years old, so she has nothing to write.

Ellenburg retorted, "A girl was 19 years old. She had loved, hated, gave birth, died, and created. This is a great story."

When Dai Jinhua was 50 years old, he had deeply resonated with this story. "I can say to myself, I have loved, hated, thought, act, and wrote. Unfortunately, there is no kind of regret in my life, and I don't want time to come back. "

In this gratitude and relief, Dai Jinhua came to his 60 -year -old.

Following her many labels, Hu Liangyu felt that Dai Jinhua was a consistent criticism and self -criticism. The two talked about Li Cangdong's movie "Mint Sugar". The protagonist was a soldier who participated in the suppression of the Guangzhou incident. He was not only a victim of an era, but also a victim. Dai Jinhua believes that Li Cangdong shows a particularly valuable gesture. "He will also imagine himself as or actively recognizing this result. Not only saying, okay, these are blame you, I have no problems at all."

In recent years, with the discussion of a series of phenomena such as the younger generation of Buddha, lying flat, and inner rolls, they accused young people of becoming a popularity. "She will not blame young people in particular or cheaply to make this era. All the problems are attributed to young people. She never chooses herself. "

After experiencing the early New Year, she recently accelerated the rhythm of work, like running with time.

The aging and death itself is not a problem. Dai Jinhua talked to her view of life and death with "Character". "I always feel death. At my age, death is already a gift. question."

She read a suicide note of a young girl a few years ago. The word inside was, "Who can give me a reason to survive?"

This remains made her feel a strong pain. To some extent, this also supported her constantly saying that she once again mentioned the phrase "I don't accept it", "I want to share this disapproval with you, you want you to have it. If you want to hold this breath, if you can order a light in a sigh of breath, you have to not be able to accept something later, what you love and what you believe in. "

In the mid -1990s, she talked about this topic with some friends of liver and gallbladder at the time: What is the sacred thing for you? Some people say that it is class. Some people say that it is democracy. She thought for a long time, and the answer to the last was "respecting life." "This is the true connotation of equality for me, or the most simple equality. Each life has the right to survive and has the right to live well. Surgery. "

Nearly 30 years have passed, and she found that she still has not stepped out of this answer.

That afternoon in Yuanmingyuan, the sun was fierce and the water was peaceful. Dai Jinhua wasn't very happy that day. She felt that the media had endless problems. She also gave her a "setting situation", but after a while, it was precisely. Extension. From the pond to the lake island, she chased the shadow of the swan.

The endless problem is finally over. Dai Jinhua took out her mobile phone and showed her little swan. Time retreats to May, the little guys are just a few soft small hair balls, and they grew up again in the next time, and slowly have a swan. Looking at these photos, her face showed rare tenderness recently, "this spring has not been vain."

Twilight waved from the water, and there were fewer tourists in the Yuanmingyuan, and the street lights gradually turned on. We go out together.

"Pessimism and optimism are just as false. When you realize this, you can choose, and you will not think that the so -called pessimism is a true attitude, and optimism is a positive and ideal attitude. This is not established at all. Because the despair itself ignores things, maybe it is where you can place hope. If someone always wants to survive, you will realize that the important thing is not pessimistic and optimistic. What is the important thing? Work with you. "

During that time, she was preparing lessons for "50 Chinese Films". One night, she watched Hou Xiaoxian's "City of Sadness" again.

During his life, Dai Jinhua has a harsh principle of herself. As a film researcher, she always tries to keep a distance with the creator. Hou Xiaoxian is an exception. Every time he goes to Taiwan, a large group of friends must arrange karaoke once. It's moving, Hou Dao sang the song of the Minnan dialect, soft and dying. "

Many of the fragments shining in life and the feelings of repeating the "City of Sadness" formed interoperability.After the Chinese Qing Dynasty came out of prison, they sent a testament to their friends. Hou Xiaoxian gave a thief of a testament, and then the singing of Minnan sounded, and the tune was sorrowful and clever.After that, Hou Xiaoxian switched the camera. The small Shanghai restaurant was all old. The kitchen was still cooking. The family was still eating. Life was still continuing. The living people continued to live.Looking at this time, Dai Jinhua felt that there was Hou Xiaoxian's thorough understanding of life in this set of shots. "You talk about history, our family has happened, my sky collapsed, and the earth was trapped, but others’s chai oil and salt, others' chickens and dogs were broken. They could only continue to continue. The world does not change because of what happened. "

Hou Xiaoxian likes the vision and long shots, and in the vast and vast "City of Sadness", this suicide note is one of the not many close -ups.The testament is written, "You have to work dignified."

Thanks to Li Xuejun, Chen Xuan, Lin Songguo for their help to this article

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