What is the root of a person's unconfident?

There is a hot topic on Zhihu: What is the feeling of people who lack confidence since childhood?

The question follows a long series of reply, which is very concerned:

Ashamed to express yourself, like to say, "Also, can be casually, all can be";

I always feel that I am ordinary, I dare not walk on my head;

I'm afraid of other people's eyes to stay on myself for a second ...

In the final analysis, adults' unconfidence often comes from doubts about themselves.

There is a sentence in "The Power of Confidence":

Self -confidence is not inherent, but needs to be built. This is a difficult journey that requires patience.

From now on, find out the root cause of unconfident, use the right method, and no longer be the bad reviewers of their own life.

Singer Jolin Tsai once admitted that he was a very unconfident person.

She said, "Walking on the road will feel that the vision of others projected on you is not good."

The external attention was too concerned, which caused her to become anxious.

In fact, this psychology is called "spotlight effect" in psychology.

Psychologists have done an interesting experiment:

Let the experimenters wear strange and embarrassing clothes, and participate in an event that is completely incompatible with clothes.

After the event, the experiments thought:

Almost half of the people noticed that their dress, all looked at themselves with strange eyes.

However, the survey results show that only a quarter of people noticed that he thought it was far lower than the experiments themselves.

People often overestimate their attention to themselves, and believe that others will enlarge their shortcomings and ridicule.

This psychological deviation can cause unconfidence and lead to internal consumption.

Zhao Nanxi in "Essence of OFFER" was originally one of the most optimistic interns.

Unexpectedly, her entire working status was high and low.

The reason is that in the process of work, she always feels that others are paying attention to herself.

She always watched the every move of the people around her, for fear that she would have a little bit.

Even if her colleague did not bring her coffee as a trivial matter, she had to secretly lose her half -day. She determined that she would be hated by colleagues.

In the end, it was unable to integrate into the team, and the debate also made frequent mistakes.

Philosopher Schopenhauer said: One of the most special weaknesses of human nature is to care about how others look at themselves.

Life is so hurried, everyone is busy with their own lives, almost no time to take care of others.

Your disturbance may be just a hurry of others.

You know, the real growth comes from the inner driver, not living in the eyes of others.

Keep a sober cognition and turn attention from others to yourself.

Because a person is good or bad, it has nothing to do with others, but it only has something to do with himself.

Do not overestimate the attention of others, relax mentality, and naturally confident.

I believe many people have experienced this experience:

I have worked hard for a long time, but I can't achieve the effect I want.

After repeated failures, it is easy to fall into unconfident and form incompetent thinking.

In this case, psychology is called helplessness, which stems from Seligman's experiment:

At first, put the dog in the cage. As long as the bee audio rang, the dog was shot so that the dog did not dare to move.

After being repeatedly shocked, as long as the bee audio sounds, the dog will fall to the ground before the electric shock, and moaning pain.

Even if you open the cage door, the dog will not escape.

In life, the unconfidence caused by the helplessness has become a common problem for many adults.

Netizen@小 网 Share a story.

Ah Hong University studied in English, and found a foreign trade assistant after graduation.

But who knows that the trial period has not yet been, it was dismissed, and this incident hit her self -confidence.

She found a few more jobs, because with the previous psychological shadow, she always felt that her ability was not good.

Therefore, the state of work is not satisfactory, and they are always afraid of the end. They have not passed the probation period several times.

Later, some seniors comforted her that she might not be a professional, so she introduced her to a job she was good at.

Unexpectedly, Ah Hong refused directly.

She feels that she is not suitable for work at all, and she is no longer willing to enter the workplace.

People with inferiority are accustomed to continuously deny themselves from the failure of the past.

As the saying goes, it is declining, three and exhausted, and they think they can't do it. This is the foundation of their lack of confidence.

There are clouds in the old saying: there is no way for mountains and water, and there is another village in Liuyan Huaming.

For a moment, it is not a way to crack. There is no need to do it yet, so it will be denied first.

As everyone knows, you can turn back when you hit the south wall, and you can turn around in the horns.

Changing and quitting is the last word. Breaking the curse of inferiority, there is a lot of surprises in front of confidence.

