Why is CP happy, but it ’s uncomfortable to see others show affection?

In the middle of the night, I was awakened by WeChat sent by my friend. I picked up the latest news of the lock screen interface and read:

"You should also talk about love and feel the joy of love."

I am quite happy, thinking that this person finally found that I was going to introduce the object to me. As a result, when I opened WeChat to pull up, I found that the person had just taken off the order and sent me a bunch of photos of himself and the object. There was a lot of signs.

Okay, I did n’t see the mobile phone throwing the phone on the bedside. As a result, I thought about it a step back.

Show love, really won't be able to distinguish quickly

Obviously, I was loved by Xiuen. Although my friends may not realize that I am "show", but just because of an unbearable expression of expression, I want to share the joy of love, but I can’t help I scolded "show love, divide quickly."

The corresponding concept of Xiu Ai in English is the Public Display of Affection. The literal translation is a public affection, referring to the phenomenon of showing the relationship with couples in front of others, such as intimate dialogue in public, hug hugs, hug hugs, hug hugs, hug hugs Even kissing and so on.

Not so direct, but the cornering shows that the relationship between the two people is very good, which is also a kind of beautiful show of love, just like parents who talk about each other and complain about each other, but inadvertently prepare for each other's preferences to prepare daily life. User appliances, this tacit understanding can also make others feel showed.

With the development of social media, there is also a social network show affection. For example, sending two people in the circle of friends to play with hand -to -hand photos, replace the avatar with photos or couple avatars. form:

A variety of show love [1]

No matter what kind of show affection, the mood is often not too good for the person who is the show. Feelings, low, jealousy, sadness and other feelings are often mixed together. This extensive emotional response makes "show affection, fast divide" becomes a hidden consensus and a small curse.

What disappoints everyone is that "show love, divide fast" is more like a wishful thinking of the onlookers. There is almost no statistical evidence to support Xiu Ai, and even some research will tell you that Xiu Ai will make the relationship stronger.

A study found that Facebook has a higher relationship with the relationship between the two parties with a photo of both parties and a closer to a partner. The tracking research shows that in the days when people feel more satisfied with their relationship, it is more likely to be on Facebook Share information related to relationships [2].

Isn't this a show of love?

Another research on 212 American college students shows that the show information on Facebook will increase the possibility of two people still together after six months. These show information information includes the emotional status of the homepage as "love in love", leave a message interaction on the opponent's homepage, and send a photo of two people.

If the other party is really pairing and Qinse is tuneing, and it is good to live well, we should be happy for the other party, but why do people generally be so disgusted with Xiu love?

Think about why Xiu Ai is so annoying, we can start with those unwilling show affection.

Promise is greater than the show of showing off.

Those who issue their own wedding certificates, wedding photos, commemorative day gifts, etc., there are not so many people who are disgusted. Everyone will be happy to like them and send a lot of "blessings" and "congratulations" in the comment area. "Too sweet" comments.

And when a person shows love frequency too much and the content of the content of the show is too heavy, everyone may dislike to block the other party silently. The extreme of this kind of love is the coquettish wife literature.

The difference between the two is whether the love shown in the circle of friends is a healthy, fulfilling love, or a obsession, just to show off love.

Stenberg's love triangle theory believes that perfect love is composed of three parts: passion, intimacy, and commitment. When a small composition of a person who sends a partner and commemorates on the anniversary, it actually makes an open commitment. This The promise will make the partner feel at ease, and the audience will have emotional resonance.

However, this open commitment can also be regarded as a social display. Like food, assets, and lifestyles, "love" is also a showing resource, allowing exhibitors to occupy an advantage in each other [4].

The content of showing love is promised or showing off. It seems to depend on the idea of ​​the audience. In fact, it also reflects the display of the displayer. Of course, people have the power to show off, but the audience also has annoying power. Sometimes it really really really. It is not the wrongdoing of the audience.

The show of showing social comparisons is annoying

Another is not easy to be annoying. Whether it is a live -action CP or a papermaker CP, as long as you can make sugar, you can twist on the bed.

Before the emergence of CP culture, Xiu Ai in virtual works was rarely crushed. Just like Guo Jing and Huang Rong, the bridge section of Xiuyou grasped a lot, but almost no one hated them.

