[High -end original poetry platform] Yunfan Poetry Association 2022 32nd issue of good selection evaluation

Please click Enter the picture drawing

In front

One of the poems, there is no way to learn, and there is no way to learn. Scholars, the stones of other mountains can attack jade; The ancients of the ancients were "like a discussion, such as thinking like a grind", so that the gentleman's demeanor is even more extended to be a good learning spirit. Today Yunfan's setting up this column is a place for our exchanges, a place for identification, and a platform for progress.

Yunfan Reading Weitang

Yongluo Tian Bao Dao Peak

Ye Mengxia

Who refined the cliff, the peak is high.

Bai Yun passed by, cutting a layer of skin.

[Duan Wei's comment] This five -character quatrains are still very interesting. Such as the strange peak of the knife, the white clouds are out of date, and they are automatically divided into two halves. In the poet's pen, they are said to be: "Baiyun has passed the side and cuts off a layer of skin." It is made to read it, although the sentence looks like the sentence seems to seem Slightly vulgar. The word "refining" in the first sentence seems to be worth considering. Montering generally refers to the shape of the hammer over and over, making it a required shape. It seems not just right here. It is better to switch to the meaning of "ax cutting".

Snoring

Star man

Holy storage of chest strength, Nan Ke's dream shows his spirit.

Life -life Junxiu laughed, and he was also shocking.

[Duan Wei's comment] The usual "snoring" becomes so unusual in the poet's pen. Although it was self -deprecating, it also revealed that the poet faced the open -mindedness of the humanity. The ending "is also a shocking place" is both a real writing and a self -proclaim. The "shocking" in the sentence is an idiom, which should not be used directly in the verse. However, the poet knows how to use the "reading" technique to place the four -character idioms in three four or five -character, and because the reading rhythm of the reading of the seven -character sentence is "four -three", so that the "shocking" is divided into two different. During the reading of sentences, the problems of the four -character idioms are avoided.

Tao Ranting

Chen Zhen

Don't need half a text when you sit, the green water red lotus trail.

The heart and the breeze are fighting up and down.

[Duan Wei's comment] The advantage of this seven -character sentence is three or four sentences: "Heart and the breeze are fighting up and down" are not visible. The lotus "comes and go", and this naturally becomes the mood part in the end, and it shares the theme of "Tao Ran" together. "One by one" refers to the objective "green and red lotus", and of course, it also refers to the poet's "heart". It's really a series of wonderful hands!

Junzheng

Zhang Mingxin

The prince is out, and the visual objects are everywhere.

Thinking is like young bamboo, and there are more tears.

[Wei Sanmu Comments] "The Jun's Out" is the name of the Miscellaneous Song of Lefu. Song Guo Maoqian's "Elementary Poetry Collection" Volume 69 Solution cloud: "Han Xu has the five chapters of" Shi Si Poem ", the third chapter of the chapter: 'The princes are out, the mirror is dark. It's time to be poor. "The Jun's Out" is covered here. '"" "" "The king came out, translated into vernacular, probably meaning" since you go out (leave home) ". Therefore, later generations used this old title to be poems, and generally wrote poems that were complained to farewell acacia themes. The second sentence of this poem is too sad after the parting, and the tears are blurred, and the vision decreases, so that the meaning of "see Zhu Chengbi"? The relationship between "young bamboo" and "tear marks" in the last two sentences are not clear. If Yun "Bamboo" can be understood.

Snoring self -deprecating star Han

Holy storage of chest strength, Nan Ke's dream shows his spirit.

Life -life Junxiu laughed, and he was also shocking.

[Wei Sanmu Comments] Poetry writing small things in life, but seeing the big weather in Qiaozhizhong. Being able to laugh at himself is a person who is funny.

Cook smoke

Horizontal

A white cloud firework was born, and the world swayed and passionate.

The wind is really picturesque, and you know the spicy eyes when you get closer.

[Wei Sanmu Comment] The last sentence is vulgar and elegant, which can be described as wonderful.

Lower melon, see the question

Tong Yunxia

The small courtyard was in the sun and the sky was locked, and the spring breeze was sent to the platform.

Avoto seemed like a acacia belt, and he couldn't help it.

[Wei Sanmu Comment] This poem is compared with vivid image, and the artistic conception is also good. It is also good to echo before and after the chapter.

Ma Anxinlou Village

Zeng Yanmei

The group of chickens pecking ducks and ducks.

At this point, Peng Hu Jun Mo was surprised and competed with others to paint the immortal.

[Wei Sanmu Comment] The latter two sentences are smooth. It is a pity that the first two sentences are not good. The gardens where chickens and ducks fly are at most. If it is a punching pot, I am afraid that the emperor, the mother -in -law, the eight immortals of the sea, and the Samsung of Fulushou, and other immortals cannot be accepted. It is recommended to use the classics. The first two sentences are written from the fantasy and plants with immortality in the village, and they can naturally be too much to paint the immortal in the latter two sentences. After communicating with the author, it was modified as: Xiaoyao chicken dogs are like Huainan, and flowers and plants are like "Shanhai". Suspected that Penghu Jun Mo was surprised and scrambled to paint with others.

