[High -end original poetry platform] Yunfan Poetry Club 528 Better Evaluation

In front

One of the poems, there is no way to learn, and there is no way to learn. Scholars, the stones of other mountains can attack jade; The ancients of the ancients were "like a discussion, such as thinking like a grind", so that the gentleman's demeanor is even more extended to be a good learning spirit. Today Yunfan's setting up this column is a place for our exchanges, a place for identification, and a platform for progress.

Yunfan Reading Weitang

In this issue, Yunfan Poetry Jian · The time of the time for the submission of critics

Chant

Song Caixia

Tian Tian must not be deceived, and there is no youth debt.

I use my life to set off the world.

[Duan Wei's comment] Three or four sentences use cross grid and new poem language, which is quite fresh. "Come to open the world" is a good sentence even in the new poem. The combination logic of the first sentence "Tian Tian" and "not to bully" is a bit puzzled.

preference

Shi Wansheng

Don't give up the south road of the city, look at the flowers alone.

There is no other chrysanthemum, because it is close to Jun's house.

[Duan Wei's comment] One or two sentences selling well, three or four sentences directly answered but it is not straightforward. The key is that "because it is the Junjun family" gives people an imaginative room.

Wen Yier flew from the United States to Singapore

Li Rongcong

On the first floor of Tianlu, the lonely flying star is like ice.

Outside the portholes in China, there was a lamp in the mountains.

[Duan Wei's comment] A big scene in one or two sentences with "wide -angle", pulling the lens to "close -up" in three or four sentences - "There is a light in the mountains of the clouds". There are both charm, which is particularly moving!

Unnamed

Wang Ping

Xiao Hui is born in the mountains, and the fragrance is not close to dust.

Wintering during Liuquan, making the spring.

[Bao Pu Shusheng's comment] "Wakes when Liuquan, and make a border spring" turned natural, the word "bang" is not arguing, and the moisturizes is silent.

preference

Shi Wansheng

Don't give up the south road of the city, look at the flowers alone.

There is no other chrysanthemum, because it is close to Jun's house.

[Bao Pu Shusheng Comments] The whole poetry of "because of the close to the king's family".

See the rainbow after the rain on the evening of June 5

Wang Congying

Whoever rushed the long bow towards Tianyu and turned over to the sky.

Borrowing the infinite power of the earth, shooting the dragon and shooting tiger calmly.

[Bao Pu Shusheng Comments] Good metaphor! Two sentences naturally exerted their strength and calmly.

Single -arm picking mountain worker

Jiang Changdian

Children with a shoulder half -shoulder wind, sweat and clothes are not empty.

Stepping on Taishan at the foot, just for the lack of lives.

[Bao Pu Shusheng's comment] The sentence is good, but since "dreams are not empty", why can you "just do not fight for the livelihood"? The scholar is dull.

Rural revitalization pairing assistance

Tian Ruibao

Crossing a few beams in the deep mountains, the spring breeze is crowded with bamboo baskets.

The vines and vines in front of the room are quietly supporting the wall.

[Park Park Boosheng Comments] The whole capital was not written "help" but the whole capital was "assistance", especially the two metaphors, which means that it is quite capable of chanting.

Chant

Song Caixia

Tian Tian must not be deceived, and there is no youth debt.

I use my life to set off the world.

[Zhang Ming's new comment] New poem technique. "Come to open the world", novel police. The word is less affectionate. The lotus is the person, the person is the lotus, I forget the two things.

preference

Shi Wansheng

Don't give up the south road of the city, look at the flowers alone.

There is no other chrysanthemum, because it is close to Jun's house.

[Zhang Mingxin comment] Love is also infatuated, and poems are also good. Seeing the chrysanthemum is false, the close king is true. Friendship and love, most of the lovers. If you have the questions yourself, answer your own questions, don't conceal others, and another idiot.

Diagram

Yang Ziyi

The trend is lying flat, and the smoke gun has been changed by the mobile phone.

The century -old posture is still difficult to change, and Mo Huaimin is indignant.

[Zhang Mingxin Review] Contact the cigarette gun with a mobile phone and be regarded as a trend. I really admire the author's sensitivity and superhuman imagination. It looks funny, but poke to the pain of the current society, and it is inexplicable to read. Although it is a family's words, it reads the author's sense of worry and feelings of the family, deafening, and thoughtful.

Wen Yier flew from the United States to Singapore

Li Rongcong

On the first floor of Tianlu, the lonely flying star is like ice.

Outside the portholes in China, there was a lamp in the mountains.

[Zhang Mingxin Review] Reading this poem seemed to watch a short video, the plane flew across the night sky in China, and the son looked down. The father looked up at Bashan, a light in the sky, a light on the ground, the picture was hazy and clear, the scene was warm and warm, and the scene was blended. The poetic flavor is strong. With a good way of affection, you can make this masterpiece.

Night village

Horizontal

The breeze is full of beans, and the green cage is clear.

Whoever brings a pot of water on the bank, want to marry the new moon home.

[Zhang Mingxin Review] The highlight is to marry words. In the ancient times, Li He married the spring breeze. Today, Mr. Hengdaozi marries a new moon. It can be seen that in the refining words, people today will not let the ancients.