Even the benchmark predicted by fate | Zhihu @lost

It is easy for people to forgive virtual show affection, but it is difficult to forgive the show of love in real life because the show of show love in real life is too close to their own life, which is easy to make people compare society [5].

The judgment of people's ability and status such as their ability and status is often not based on objective standards, but through comparison with others around. This is society comparison. As Marx said [6]: No matter how small a house is, when the surrounding houses are so small, it can meet the society's requirements for housing. However, once a palace was standing near this small house, the small house was shrinking into a hut.

The objects that people use to compare are often people who are similar to themselves. This similarity including gender, degree of effort, experience, age, etc. [7], so the lethality of parents and mothers show affection. Xiu Yue's lethality.

The person who shows affection in social media is very high in similarity. It is easy to be used as the object of social comparison. The passive acceptance of "show affection" can cause negative society. Life is happier, causing the individual's jealousy, and then leading to a decline in subjective happiness [5].

Xiuen's love is unhappy, and I am hurt again,

What to do?

Just look at and learn

Since there is no way to refuse, that person can't always eat the suffering of being affectionate. From a different perspective, showing affection can actually be a case of couples reasonably handling love relationships. Being of show love is a observation of another state of life.

For the excellent model of Xiu En Love, we can be used as learning materials, good copy of copywriting, good ceremony to learn, good gift collection and collection. Maybe I can't find the object.

Just be a chance to reflect

You can also help us to remind us of our emotional state. If it is stabbed by the results of society, then you can think about it:

Is the relationship of others sweet and sweet, our relationship is not cold or not?

Have you been longing for love, but he dared not take a step?

Did I think of others too perfectly, but I ignored the beautiful moment of getting along with that TA in daily life?

Of course, there are also research on Valentine's Day. [8], it is not ruled out that people are constantly reflecting on their results after being loved these days ...

Try to perceive and accept your emotions ...

Envy, jealousy and hate, are all normal emotional experiences.

When they appear again next time, we can try to feel the emotions of our own at that time, and then try to accept this feeling -this is the accepted strategy of emotional regulation.

Accepting strategies emphasize emotional and feelings with an openness and acceptance attitude, and do not try to change them. This strategy can effectively improve people's emotional state, reduce evasion behavior, and improve interpersonal relationships [9].

As a psychologist's serious words, it's over.

I understand that it is easy to do it. I need to do a long practice and perception with the support of the professionals. I will go to the high incidence period of Xiu Enai. Is there a strategy that can take effect immediately?

Of course, that is:

Close the circle of friends, uninstall Weibo, and retreat for a day

Don't look at the most worry -free, lying down the most invincible, come, try it!

references

[1] Zhang Wenyi. (2014). Imaging communication and intimacy: Research on social network show love rituals (Master's Degree Thesis, Fudan University).

[2]Saslow, L. R., Muise, A., Impett, E. A., Dubin, M. (2013). Can you see how happy we are? Facebook images and relationship satisfaction. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 4(4), 411 -418.

[3]Toma， C. L.， Choi， M. (2015). The Couple Who Facebooks Together， Stays Together: Facebook Self-Presentation and Relationship Longevity Among College-Aged Dating Couples. Cyberpsychology， behavior and social networking， 18(7)， 367–372.

[4] Cai Yuheng. (2017). Research on the relationship between show affection and jealousy in the background of social networks (Master's Degree Thesis, Shanghai Jiaotong University).

[5] Guo Jinjin, Niu Lu, Xie Xiaochun, Wang Peng Cheng Lei Li. (2020). The relationship between the subjective happiness of the online "show affection" and the onlookers: the role of the intermediary role and attachment of self -esteem. Psychological development and education (03) , 359-366.

[6] Jiang Chang et al. "Value Theory and Ethics Research (2015 Volume)" [M]. Social Science Literature Press, 2016: 204

[7] Xing Shufen, Yu Guoliang. (2005). The current status and development trend of social comparative research. Psychological progress, 13 (1), 78-84. [8] MORSE, K. A., Neuberg, S. L. (2004). How do.Holidays Influence Relationship Processes and Outcomes? Examining the Instigation and Catalytic Effects of Valentine's Day. Personal Relationships, 11 (4), 509-527.

[9] Mao Jixuan. (2021). Accepting strategy adjustment of negative emotions and aggressive behaviors in social rejection (master's degree paper, Southwest University).

Author: hard sugar acid plum

Edit: Emeria, Odette

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