For the rest of your life, be comfortable with people who get along with

The Carnegie Institute of Technology has analyzed the growth record of 10,000 people and found:

85%of a person's career success depends on personality factors.

What is even more surprising is that 90%of those who fail in life are not technical or capable, but because they are not good at interaction with others.

It can be seen that the quality of interpersonal communication greatly affects the quality of life of a person.

Sometimes, we breed thousands of troubles due to bad relationships; sometimes, we will also gain endless joy in a comfortable circle of friends.

As you get older, the more you experience, the key to getting along with people is comfortable. The key lies in these 9 words: understanding, good replacement, and advancement.

Picture source: panorama vision

Understand the proportion

There is such a topic on Zhihu: "What kind of friends are most worthy of deepening in life?"

A praise replied, saying, "I have a sense of sense and will think about the problem from your perspective."

Indeed, getting along with such reliable people is always at ease.

In the first episode of "Thirteen Invitations", Xu Zhiyuan conveyed Hao Lei.

In the meantime, when Hao Lei talked about his native family, he mentioned all kinds of grievances and choked several times.

Subsequently, Xu Zhiyuan's unsatisfactory consolation made Hao Lei unload all defenses.

She said to Xu Zhiyuan when she was out of control, "I won't say something, I will not say that others ask me, but really, you just ask me today."

As the host of the show, if Xu Zhiyuan took the opportunity to ask at this time, it was very likely to dig out more programming points and greatly improve the effectiveness of the ratings.

However, Xu Zhiyuan did not do this, but just terminated the conversation in a sentence "We chat in private".

As a writer said, "Don't ask for the past, that may be a memory he never wants to touch."

Xu Zhiyuan knew that the native family was an indelible scar in Hao Lei's heart.

If she ignores the other person's privacy for a moment, and even use her "scar" as the highlight of the show, Hao Lei will be embarrassed afterwards.

At this time, it is a wise choice.

As said in "The Golden Mean": "A gentleman is in the position, unwilling."

People who truly high emotional quotient will not only decide what they should do according to their positions, but also know how they are in their positions.

In the face of different people and scenes, what to do and what should not be done is the test of a person's "sense of size" in communication.

Based on this, some netizens summarized the three bottom lines that they must keep on to people in any occasion:

Do not poke the embarrassment of others; do not expose the shorts of others; do not touch the scars of others.

No matter how good the relationship is, there is no boundaries and losing a sense of size. It will only push the other party farther and farther.

Only when walking and walking: What really made people really make people not tire for, in addition to knowing everything, there are also words of words, and there is something to do.

Picture source: panorama vision

Be good

I have read a story.

In the farm, pigs, sheep, and cows were locked together.

One day, the farmer came in to catch the pig away, and the pig was frightened to resist.

The sheep and cows were impatient and said, "As for? We are often caught, and we are not shouting like you."

The pig responded: "Catching you is just squeezing milk, cutting wool, and catching me, but it is my life!"

The online writer's canoe said: "There is no feeling in the world, and I can't know how painful it is on myself."

Different positions in life and differences in cognition will make people have a completely different response to the same thing.

If we stay in our own perspective, we cannot see the whole picture of things, and it is difficult to truly understand the situation and feelings of others.

But people, people, heart and heart are always mutual. If you want to obtain a long -term relationship, you must know how to think in other places.

Peng Jianfeng, a professor at Renmin University of China, when he talked about Ren Zhengfei, he shared such a thing:

Once, Ren Zhengfei went to Beijing for a business trip. At noon, he ate at the hotel and restaurant at noon.

As you have to meet customers in the afternoon, the meal time is very nervous.

Unfortunately, the receiving restaurant service staff is a new post -90s, the business is not familiar, and the speed of serving and the quality of service are very average.

At the checkout, a boss complained to the hotel manager to the waiter, and the waiter was scared to cry on the spot after hearing it.