Reward and Yin Yin

Zhou Shizhi

Early fog like a yarn, and the lotus shore of the lotus.

Dragonfly squares, and open several flowers.

[Zheng Li Comments] This song is clever and not lost, and there is still room for improvement in the first two sentences. In addition, the popular wind of the poetic scene today is very tired of seeing it.

Early summer

Hongyan

Seeing the small lotus pond, the sound of frogs wandered around the water.

Two or three tadpoles have no green code, and quickly report the itinerary.

[Zheng Li Comments] The language is lively and ironic.

Script

Ye Yongxin

Kunlun Peak cut off the ocean, who even climbed Zhen Zhen.

Q also painted the round, Zhao Yuan's white eyes were suffering.

Who is the five thousands of years, and there are still slaves in three hundred years.

Taixun Liang Gong's dreams, Gan Yun's pride and time.

[Zheng Li Comments] Q has a wonderful effect in the poems. The whole chapter is unique and deep. Moonlight

Zhang Mingxin

The head is covered with water, and a frost in front of the order.

The clothes are not wet, and the sweet -scented osmanthus fragrance.

[Su Jun comment] Poetry can paint its shape, and even take the god. If it flows in the text and has no deeper implication, Yuan Suiyuan will be ashamed of Yang Chengzhai. This poem is moonlight, but there is a shape, while God has not reached.

Summer leisure

Qian Zhizhong (Power · United States)

The rain was trapped in Jiangnan for a long time, and it was sunny now.

Wen Chan has three or two, and there are new sounds.

[Su Jun comment] Although the words are light and close, there is still a sustenance.

preference

Shi Wansheng

Don't give up the south road of the city, look at the flowers alone.

There is no other chrysanthemum, because it is close to Jun's house.

[Su Jun comment] Yong Shuyun: The drunkard's meaning is not in wine. This "Shi Gong's implication is not the same, and it can be described as good scholars.

Mountains Honesty Dream and Tang Xian's sentences

Xiongdong

Different personnel, Zhang Jiuling

Heart is free from Guangchuan. Kingco

Mingyue Matsumi Zhao, Wang Cap

Better in your youth dream. Xiongdong

Occasionally, the bird, the bear Dongbu

Fortunately, it does not hinder Yunshan. Du Shaoling

Mao Shu Xing Xiang, Du Shaoling

Return and retreat. Zhang Jiuling

Note: Tang Xian's Poems: Zhang Jiuling's "Lin Ting's Fables", Wang Wei's "Deng Hebei City Tower", "Mountains and Autumn", Du Fu's "Mao Tang Inspection School Collection Two of Rice", "Star Wing in the Three of the Institute", Zhang Jiuling "Removal of the Garden of the Garden to see Yi".

[Su Jun Comments] The most difficult for Ji Jun, not to mention that the battle must be stable and the intention must be high. This work sends the ancients in the palm of the palm, and the height of the King of the King. The hard work and loneliness have become difficult, and the income from the dream is amazing.

Zhang Mingxin profile

Zhang Mingxin, from Qihe County, Shandong Province. Member of Chinese Poetry Society, Shandong Poetry Society, Beijing Poetry Society. The two sessions of Chinese poems, Chinese poetry poems, and second poetry Chinese first prize winners of the Foot Rong Cup, Chinese Poetry Magazine. The Poetry Federation won the "Hundred Poems and Hundred Federation" award hosted by the Chinese Federation of Literature and Culture and the Ministry of Culture.

Brief Introduction to Bao Pu Sheng

Gao Shichun, who is a scholar in Hao Park, Yunfan Poetry will consult.

Duan Weijian

Duan Wei, born in 1964, was born in Yingshan, Hubei, a doctor of law. Professor of Huazhong Normal University, also served as an executive director of the Chinese Poetry Society, president of the Chinese Poetry Society of Hubei Province, and editor -in -chief of the "Hearts Poetry" comment.

Introduction to Su Jun

Su Jun, No. Shi Zhai, Cantonese. He is currently the director of the review department of the Ninth Cultural Research Institute and the mentor of the New News Agency. Poetry and poetry have won more than a thousand national awards. He has been the judge of the final trial of the National Poetry Contest. There are many books such as "Shiti Zhaibu and Gong Dingji's Miscellaneous Poems", "Stone Tu Gengzi Ci", and "Eighteen Songs of Songs".

Introduction to Zheng Li

Zheng Li, born in Xingtai City, Hebei Province in 1976. He is currently a member of the Hebei Writers Association, a consultant of Xingtai Literary Critics Association, the president of Chengshe, and the president of Xing Yaxi. The executive deputy editor -in -chief of the New Poetry View, has won the first prize of the "Contemporary Poetry" annual masterpiece, the first prize of the "Yongchao Lake Stakua Contest", the second place in the Haiyue Cup traditional poetry contest, and the first international poetry and wine culture conference "Poetry Fragrance" Cultural Silver Awards and other prizes are the judges of the 5th Global Chinese University Student Short Poetry Contest.

- END -