Literature, can you help you lose love happily?

Topic: How to happy love- "Liang Yongan's Love Class" online salon

Time: 19:00 on May 18, 2022

Guest: Professor and writer Liang Yongan Fudan University Literature

Bird Bird talk show actor/screenwriter

Honor: ideal country

There are more people now

People today are not easy to fall in love

Liang Yongan: Today's topic is also very challenging to me- "happy love". The book "Liang Yongan's Love Class" originated in a "one seat" speech in Shenzhen in 2017. At that time, "how we face love in the golden age of single." After that, the response from the audience and the Internet was great. Later, "a seat" invited me to Beijing to give a lecture. I sorted out some very distinctive and sharp issues that the contemporary love contemporary people would face and compiled 36 keywords. In 2018, he gave six lectures in the form of literary lessons.

In the final analysis, I am a very simple person. There are many unsolved things in the face of life. I am surprised and curious. I was born in the 1950s and went to work in the Dai people of Yunnan. I still impressed me deeply in the past, life, and people in the past. Later, in the process of modernization, I went to study at Fudan University, worked at school, walked abroad, and saw such a diverse social survival. Among them, the mood and love experience of love were also diverse. At this time, there is a comparison, in a large reference department -the reference department of time and the reference of the times to look at love issues, so with this book.

It happened that the birds and birds, like me, are all from studying literature. Love and hate in literature, such a broad life, from ancient times to the present. When I saw the birds and birds, I had a lot of common mood to talk. Today, I also want to talk to you and share it together.

Bird and Bird: I also want to learn some advanced and deep love theory with Teacher Liang. Because we are really confused now, we don't know what to do in many cases.

Liang Yongan: People in modern society are tired, and people today in love is not easy. Unlike the traditional agricultural society seven fairy Dong Yong, life is simple. The most tiring is not physical strength, but spirit. Today we have to deal with so many things, studies, go to job hunting, work, and face all kinds of things in all directions. At this time, getting a mood to fall in love is actually very fragile, just like a burden, add another one on it. But love is relatively large, it is a very heavy thing for a person. This matter is added in such a difficult life, so it can really hold it particularly well. It is really difficult to express it particularly well like a traditional society, expressing a particularly good love mood.

Bird and Bird: There are more people now. You can choose to spend your time on many things. You can choose to know many people. Why do you bet your feelings on this person? Now that I have been in love for a long time, I want to be single. I want to fall in love for a long time. Enjoy intimacy when you are in love, and enjoy freedom when you don't talk.

Liang Yongan: So I also said in the book that it is not easy for young people to fall in love. In sociology, the "mushroom period" -The age of age of twenty -four -year -old enters the society, although your education is okay, but in the final analysis You are still barefoot, whether it is the workplace or in all aspects, you face a very large conversion. When you first arrived in society, the little mushrooms in the corner of the shed have not grown up, and they are also in the growth period of their own to be completed. Maybe the previous generation looks at the next generation. I feel that your marriage is a problem. The consciousness of this problem makes you urgently solve in a real life, so happiness is low.

Bird and Bird: I always see the unswerving way, it is difficult to focus on this one. You said "love in the mushroom period", when you are young, you do n’t know what you want and what you can do. You may be grateful when you get a leaf when you get a small caterpillar. You may need a sky after becoming a butterfly. This leaf cannot be satisfied. you. Two people are inappropriate and there is no way.

Liang Yongan: "Happy Love" may also include this meaning. You have grown up, go forward, and the unreasonable things may be a little bit bottomed out. It may also be a way of lifestyle that I like. Later, I felt that I had drove. It seemed to be able to connect many elements of new life. The original things could become a constraint. The original happy things were not very happy. So the division and integration of our era is still very common. The best state is that both of them want to break up, and they are embarrassed to say first. After a long time, they were relieved. But this situation is less.

Literature allows you to understand and understand people who are different from yourself

Liang Yongan: Some readers ask questions. This book consists of two parts: love class and literary lessons. I want to ask what is helpful to read literary works for the current general emotional confusion? What is the promotion of literature for young people?

Bird and Bird: If you read literature, you will enter the heart of the character from the plot, so reading literature will let you understand, understand and different people. You may find that it is more tolerant of others in the real world, and it is no longer a iron plate for many things. You may understand the angle of many people, and you look at the world more peaceful. Especially when you break up, you feel very painful. At this time, it is more suitable for reading novels, watching movies, and suitable for Teacher Liang's books, because this book recommends very good books and movies.

