[High -end original poetry platform] Yunfan Poetry Club 535 Better Evaluation

One of the poems, there is no way to learn, and there is no way to learn. Scholars, the stones of other mountains can attack jade; The ancients of the ancients were "like a discussion, such as thinking like a grind", so that the gentleman's demeanor is even more extended to be a good learning spirit. Today Yunfan's setting up this column is a place for our exchanges, a place for identification, and a platform for progress.

Old village

Zhang Mingxin

Stepping on the deserted grass, listening to the old tree cicada.

There is still a way in the old village, and there is no way to childhood.

[Duan Wei's comment] Ordinary things and ordinary words, in three or four sentences, sighing that time is gone, and the soft place of people's hearts.

Ren Yin Xia Dongzhang saw the poem on the Wuling Road to see the charm of the poem

Zhou Da

Every time the cover mask is updated, the decline has been stained with Jingluochen.

The jumping pendant is suitable, and the Shi Shi Shi Xin can stretch.

Look at the white -haired autumn wind, the same old master of peach blossoms.

Where is my career, I still do n’t know myself.

[Duan Wei's comment] From the beginning of the text, the Lianlian made up the narrative, the neck associated the title, and the tail of the tail. The level is clear, and there are also considerable places in the secondary couplet, especially the "white hair" pair of "peach blossoms".

Xijiangyue · Baked egg tart

Wang Yuying

The eggs knocked on and the sugar was sprinkled and mixed. Some baked and casting gold body. Until the outer coke and tender.

Even if it was once storm, it still did not change the innocence. Dusk under the window.莫.

[Duan Wei's comment] The upper paintings are painted and vivid; The relationship between up and down is also poor, and the film also feels abrupt.

Balance

Tang Jiejun

Listening to the name is fair and anti -routine.

Who gives a little more, who is leaning to who is

[Lei Haiji Comments] Poetry flows well and read well. The word "fairness" in the first sentence, the second sentence reversed, the following two sentences explained why the reason is: whoever gives it more is biased towards whom. Is this fair? Poetry is about balanced utensils, so it is not a social phenomenon.

The first two heads of Renyin's return to their hometowns

Shen Huawei

After a long time, he was reluctant to be self -reliant, and the characters in the garden failed to forget.

In the disabled, he could look northwest when he raised his northwest.

[Lei Haiji Comments] The two sentences of the upper part are just a guide, leading to two sentences. "Looking northwest," the fresh image reflects the affection of the Bei Diao people to the hometown of Ningxia. The older people, the more they miss their hometown.

Renyin passed Yanqing Zhao Brother Qingshan Garden on July 29

Riverside

The Xiakawa Xiamu is too lush, and the garden is red.

It is indeed that the former general's family can move thousands of 嶂 as a screen.

[Lei Haiji Comments] After the first two sentences were paved, there was a climax below: the children of the door moved Qingshan Thousands to make the screen. General, Haoxiong is heroic, saying that he is the poet, Mr. Jiang Lan.

Viewing Begonia Mountain Cliff Statue feels

Duan Wei

Such as the rope trail cloud, the cliff traces are half -disabled.

Whoever expected the marks on the day, the world's storm is better than chiseling.

[Lei Haiji Comments] This sentence is wonderful. The first sentence describes the image of realistic images. Because of the "semi -disabled", the ending of the sentence, "The storm is more firm than chisel." The wind and rain in the world are stronger than the stone knife, and it is also the power of time. A smooth little poem describes a small thing and leads to a big truth.

Summer night overwhelming people

Winter summer

Tonight, I visited the savage house.

The rain was small and humid, and the ground fell on the ground.

The new vegetables are picky, and the wine is wide.

To go again and again, the garden is waiting for cooked melon.

[Lei Haiji Comments] The first four sentences are compared with the last four sentences, which produces poetry in the contrast. The first four sentences strongly create the cold and deserted of friends' homes. The third alliance wrote the enthusiasm of the owner's hospitality. When the end of the farewell, the master wrote the master's repeated instructions, and the cooked melon in the garden was waiting for you to taste next time. The friendship in this environment is particularly moving.

Night reading is not the problem

Zhou Shizhi

The poetry prescription enters the country, and it is difficult to be hot.

The breeze of the night step is up, and the lotus shakes long.

Invite the moonlight with the column, count the starlight.

Who put the bamboo in front of the door and the roots on the wall.

[Lei Haiji Comments] This poem is smooth and easy to read, reflecting the poet's life is different from ordinary people. It is difficult to be hot, ordinary people may be upset, but the poets are interested in the wind, the lotus, invites the moon, and count the stars. Is the poet's stupidity, naive, or the poet's alternative thinking. No matter what, it is interesting.