Actor Chen Kun once wrote that he was actually a particularly unconfident person in the book "Suddenly Going to Tibet".

He said that he was often worried and anxious. Even if he became famous and made money, he still had a strong sense of inferiority, lacking a sense of security in life, and panicked. There was a contradiction of "I don't deserve these".

This contradictory heart is not only because of the hard work of Beidiao life, but also from the shadow left by childhood.

For single -parent families, Chen Kun was often bullied at school.

Later, at a young age, he went out to work and earned money, worked as a typ, and served as a waiter.

Once for a while, it was particularly sensitive and inferior:

If you are ignored by others, you will remember it;

If the passerby is called the wrong name, he will resent it; even his natural appearance is not accepted. In order to prove that he is the power, he makes himself very fat and ugly, and he has been tangled for several years.

He said, "I always feel that everything does not belong to myself."

To what extent a person is inferior, he feels that he is not worthy of having happiness.

Psychologist Stephanie Starr once said: "All weaknesses are related to low self -esteem."

People with low self -esteem will be scared, no confidence, and a feeling of "I am not worth".

Following it into self -criticism, self -blame, self -doubt, make yourself more confident and depressed.

However, life is not a bitter trip without an end.

Maybe we are not so good, but we are far from being as bad as imagined.

As the saying goes, it is useful to be born with my material.

Real self -confidence is to fully affirm self -worth and believe that you deserve everything.

Some psychologists say that self -confidence is actually very simple, that is, internal+external:

Inside is full of strong belief in your own belief, and the external image can add points to confidence.

Adults, we must believe that you have enough energy to jump out of unconfident walls.

1. Know yourself

In the Greek Temple of Apollo, a line of lintel is engraved with a line of words "Knowing yourself".

Indeed, the most important thing in people's life is not to pay attention to others, but to recognize themselves.

Writer San Mao once told that he used to have zero points in the mathematics exam before, and once inferiority was once inferior.

But she did not use her shortcomings to deny herself.

She insists on writing every day, and has more highlights in writing, and gradually regains confidence.

Only by recognizing yourself and believing in your own value can you gain true confidence.

2. Accept yourself

It is said that there are no two exactly the same leaves in the world.

Confidence is not to seek external recognition, but accepting inner self.

In fact, a person must learn to accept himself.

Accepting yourself is by no means letting yourself go, let alone lying flat, even so -called rotten.

Instead, you are glad to accept your own body, ability and personality, and do not oppose your true yourself.

Do not be inferior because of your own advantages and strengths, let alone inferiority because of some shortcomings and mistakes.

As the poet Kon said: Why not be perfect enough, everything has cracks, that is where the light comes in.

Everyone has their own flash point, and accepting self is the right way to gain confidence.

3. Activate yourself

Psychologist Winnikot once said: Everyone's ego is like a energy ball, and every energy ball wants to stretch himself.

No matter who it is, the inner potential is fully activated, and the growth channel of life will be opened.

Don't be afraid of trial and error -trial and error is at most failed, and it will never fail if you don't try.

Achievement Diary -Record what you think is successful, regardless of size.

Persist in recovery -to clear the root of your unconfident, accurately locate, and do not entangle the past.

Improve yourself -good interest and hobbies can activate the brain, relax physique, balance energy, and gain energy.

Lifetime learning -read more logical thinking and debate books, and dare to express yourself, so as not to be led by others.

Active social — stay away from people and environment that let you inferior, and share feelings with family and friends. High -quality links and resonance can also gain confidence.

In fact, from self -confidence to self -confidence, it is often the first step after awakening.

I believe that as long as you experience the acquisition, you can make yourself better.

Master Hongyi realized the three opinions of life: seeing himself, seeing heaven and earth, and seeing sentient beings.

What is self -confidence is actually the relationship between everyone and themselves, the relationship with others, and the relationship with the world.

Life may be long, and the process may not be easy.

Do not overestimate the attention of others, do not deny your own efforts, and do not degrade your value.

May everyone be able to break the persistence and be determined; whether poverty or wealthy, never humble, and be a confident person.

Author | Le is in Qi Qi, love the text, express himself, sort out emotions, and pay tribute to life.

Picture | Visual China

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