Life strategy that everyone must understand after 35 years old

When it comes to the middle -aged crisis, accompanied by anxiety, fear, helplessness, confusion, and overwhelming, we become more and more unhappy. In fact, the relationship between human happiness index and age has long been studied. It is like a magical smile U -shaped curve.

The bottom of the happiness curve, the road to life must be

In 1994, the paper published by Oswald and Clark's "Regarding Unexpicious will cause unhappiness" mentioned: "Existing U -shaped happiness curve related to age."

In 2008, Branchford and Oswald published representative works on age and happiness in the "Social Sciences and Medicine" magazine- "Is happiness in the entire life cycle? " It is based on dozens of countries, including huge data sets of hundreds of thousands of people: "We find that happiness is the lowest in middle age."

In 2010, the British News Magazine "Economist" published the article "U -shaped Turning in Life". The paper used the Gallop survey of more than 300,000 Americans and found that the bottom of the U -shaped curve was located in the late 40s and 50s. Early early.

The study of happiness at all stages of life has never stopped. U.S. writer and senior researcher of the Brukinson Society, Jonathan Lautan, also proves the scientific nature of the U -shaped curve in the new book "Your Happiness Curve": the happiness of a person's life is a U -shaped curve, that is, the youth to middle age to middle age Happiness gradually declined, at the age of 40 or 50, at the lowest valley, and then rose again.

We can see that 35-65 years old is the stage where people have the lowest sense of happiness, which is the "middle-aged crisis" stage that we often call. Many people are full of fear and anxiety in the face of the middle -aged crisis, and they can't see the hope of the future. They think that they will continue to do so at the "bottom of happiness", but they ignore the rise of the happiness index after the bottom of the valley.

Some people will ask what is the significance of the study of curve relationship between happiness and age? Martin Seligman, one of the most outstanding psychologists in the United States, put forward a formula for happiness in the book "Real Happiness":

H = s + c + v

H (HAPPINESS) represents the long -term happiness level,

S (Set Range) represents the happiness setting point,

C (CIRCUMSTANCES) represents the living environment,

V (Voluntary Control) represents controllable factors.

His formula is very concise, and our happiness is affected by all aspects. This formula can guide us to think about how to become happier. We have no way to change happiness settings. It is basically determined by genes and personality. We can change the living environment and our own behavior and emotional patterns to make ourselves happier.

Jonathan Lautan believes that the happiness curve implies that this formula has missed a condition, and he re -added:

H = S + C + V + T

On the basis of the original formula, he added the "T (time)" item, which is more specific is the aging process. Most people's happiness index will present a U -shaped curve, and people's sense of happiness will not continue to decrease with the increase of age. On the contrary, they will rise significantly after the age of 50.

Although the impact of age on happiness is important, it is not the only important factor. The author believes that "a middle -aged crisis is a lie" and is an excuse for people to escape life. The middle -aged stage and adolescence and older periods are not different. They are a must -have in life.

Why is the middle -aged stage so terrible?

People in the middle -aged stage have pressure from various aspects. When they encounter bottlenecks in their work, they are more energetic than young people, they are old and small in their families. Occasionally, they have to cope with burnout marriage life. For mortgages, the physical functions of people in the middle age are not as good as before. Cervical spondylosis, cerebral thrombosis, and various health problems have appeared. They have to live a healthy life of the insulation cup soaked in wolfberry ... Insufficient power, the contrast between ideals and reality greatly reduces their confidence.

When you are young, people are vibrant, and work and life will continue to improve with their age and rich experience. Of course, it is believed that the middle age will become better objectively. I think that my life satisfaction will be increased with my achievements. But this prediction is inconsistent with reality.

After forty years old, but not mixed with management, work content can be replaced by young people at any time, but they are restricted by wallets and time. If you want to buy high -end clothes for individuals, you have to consider whether the child's tuition will be prepared next year. Okay ... it is more and more difficult to get. The loss of years has triggered a sense of disappointment that cannot be got rid of the willpower. The continuous decline of the happiness curve has made us get used to disappointment. Therefore, we do not expect that there is a turnaround and fall into a negative feedback cycle.

The bottom of the happiness curve is a dangerous area. The disappointment will end quickly, but it still looks endless.

However, we cannot treat this unreceptive transition period as a crisis, and the curve does not mean the interruption of happiness. In fact, negative feedback states that even if there is no objective interference or emotional induction factors at all, we will still feel more and more disappointed. This disappointment is caused by various factors, not just the increasing age that cannot be reversed. As a result, the so -called overwhelming us is life, not age, no matter who reaches this period of time.

The situation of middle -aged people is sympathetic, but we should reflect on how to break the situation? The middle -aged crisis is a storm that is inevitable. How can we pass the "middle -aged crisis" steadily, and even turn the middle -aged crisis into a middle -aged transfer? In "Your Happiness", Jonathan Raver introduced us to get out of the difficulty of mid -aged difficulties through self -help and mutual assistance.

Self -service: 6 cultivation takes you out of the middle -aged difficulties

Practice 1: Normalization

Normalization is a therapeutic term. It is not surprising that psychologists use it to help people realize their situation. Many people who have been 40 years old will enter the stage of confused anxiety, self -denial, self -doubt, and shame for their own state. The role of normalization is that it is unusual to help people realize that middle -aged sluggishness is not unusual. You have to tell yourself: What I am spending normal adults will experience, not crisis.

In addition to normally, we do not regard the middle -aged trough as a pathological state, it helps to break the negative feedback cycle that makes middle -aged dissatisfaction continuously expand. You can try to be grateful, counting your own blessings and reminding your good things in your life.