Liang Yongan: Because art and novels are still very different from reality. The reality is very sharp. The reality is divided into different interests, different political demands, and different economic status. Therefore, it is difficult for people to jump out of their own positions to treat different people. Many people have a clear position. But this is not the case in the novel. I like Hugo's novels very much. Hugo writes the French Revolution, like "19th and Three Years", and there is absolute humanitarianism on the absolute revolution; Cold, but why he later committed suicide, he also had rich feelings. Therefore, when we understand the world, if the literature can be released in reality, human beings will become very tolerant and particularly rich. When understanding the world, there is a kind of original limitations, the original narrow, and can coexist in a very warm coexistence. To understand people and life. This is particularly good. But the real world is really too difficult. It is too difficult for a person to get out of his original passage. Zhuangzi said that "Xiaworm cannot speak ice". Our biggest wish is that Summer and insects can also speak ice and can integrate with each other. But sometimes I ca n’t merge, I feel deeply touched.

Bird and Bird: We will all fall into some kind of paranoia and arrogance to ourselves. I feel that "I'm right, others are different from me." But reading literature and reading novels, you will realize that everyone has his past, his memory and experience, and determines his instinct and choice at the moment. If you have a kind of compassion to understand people who are different from you, you may find that everyone has a cute side, and you will not feel that many things are so difficult to understand and make you angry.

Literature lets us see human society

There is a kind of human feelings

Liang Yongan: I also like to watch South American novels. They have a sense of freeness. Our previous traditional novels have a strong sense of morality, and people are very distinctive and paper -cut, including "Water Margin".

But when you see South American novels, good people and bad people are unclear. Like Ruerfu's novels, a character, you see him so bad. If he is Nanba Tian and Huang Shiren in our literature, he should die, but it is not there. He snatched the food fields of others so and killed others, but in love, although the woman finally fell off, he was still unhappy. In the end, the woman died, and he became fascinated. This person, we will feel that there are many unreasonable things on him.

We sometimes alienate a person and give him a logic, saying who he is. This kind of words may be particularly simplified, we just define him. You may just feel like a blind man, and you can see just a small piece. Literature let us see human society, there is a kind of human feelings.

On the other hand, I also realize that these stories in literature are indeed different from real life, and the difference is the possibility. In our lives, we often have a model, a rhythm, and everyone do. For example, everyone wants to take a good school, find a good job, and buy a house, all in this big logic. The characters written in novels, movies, and dramas seem to have an exception. Like the "narrow door" written by Jide, each time is pushing away the narrow door. There is an exception. What will happen after the exception? There are various stories.

After we have seen this, we will understand the real life, and we also have many possibilities. Which possibility we are going to do? It is the kind of dream that is in line with your own nature and talent, and that you grow up from childhood to childhood. If something given up, it makes me unable to rest, and everything else will become insignificant. You just pass through, even if others envy? What is the most precious thing in my life and my root? This is often written in novels.

Bird and Bird: It is equivalent to the life that you are following the character when you look at novels and stories. You can try to substitute this character and see yourself a certain choice. It is a process of knowing self, you may know what you want. Because our own life has only one road to choose from, the more stories you see, the more bifurcation you know, and you can experience many kinds of life.

Liang Yongan: If you realize the literature, we will expand our width of life. One of our scarcity today is here -our living law is too single. The most lacking is the living method, the various ways of living. And the living method in literature is different. If these living methods, if you ask yourself, may be that we feel particularly good. I think a scale may be established.

Love itself is also a co -construction of life, and is a new life and new life that re -integrates

Liang Yongan: The next question: It is said that you must be an independent individual before falling in love. But if we are very satisfied with ourselves, why still need love? What does love bring us?

Bird and Bird: It is difficult for people to feel pure and self -consistent at this age. But what we can do is not to pass or attribute the pain of our lives to others. Many of the difficulties we encounter in the relationship are that our cognition of ourselves is unstable, so we will feel this pain. I even feel that it may be a way to achieve self -consistent love in some extent, because looking at myself through the eyes of others may have a deeper understanding of myself.