Bu Tedu · Jian Na has a poem to catch fireflies

Qin Feng

Summer night grass, the star fire is destroyed. Hold a screen with a foot screen to illuminate my childhood.

The young spirit is true, and the old age is Fan Chan Suo. Seeing that in Weimang's palm, is Xu Liuti?

[Wei Sanmu Comment] The language of this word is smooth, not only writing childlike fun, but also to interrogate the current self, it is the perception of time and years.

Water tuning song · fast rain

Liu Zeyu

Bai Yu rang the new tiles, and the fire was gone. The Qiantang Wanwan shot, and he was shocked. Suspecting it was a bull and drum shock, and he was afraid of driving the mountains and signs. Kuang Lu, Jiu Dan chaotic spring.

Fei Shiyan, laughing girl, rolled in Xiangchuan.庭 洞, Dongting Zhang Le Yan Qunxian. Sweeping the dust of Huangchen, washing the gods and glory, Ji Cui Zhengjuan. The creation is not ethical, and the wind is clear. [Wei Sanmu Comment] This word is using multiple metaphors to mobilize various images, and to write the scenes and feelings of fast rain to the end, elegant and fast!

Yongluo Tian Bao Dao Peak

Ye Mengxia (Hubei)

Who refined the cliff, the peak is high.

Bai Yun passed by, cutting a layer of skin.

[Lei Haiji Comments] Poetry makes an article on the word "thin knife peak". It is not easy to write a knife. It is not easy to write a knife. The height of the knife is vivid. Writing the peak literally, it actually contains human affairs. The sharpness of the knife lies in thinness, in the tempering. In addition to the sharpness, it is high and fast. Poems have fun, reason, interest, and imagination.

Garden

Chen Qiulian

Rolling the curtains welcomed the day, stepping on the okra.

Before Nanshan, the baby was chased by a butterfly.

[Lei Haiji Comments] Poetry is like a small story, so it is easy to read. Such as a picture, so it looks good. General poems write children chasing butterflies, but here is a butterfly chasing. Why is butterfly chasing people? This child should be more beautiful than butterflies, and the beauty is always chasing.

Cook smoke

Horizontal

A white cloud firework was born, and the world swayed and passionate.

The wind is really picturesque, and you know the spicy eyes when you get closer.

[Lei Haiji Comments] The first three sentences are trying to write the beauty of smoke, form, and style. It has a huge contrast with the spicy eyes of the sentence. This is a rare alternative layout.

Goshikawa Listening Spring

Wang Twelve

The two mountains are green in a village, and there is no pause in ten miles.

Always sing by himself and sing by himself.

[Lei Haiji Comments] Writing Shanquan is very vivid, interesting, and meaningful, is it the persistence of Yanquan, hard work, or lonely? The poem that gives people imagination must be a good poem.

Dream fishing

Brain

Dreaming driving the wind to see Kyushu, and he was sitting in the rigue.

Dang Lun East China Sea fish and shrimp are exhausted, and you want to catch Kunlun.

[Lei Haiji Comments] The field of vision is wide and the poetic style is strong. The last two sentences are also lyrical. Fishing is not easy.

This high temperature

Wang Jiquan

In the south of the Jiangnan south, the copper pot is like hot compresses.

If the high temperature can be saved, the severe winter heating does not need to be furnace.

[Lei Haiji Comments] Leave the heat in the heat until winter, which is wonderful and the poet's ability. "Beard" should be mistaken.

Renyin's first day of the show

Yao Quan's name

Hurrying has entered the fire for three weeks.

Moon hanging yellow cakes, throwing red fireballs every day.

Kim Chan is like a thorn, and Feng Bo avoids like hatred.

The chest was hot, and it was also because of the black sea.

[Lei Haiji Comments] Poetry is trying to create a very difficult atmosphere. Kung Fu in the choice of scenes and words: horrible smells, Ming Ruo, avoiding hatred, moon hanging biscuits, and throwing fireballs. It is both real scene and the author deliberately chose and deliberately processed. The uncomfortable "Black Sea Head", Russia and Ukraine conflict. Originally uncomfortable, coupled with the war, the people suffered. Don't mention how bad your mood. It can be seen that the poem is lyrical of scenery, the choice of the scene noun, and the corresponding verbs, adjectives, and combine the image of the scene.

Heat up

Horizontal

Swipe the screen to eliminate the summer, where to send career.

In the world's red crickets, Qingyin sat and eat melons.

[Zhang Mingxin Comments] The world of Red Embrocery, novel and dazzling, new poetry techniques, empty and modern. It is strange and appropriate to eat watermelon in the red summer summer.