Listening to the rain to listen to the rain

Wei Xinhe

Whoever plays this lone pavilion in He Qian is specially left to listen to it.

The pulse is Xiaoxiao's distant thoughts, and the strands are floating.

Knowing that Ye Qian's rhyme was not the same as the world.

Ken Yin Yin to eliminate the night, and to Tianming with the Jun pillow.

[Lei Haiji Comments] This works are strong and strong, full of tension and moving. The first question, the stack of the 字 字, the neck collateral uses the negative sentence pattern of the word "no" plus extreme numbers, and the end -of -the -tailed running sentence pattern, all highlight the momentum. The characteristics of the seven provers of the Tang Dynasty were "winning". Wang Han (grape wine), Wang Changling (Qin Shimingyue) Wang Zhizheng (Yellow River Yuanyuan) Li Bai (Chao Emperor Bai Emperor) is all strong. I have an article discussed the characteristics and application methods of this style of poetic style. Published in the Poetry of "Red Leaf", which includes the Selection of Lei Haiji Works.

Raw

Cao Yang

The lotus cover is supported and not allowed to jump in. Only timidity of sorrowful fish, setting off a continuous Tianbi.

In the hidden red corner, it can ignite the day. Waiting to quote the song, see the dragonfly standing.

[Lei Haiji Comments] Liu Ye said: "Poet, holding it, holding human temperament." It means that poetry is writing temperament. Although this little order is written, it is full of human temperament. The lotus stems are supported to cover the load cover, so as not to let the water beads fall into the pond. The heart of love can be learned. Why the red lotus tip horn is hidden in the lotus pond in order to ignite the sun and make the dragonfly stand in a foothold. The ruffles and the tip of the lotus have humanity, of course, the temperament of the author. Sending human temperament to things is more poetic and more intentional.

Chaozhongjuo · Sixteen Lake Lotus Garden

Qin Feng (Hubei Xianning)

The green shadow of the bridge is Liu Po. It is full of pool loads. Between the wind turning the waves, sometimes the wind is giving the lotus song.

The clouds stopped, the fish swimmed the bottom of the leaves, but there was not much envy. The green umbrella shading is just right. How is the borrowing?

[Hengdaozi Comments] Between or, sometimes playful. Bighe Gai is a green umbrella, and it is commonplace. A small word is chic, and the flowing clouds are average.

Visiting Gujing Temple in Takayama Temple is no longer there, Shiquan is still there

Xiongdong

Where is Qingyuan, the flowing out of the mountain.

Witness the millennium ancient times, and it is idle for a day.

Wen Jing Songlixue, on the night of the night.

The stone on the stone is there, and the traveler is not repaid.

[Hengdaozi Comment] The two couplets in the middle are not needed. You love the first and tails. Where is Qingyuan, the flowing mountains are out of the mountain, and the Q & A is so free; the stone on the stone is there, and the cloud travels without returning, and it should be so free and free; "Unknown" comes more naturally.

Firework

Liao Guohua

Whoever remembers Ru Mao to drink blood years, and the ape is a good name.

If there is no knock on the stone, it will be nine cigarettes in Qizhou.

[Hengdaozi Comments] The fire of the stars can be alarm, which is politics; One star in the stone, ordered Qizhou nine cigarettes, good association, broad, cattle!

Balance

Tang Jiejun

Listening to the name is fair and anti -routine.

Who gives a little more and lean to whom.

[Park Park Boosheng Comments] The key is "Who gives a little more", the needle is in the real place, and it can be read.

The rural uncle takes everyone's envy drums to pick up the fresh vegetables to catch the morning market

Nanshan Yongke

Freshish season two baskets, one burden to start the faith.

It is said that the rewards are not reluctant, in exchange for small alcoholization.

[Bao Pu Shu Sheng's comment] The idea of ​​the poem is good, but it feels like there is still room for improvement in the refining sentences. There is no need to "live up" if you have "rewarding diligence"; what does "turn ordinary"? It's dull and unsolved. See you for reference only.

Visiting Gujing Temple in Takayama Temple is no longer there, Shiquan is still there

Xiongdong

Where is Qingyuan, the flowing out of the mountain.

Witness the millennium ancient times, and it is idle for a day.

Wen Jing Songlixue, on the night of the night.

The stone on the stone is there, and the traveler is not repaid.

[Bao Pu Shu Sheng's comment] The whole first fell on the word "empty".

Feast

Lei Zhou

The quiet night is strange, and the group books can be eaten.

Three cups of Qin Han Fu, two bowls of Jin Tang poems.

Dip the moon when seasoning, the meal style is easy to relieve hunger.

The former sages were sitting up, and when I was unknown with me.

[Bao Pu Shusheng Comments] It is rare to write reading so vulgar and elegant!

