Night Reading ｜ People who have no border, why is it uncomfortable

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Whether in life or in the workplace, whether it is affection or friendship, we have encountered more or less people with weak "borders": they are familiar with you, so they just take your things without inquiring; very " Care "you, and use your care name to point your life with your life; manage your negative emotions well, always give you a good mind ... In modern life, if there is no sense of boundary, even if it is love Become negative things. How to maintain the relationship between people's relationships is a very important subject.

Some uncomfortable borderless behaviors

01 I wrote a manuscript at the airport before, and the people sitting next to me kept watching. I kept writing her to watch, and then asked Dong asked, "What do you write?" "Is it a writer?" "Can you make money?" I will not write it later ...@之 会 之

02 I am the editor of the magazine agency. This identity seems to make some of my relatives feel that writing, changing, and press releases are a small thing for me, so there is often the following behavior: an uncle's son wants to participate In the essay competition, I asked me to "help to see"; the daughter of a aunt wrote a prose and asked me if I could send it to the magazine; even my dad would send me his colleagues' bidding draft and asked me " "The color is moisturizing" ... once or twice, it is really impossible to stand it. @过

03 After my friend was in love, she kept crying with me. It lasted for more than a month before and after, and sometimes received a call from her in the early morning. In fact, I know that she will share me as a very close person, and she will share it with me, but for a long time, I have to accept her negative emotions, and I have to respond to this proper reaction. I really feel a little tired and stressed. Sometimes I feel bad, or I have other things to deal with at that time, but because I consider her fragile mood, I will choose to press my emotions and listen to her. But I think that these pressures may erupt in the future, becoming the fuse of our relationship. In short, I hope to have a proper degree. @

When I went home last year, my relatives had a meal. When I was chatting, I said casually to work in Beijing. A elder who is not too familiar has listened to my WeChat. Since then, I have always told me that she thinks I should go home to work, and forward the recruitment information of various hometown, and tell me about living in my hometown. Benefits and convenience, there will be various examples of who is very detailed. She seemed to have a "sense of responsibility" to my life. She couldn't stand me "suffering" outside. She must make me live a correct life. Later, I was a bit annoying, telling her directly that I feel good, let her not worry. As a result, it was a bit unpleasant, alas. @

When I was in college, my roommate and I were very good friends. Both of us liked to make up. Cosmetics bought a bunch of them. Once I packed things, I turned out a lot of gadgets that could not be used, all of which I used to use it once or twice. I just packed up and asked her from time to time: Do you want this? Do you want this? As a result, when she was N times, she suddenly said to me a little angrily: Don't ask me anymore, I am not rating. I froze all at once, and then suddenly realized my problem: Although my original intention was good, I felt that the other party might be able to come in handy. But this kind of good intention is too much, too scribbled, and too much. Because from the perspective of unaware of each other, those things that may be "throwing a pity to turn their heads to give people". If it is me, I will definitely feel offended. I should at least explain the situation in advance and ask each other's opinions. It was actually a very small thing, and then it did not affect our feelings at all, but that thing gave me a lesson, that is, the close friend, the relationship between the iron, and the gentle distance. This distance is politeness, respect, and the most decent ingredient in the relationship. @姓

Some people who feel good are a sense of measurement

01 My roommates are very sophisticated, because I have not returned to school yet, they are in the bedroom. Once they wanted to use the sesame oil I did not remove, I also asked me deliberately and said to us. I didn't ask for money in the end, but I felt that it was really good to ask. @

02 When buying things, I will not follow me to recommend it to me; when I cut my hair, I will not chat with me forcibly and ask my hometown to do my hometown. Before playing the video, I will make a message first. Convenient; in public, listening to music or watching videos will wear headphones; it will not mention the requirements of the relationship that exceeds the relationship, but one party hinders the request to refuse to refuse ... These are the behaviors that I think there is a sense of measurement. Maybe, the so -called sense of size can also be said to be a kind of education that knows how to take care of others. @

03 Many times, the border is particularly easy to ignore between the family and the lover. For example, parents may say "I don't knock on the door", and the other half may say "what happened to the mobile phone between husband and wife." But in fact, the relationship is intimate, it also needs space. My target was done well. Once, I was particularly bad. He asked me what happened. I said it was annoying and didn't want to say. He really didn't ask or angry. After a period of time, he suddenly asked me: You were in a bad mood before, is there anything wrong, are you willing to say now? That is, when you do n’t want to say, you completely respect and give space, but you wo n’t really care about it. I ’m always remembering your business. @ @04 I think helping others also need to pass the opponent's consent, and it is best to do it according to the needs of the other party. "Can't see others suffering" is a kind of kindness, but don't just add your "help complex" to others. If others don't want you to know his suffering? What if others want to protect their self -esteem and secrets? What if others don't want to "be taught"? In this case, it may be a cruelty for the other person to break through and excessive enthusiasm. After they take the initiative, find a way to help. I think there is a sentence for friends who are not very familiar. I don't ask the story of others, unless he is willing. @Don't run

Modern people pay more and more attention to personal space and social distance, and to some extent, it highlights the importance of boundaries. A person with a sense of sewage and boundaries will know how to think in other places, and also know how to refuse appropriately. He can respect others and protect himself. "Not exploring privacy, improper exposure, not strong people; understanding methods, seeing the timing, leaving room, and avoiding it."

But the sense of sequence and boundary is not to build a high wall between people, heart and heart, becoming indifferent and selfish, losing the true nature of friendship; Instead, I hope you can consider the feelings of the other party more, so that the relationship between you is a little more air, and you can breathe more smoothly.

May we all protect the joy and sorrow of the personal small world, but also accept the true feelings of love, being loved, and needed.

Make a draft@and the majority of netizens, do you want to show your literary talent? Come here now! The night reading column opened by the "Henan Legal System" WeChat public account will be your stage. Content: Inspirational stories of excitement, sincere and moving emotional stories, deep insights in life ... Requirements: Words 800-2000 words should be sent in Word format in Word format, and the author's personal information and contact information are attached. Submission method: Through the mailbox [email protected], indicate "night reading submission".

Source: CCTV News

Edit: Yang Shufang

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