Liang Yongan: I wrote the movie "Lady Lady" in my book. As a single middle -aged man, he studies linguistics and does knowledge, making friends, and listening to music every day. Later, he saw a flower -selling girl, which was very talented, but the behavior of developing the day after tomorrow was very rough, the speech was bad, and the sound was very loud, with many sayings. He suddenly wanted to do an experiment, trained her in language, and turned her into a lady, speaking very delicate languages. Friends did not think that they could not do it, but he devoted all his energy to correct her pronunciation in a sentence. At the beginning, the two were completely incompatible, and the culture was completely different. But in this process, the flower girl gradually sold the kind of simple, the kind of decentness of Higgins is very precious, and he was very mental and very pure. I couldn't figure out why the sprinter was trained so hard. Later, I learned that people are pure -facing this runway every day, and there are no worldly life in the world. He just focuses on the runway every day. The same is true of Higgins. This flower girl suddenly discovered a new spiritual world, she fell in love with him. But Higgins didn't feel at all. In the end, this experiment was successful, Higgins won this gambling, and was ready to end the matter. Higgins was relaxed, singing songs, and small broken steps and jumped home. Suddenly, things were not right. Back to the house empty, it felt different. It seemed to suddenly become a desert in life. He felt strange, and suddenly felt a desire, what would you desire? It turned out that after the selling flower girl left, he was not used to it, and finally realized that he had fallen in love with her.

I think life is two people together, you may have been self -consistent. But the two very real two people are together, and their temperament is very good. In fact, it will make the world wider. From large aspects to details, it will build a life that is more conforming to human nature and more people.

Bird and Bird: The best relationship is to create something together under the premise of respecting each other. The story like "Lady Lady" is to create new habits. Two people to complete one thing together are actually a process of establishing a good relationship. I have watched a movie called "Happy Line behind Wuyun". The male and female lead were just neighbors, but they decided to participate in a dance competition and rehearse each day. The two people were very different, but they understood each other. Finally together. Sometimes we do not hold that kind of purpose together to contact. For example, it is simply contacting friends or completing one thing. In the end, it is found that it is quite suitable for falling in love. This is the best.

Liang Yongan: Things that love together will be particularly good. From my understanding, maybe we live in this world, which is actually a relationship of co -construction. Love itself is also a co -construction of life. In the construction, the original difference life, after two people together, create a new life and new life that neither belongs to you nor me, but re -integrate. totally different.

Very ordinary people can also realize true love, a person must have that moment in a person's life

Liang Yongan: The next question, how to distinguish the moment of love? What is this feeling?

Bird and Bird: There is a public account called Know Yourself. You enter keywords in it, what "true love" and the like, the standard of judging true love will appear. My own feeling is that you will have some uncontrollable ideas. You may usually be rational, but when you meet this person, you will miss him/her 24 hours a day.

Liang Yongan: Maybe a feeling of love is that you suddenly feel that you fall in love with a girl. At this time, there is a difference that only one girl in the world, the others are others. I think true love is like this. When you are not in love, there may be some ideas of the ideal lover in your mind, and you have a setting imagination. But real love often breaks all your original imagination. It turns out that you can not accept some states or criteria. You don't think it is important at that moment, everything can be changed, everything can be accepted. At least at that moment you love you. Go on. If it is said that the original requirements meet the original requirements, add points, add to 99, think it is okay, and then go up with one point, it is often easy to have problems. So this is a complex issue.

Some of the friends I know, they feel that they fall in love with someone at once, I ask him, what do you think she thinks? He thought for a while, and couldn't say it at all, just like it. For example, one of my friends falling in love with a girl, and generally looking at the value or something, she is not conspicuous, but he feels beautiful, feels good -looking, and feels particularly beautiful. This is not a matter of logic at all.

Bird and Bird: Everyone expects that boys are wealthy and status. Girls look better and can definitely get true love. But in real life, very ordinary people can also experience true love. Maybe everyone needs a little more confidence and more confidence.

Liang Yongan: Anyway, a person must have that moment in his life, not rational measuring. For a moment, I feel that all my life can be paid and turned into it, as if the world has changed, which is also very important.

People who have taken a lot of detours may be easier to meet the right people

Liang Yongan: Another friend asked, is it difficult for people who have taken a lot of detours to meet the right person? Maybe life is more twisted and bumpy, and I have experienced a lot. Bird and Bird: If you say that you have taken a lot of detours, will the right way get closer?