Visit the Bulin Spring Camp in Wulaga Prairie at Night

Wang Congying

There is no project to the sky, and Liangxiao Bonfire is a monarch.

In the distant air layout, the star knocks, and the grass is like a sound of flowers.

The mountain is sent to the clouds, and the signed the signed by the flower sentence.

Apao met with a song, only singing and singing with the long.

[Bao Pu Shusheng Comments] The two sentences of the neck are very beautiful, and they are right, but I don't quite understand that the "cloud pressure roll" and why do you come to "signature monthly signature"? Perhaps I was not at the scene, I couldn't watch this wonderful scene. I was for reference only.

Old village

Zhang Mingxin

Stepping on the deserted grass, listening to the old tree cicada.

There is still a way in the old village, and there is no way to childhood.

[Yang Xue window review] The last two sentences flipped well. There are roads in the old village. There is no way for childhood. It is nothing more than a sense of "things right and wrong", and the word "road" runs through. Through the contrast of "road" and "no way", he sighs.

After the rain, take a picture near the home home

Safe

The hometown of Yushui Township is new, and there is no dust in the sky.

There is Huaxuan to pick up Zhuguan Road and know the old owner of the flat.

[Yang Xue window comment] The first two sentences summarize the scene, the latter sentence uses the "flower" as the entry point, and it is more expressive. The thinking of the last two sentences reminds people of the money "Being under the window of pity and glory, without changing the yin and waiting for me to return", all of which are active and artificial passive writing. Personally, the word "Hyun" in the third sentence is slightly not natural and appropriate, a little strange, but a little bit eye -catching.

Viewing Begonia Mountain Cliff Statue feels

Duan Wei

Such as the rope trail cloud, the cliff traces are half -disabled.

Whoever expected the marks on the day, the world's storm is better than chiseling.

[Yang Xue window comment] The first sentence is very good. The word "hanging" in the second sentence is also appropriate and vivid. Three or four sentences are good. This "stay marks" refers not only to the artificial marks of the year, but also the wind and rain of the years to the erosion of the cliff. Moreover, the author's thinking can penetrate one layer, and believes that the eclipse of the world's storms is stronger and deeper than the chisel marks of manpower. It is just the last sentence "the world's storm is more firm than chisel". Reading reads, the final feelings are a bit stiff.

Lychee

How the third

Taste but feel sweet and sour.

There is no need to do the red -to -handed stage, Jiangnan also has litchi Dan.

[Yang Xue window comment] The first two sentences are deducted from the characteristics of "litchi", and the last two sentences are wonderful. Crossed the gate

Huang Haitao

Tianyan felt that Xia was long, and the wind crossed the gate of the city.

There was no re -horseshoe sound, but Wen Weng was recalled.

[Yang Xue window comment] The first two sentences are written flat, and the last two sentences are "horseshoe sounds" and "Weng Yan Yi Hui Wilderness" as the starting point, and they are trying to extend to the depths to make the verses have a strong sense of historical vicissitudes. People sighed.

Introduction to critics

Introduction to Lei Haiji

Lei Haiji, pen name Zhuangxi Shui, a sage in Jiangxi, a military poet, a poem critic. Former political committee member and rank of the University of the Liberation Army, the rank of the University, and poetry articles have been selected as the National Chinese Poetry Seminar, the Chinese Army Travel Poetry Seminar, and the Chinese Poetry Forum on both sides of the Taiwan Strait. Compiled and published "Poetry Quick Getting Started Guidance", "Quotations of Poetry of Masterpieces in Ancient and Modern Masterpieces", "Selection of Lei Haiji Poetry Poems").

Brief Introduction to Bao Pu Sheng

Gao Shichun, who is a scholar in Hao Park, Yunfan Poetry will consult.

Duan Weijian

Duan Wei, born in 1964, was born in Yingshan, Hubei, a doctor of law. Professor of Huazhong Normal University, also served as an executive director of the Chinese Poetry Society, president of the Chinese Poetry Society of Hubei Province, and editor -in -chief of the "Hearts Poetry" comment.

Introduction to Hengdaozi

Hengdao, his real name is Gao Yongzhi, Liaoning Changwu. He is the author of the poem collection "near life" and won the 4th Liaoning Literature Award.

Introduction to Yang Xue Feng

Yang Qiang, Xuexue Window, born in 1987, Xiangyang, Hubei. Zhejiang Satellite TV's "Up, Poetry" champion, won the "Poetry" 2020 Chen Ziang Youth Poetry Award, the third "National Poetry Contest" Poetry Department, and the first "Sea Yue Cup" Poetry Contest Poetry Department Volume 1 The third class of the finals of the word department is the judge of the poetry department of the second "Xiangtianhua Cup" Poetry Contest.

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