When Ren Zhengfei saw this, he said to the boss who complained: "Don't be so fierce to the waiter. They are so young and running to Beijing to work. It is not easy to treat them."

Said, and went to comfort the service staff.

In the incident, the boss's behavior is not the epitome of many people in life:

You are a customer and think that the merchant is profitable; you are a merchant and feel that customers are picky.

You are the boss and hope that the employee is diligent; you are a employee, I hope the boss is loose.

You are a teacher, longing for students to be well -behaved; you are a student, longing for the teacher's kindness ...

After all, no one is wrong.

But just like the same two leaves in the world, there will be no exactly the same two people.

The situation of each other is different, and the mood will be different.

Many times, we cannot use "right and wrong or wrong" to measure each other's behavior, but we can choose to use a push to respect and tolerate the differences between the two parties, understand and understand each other's fault.

In this way, we can make the relationship strong in the same deposit difference.

Picture source: panorama vision

Know and retreat

Experts from research on geography have pointed out that if the distance between the sun and the earth is closer to 1%, the earth will become "Flame Mountain"; if you stay away from 3%, the earth will become "Guanghan Palace". The distance between the earth and the sun is not far away. It is just right that the earth can bred countless lives.

Therefore, it is not "distance to produce beauty", but "proper distance generates beauty".

There must be a certain social distance between people and people.

Sometimes it is too close, but the things must be reversed, making the two sides feel suspicious and alienated.

Just like the fat sister -in -law in the TV series "Family", because of excessive enthusiasm, it brings a lot of trouble to the neighbor Liu Mei's family.

At the beginning of the acquaintance of Fat Aunt and Liu Mei, Liu Mei also enthusiastically invited Fatty to be free at home.

At first, the Liu Mei family was very welcome to the arrival of fat, because she could always make everyone amused.

But for a long time, the fat sister -in -law gradually did not treat himself as an "outsider."

One day, Liu Mei was very tired when she got home from get off work. I wanted to order for dinner.

The fat sister -in -law was enthusiastic about buying a lot of ingredients. Zhang Luo took everyone to cook together. As a result, Liu Mei's family was too busy for the meal.

After meals, Fat Aunt asked Xiaoxue to tutor her daughter's homework, while pulling Liu Mei to talk about the shortness of the parents.

It wasn't until 11 o'clock in the night that he reluctantly left.

In the next few weeks, similar dramas were staged one after another.

Liu Mei felt embarrassed, so he euphemistically hinted: "Fat, you eat at our house, what do you do if your lover and children do?"

But Fatty did not hear the subtext behind him, and was going to call her husband and child over.

The relationship between the two people was originally intimate, and it slowly produced a mustard.

Thinking of a sentence that Cai Kangyong once said: "Too enthusiastic is not a way to maintain a good relationship alone. It is best to get along with people to stay a little bit, and keep a certain distance from the outside world."

Walking too close to anyone is a "suicide" social.

Whether it is loved ones or friends, no matter how deep feelings, it should not be our reason for "excessive intervention in the family and private life of others".

The best relationship between people is not to distinguish between each other, but to be familiar with "distance".

Knowing how to retreat is the top wisdom of adults.

Picture source: panorama vision

Gorman stated in the book "EQ": "You make people comfortable, determine the height you can reach."

In the sea of ​​life, no one is an islands that can live on all.

If you want to live a happy life, you need to maintain a good interpersonal relationship:

Get the score well, and the feelings will not be able to flow long without the thunder pool.

Thinking diligently and changing your mind with your heart can you be stamp with each other.

The measurement scale, the cooked "distance" is long -term.

The "attractiveness" rule in life tells us: people with similar frequencies will always gather together.

For the rest of my life, I hope you and I can be a person who knows the right, change, know and retreat, and make people get along comfortably.

The people who attract the same frequency are closer, and the harvest makes each other's comfortable circle of friends.

Click "watching" and encourage friends.

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