Liang Yongan: Sometimes after a person has experienced more, he knows more about love, and puts down many external vulgar standards.

I have a experience that I used to like a lot of things in this world and pursue a lot of things, but in the end I discovered that people in the world are the most precious. No matter how good the house, the best car, and the best thing, are made by inorganic objects. Through the material conversion of people, it is made through the production process. In the final analysis, it brings you convenience and accompanies you through many places. But it is actually huge different from people. People have temperature, mood, imagination, complaints, and infinite desires in their hearts, so people are the most precious.

Human beings are diverse. What kind of people are suitable for themselves, and what kind of people can they work together? When you do n’t have the ability to love, you may not accept the other person's small defect. Maybe the other party will be ruled out by you.

Just like photography, at the end of photography, the deepest experience is to learn the choice of this world. I just picked up the camera and I wanted to shoot anything. The tree looked at it with a beautiful look. That kind of photo looks very loose and has no focus. A photo should have only one interest point. Where is that focus? Moreover, some people have taken the subjective themes. They want to shoot everything. Seeing this good, that one is good, and the separate composition is good. But the whole shot felt that it was divergent. In the end, he may find his own theme, like Brace, French photographer. He finally found his subject matter, that is, shooting in Paris at night. The people at night appeared more passionate than during the day. The shadow mottled characters came out, so he shot milk, kerosene lamps, and men and women in the tavern. It was particularly good.

I think the most important thing is the simple heart. The more simple people lack your mind, you may take some detours, more bumps, but as long as you keep your sincerity, after a lot of experience, you may have a good focus on the world and the experience of people. Know what you should do and who you should love. At this time he was not a spontaneous person, but a self -awareness. From this perspective, it should be concerned that people who have taken a lot of detours may be easier to encounter the right person.

Bird and Bird: Yes, it is easier to cherish beautiful things when you walk around.

If you understand the wishes of others, you have the prerequisite to love others

Liang Yongan: The last question is more difficult to answer. How do you have the ability to love someone? What kind of person has the most lover ability?

Bird and Bird: In theory, I guess that the more experienced in love, the more the experience of lover. But sometimes it is not necessarily. Sometimes it may not be obtained because of some kind of narcissism. When a person has the ability to experience others, he has the ability to love others. He has the prerequisite for understanding the wishes of others.

Liang Yongan: I have an acquaintance girl in Shanghai, she is like this. When she was in love at the age of 22, the biggest experience was to lose her temper. For example, the other party was so angry that the other party was so angry that it was particularly unhappy. But later experienced a lot of emotions, including the ups and downs of marriage, and later. When I fell in love later, for example, she was in love at the age of 29, and the other party was late for half an hour. She stood there and thought of "Is he a physical problem or because the work can't come". think. She suddenly found that she was particularly different from her little girl. At that time, it might lose his temper and "work" to confirm that the other party loved me. But at this time, she understood that love was more considerate of the other party, and more had the ability to love others. She thinks this is a growth and promotion given by her years.

Bird and Bird: Many boys may express their love very warmly when they are young. But for girls, it is not what she needs, but it may be a kind of fright. But as he grows older, he knows how to respect the border of girls and how to cultivate feelings. It may slowly be easier for everyone to be happy.

Liang Yongan: We have developed so fast in this era, changing so fast, and so liquid. We really lack a few capabilities:

One is the ability to encounter. We watched Western novels and movies, mostly two strangers met all at once. Suddenly there was a beating deep in our hearts. At first, they talked, and then two people talked together. We Chinese, in the traditional society, are exclusive to ingenuity. Young people in China saw a person's heartbeat, but our traditional culture did not dare to act lightly. Many things were pressed in their hearts and lost many opportunities.

Then there is a lack of a break -up culture in the link of breaking up and falling in love. We lack a very generous, very rich, strong breakup culture, which can make the loss of love into a growth and an opportunity for us to better understand life and emotions. This seems easy, but it is actually a difficult problem.

We have a lot of expectations for love, but there are a lot of anxiety.Let's share such a topic together, facing life more confident, and more enthusiastic in the face of life.No matter what we have experienced, we will never lose our belief in love. This is a must -have spirit for us to face the future and have our own happiness.Source: Beijing Youth Daily

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