Practice 2: Interrupt the inner criticism

One of the most important roots of pain is society comparison. We always compare ourselves with others. Whose salary is higher? Whose position is relatively high? Status anxiety is the main component of this self -torture. One of the secrets of happiness is not to compare with people who are successful than you -always compare down, do not compare upwards.

Whenever you feel that you want to start society, you must learn to control consciously and convert your ideas into something constructive. The most harmful upward comparison is to compare with yourself, or more precisely, it is an ideal, out of reach of self -comparison. Why are I not diligent enough? Why did my recent article write well a few months ago? Why didn't I say proper words to my lover yesterday? We make all kinds of mistakes every day, so we never lack the reasons for self -criticism.

There are two benefits to shouting "not comparing" yourself: one is to break negative thinking spirals, and the other is that the side of rationality can play a certain control role.

Item 3 Cultivation: Live in the present

The bottom of the happiness curve is a time trap. If the satisfaction of life has not met expectations in the past few years, the satisfaction of life in the next few years seems to have only declined, and the disappointment of the past and the pessimism of the future will kill the current satisfaction.

What we need to do is to pay attention to the present, rather than constantly predict the future or re -evaluate the past.

You can choose to exercise, listen to music, etc., and temporarily relieve your anxiety by focusing on focus on specific and direct things. You can also pay attention to the specific events in the workplace and family life and seek solutions.

Practice 4: Reasonably show self -difficult situation

The most harmful feature of middle -aged feedback traps is that it enables our social instincts with ourselves. Our misfortune is not because of an objective environment. It seems to be a kind of personality defect. We are ashamed of our misfortune, so we hide it. Without achieving the goals that they can achieve, people feel that they must be born in nature, which will make people inferior and shrink.

Falling into a trough is not a small problem. Avoiding self -isolation is helpful for stable emotions and avoiding errors. If you seek help from the outside, you can take the form of consultation or treatment. You don't need to wait until you get sick or have dysfunction. If you are isolated from others, disappointment and dissatisfaction will ferment and corruption. Essence Breaking this cycle is the first priority. You can call friends, or join the circle of similar people to talk to each other and encourage each other.

Practice 5: "Go, don't jump"

The easiest way to make yourself happy is that when you choose to do one thing, you may try to set a small goal instead of a big plan.

Many people believe that their lives will change forever after attending an inspiring speech or strengthening workshop. But the situation is always the same: "Magic" lasted for a few days or weeks, and most of the participants no longer knew why they thought they thought of inspiring speeches to change themselves. Later, they would be confused and did not know which direction they wanted to develop, so they gave up their efforts. From this, the teachings aimed at encouraging people to change their changes.

Small goals are relatively easy to achieve, we can move horizontally, increasingly, constructive, and logically moving forward. This will reduce the probability of impulse errors, and help maintain the controllability of decline, and reduce the cost of incorrect attribution errors. As psychologist Jonathan Heite pointed out, when we make progress towards the goal, the internal incentive mechanism will immediately give us a short sense of satisfaction, and truly achieving the goal will bring short -lived happiness, but it soon becomes becoming possible New baseline. We may feel that we need a huge leap, but it is not only easier to advance towards the realized goal, but also bring more satisfaction.

It is not the key to avoid making huge changes or risks to avoid making huge changes or risks at the turning point of a happy curve. On the contrary, the risks made by changes and bearing should be integrated, not destructive. This is the key. The adjustment of life should be in line with your accumulated experience and previous choices. Their values, obligations and opportunities for your values ​​should be reality. In other words, the change of integration can be great. Practice 6: Wait

No matter how unhappy the bottom of the happiness curve is, it seems to be part of a healthy and important individual (and society) transition. If there is a potion that can disappear, we may find that life is more sad. Perhaps, as the American poet Robert Florus said, the best way out is to survive. For most people, the reduction of life satisfaction in middle age is annoying, but it is not traumatic, especially when you realize it is common, it will end, and it is not catastrophic. For most people, waiting is good.

In the context of happiness curve and its unique feedback trap, waiting is not a passive strategy. Waiting does not mean nothing. Waiting is a way to cooperate with time to let time work for us. Patience is not all answers to everyone, but it is part of the answer.

Mutual assistance: use the power of others to resolve middle -aged troubles

Most of us have to go through adolescent emotional fluctuations. Like adolescence, middle age is completely normal. Some people can easily spend this period, while others may encounter a lot of trouble. Middle -aged is a period full of risks and stress, which may lead to crisis, but it is not a crisis itself. Although self -service is necessary, it is incomplete.

An excellent figure in the field of happiness economics, John F. Helliwell, analyzed the huge survey data and found that the "happiness" in the world can be explained by 6 major factors:

① Social support -someone can rely on when encountering difficulties;

② generous -when people are generous and people around them are generous, people will be happier;

③ Trust -corruption and distrust are harmful to life;

④ Freedom — With sufficient freedom to make important life decisions;

⑤ Good per capita income;

⑥ Healthy average life.

It is not difficult to see from these studies that social support and interpersonal interaction are one of the factors that have almost decisive impact on individual happiness. Under the support of such a research theory, pursuing happiness is not just a personal matter, but a social proposition.

Community, enterprises, universities, and even the government will provide resources and support for those who are experiencing middle -aged transitions. In China, some institutions have already begun to pay attention to people who are in the middle -aged transition stage, such as Taikang Insurance Group. Multi -elderly people get more sense of social responsibility, and live a more dignified elderly life. These changes can largely reduce the fear of middle -aged people in the future of the elderly.

As more and more people and institutions begin to understand what the middle -aged transition is, middle -aged people will start to get corresponding social support.

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