Firefly Firefly

Wang Hainina

Mo Dao is like a fire, bright like jade beads.

At the moment of meeting, illuminating the other party.

[Zhang Mingxin commented] The heart is like fire, like jade beads, describing fireflies is very vivid, it is external beauty. Meeting to illuminate each other, things and poems are sublimated, and they are spiritual beauty. The noble chant is precisely because of the poet's noble. Little poems are flattering. "Mo Dao" is not harmonious with the whole poem.

Xia Ye Youyi

Cheng Gongxu

The bamboo cricket was lying on the sun, and the flowers were near the pool.

The insects are like hypnotic songs, and the bright moonlight is cold.

[Zhang Mingxin Comments] It looks like a song and painting, with all the audiovisual smells, and hooks people's memories.

Lower melon, see the question

Tong Yunxia

The small courtyard was in the sun and the sky was locked, and the spring breeze was sent to the platform.

Avoto seemed like a acacia belt, and he couldn't help it.

[Zhang Mingxin Review] Green Tengto -Winding, Acacia Bands -can't solve it, plus the heart, metaphor superimposed, clever ideas, lingering affection, and good thoughts.

This high temperature

Wang Jiquan

In the south of the Jiangnan south, the copper pot is like hot compresses.

If the high temperature can be saved, the severe winter heating does not need to be furnace.

[Zhang Mingxin Review] One or two sentences in copper pots like hot compresses are very high temperature. Three or four sentences are strange, and they have a good desire for people's hearts. It is better to add some poetic flavor and aesthetics.

Demolition

Jiang Changdian

I think of the year of my home, how many songs are crying and sweet and sour.

It is difficult for the old house, but the nostalgia is not easy to move.

[Bao Pu Shusheng's comment] "It is difficult for the old house, but the nostalgia is not easy to move." The so -called virtuality is true, and fun.

Renyin's first day of the show

Yao Quan's name

Hurrying has entered the fire for three weeks.

Moon hanging yellow cakes, throwing red fireballs every day.

Kim Chan is like a thorn, and Feng Bo avoids like hatred.

The chest was hot, and it was also because of the black sea.

[Bao Pu Shusheng's comment] "Jin Chan Ming is like a thorn, Feng Bo avoids such avenge", there is no new tailor, writing the bitterness of bitterness into the wooden three -pointer. Academician Huang Kun

Han Yiyun

Electric sound coupling combined with Xuan Xuan, Huang Peifang's ancient biography.

Study the wonderful theory of the end of the book, and teach the characteristics to open a new article.

It has been infinitely infinite, and live up to life.

In addition to scattered stars, such as light leads the total superior.

[Bao Pu Shusheng Comments] Modern language and academic language are not separated, and they are quite kung fu. The neckline "has been infinitely physically physically, and lives for a long time."

Yamamura Wangwang

Cao Guoxiang

Drive into the mountains every day, step by walking around Qingxi.

Qingling is still in the cloud, and the red neutrality occasionally brought.

， 蛩 蛩 蛩 蛩 蛩 蛩 蛩, the dogs are fighting for the fence.

The cattle backborn poultry was suspected of heron, and she flew back amazing.

[Bao Pu Shusheng Comments] Lianlian's vivid image, and contains fun. However, the neckline always feels a bit stagnant with the word "child", and it is for reference only.

Bu Tedu · Jian Na has a poem to catch fireflies

Qin Feng

Summer night grass, the star fire is destroyed. Hold a screen with a foot screen to illuminate my childhood.

The young spirit is true, and the old age is Fan Chan Suo. Seeing that in Weimang's palm, Xu is Liuguang?

[Bao Pu Shusheng Comments] The whole song is light and lively, and the words are smooth and smooth. "Seeing Weimang's palms again", "掬", seeing the words.

Introduction to critics

Introduction to Lei Haiji

Lei Haiji, pen name Zhuangxi Shui, a sage in Jiangxi, a military poet, a poem critic. Former political committee member and rank of the University of the Liberation Army, the rank of the University, and poetry articles have been selected as the National Chinese Poetry Seminar, the Chinese Army Travel Poetry Seminar, and the Chinese Poetry Forum on both sides of the Taiwan Strait. Compiled and published "Poetry Quick Getting Started Guidance", "Quotations of Poetry of Masterpieces in Ancient and Modern Masterpieces", "Selection of Lei Haiji Poetry Poems").

Zhang Mingxin profile

Zhang Mingxin, from Qihe County, Shandong Province. Member of Chinese Poetry Society, Shandong Poetry Society, Beijing Poetry Society. The two sessions of Chinese poems, Chinese poetry poems, and second poetry Chinese first prize winners of the Foot Rong Cup, Chinese Poetry Magazine. The Poetry Federation won the "Hundred Poems and Hundred Federation" award hosted by the Chinese Federation of Literature and Culture and the Ministry of Culture.

Brief Introduction to Bao Pu Sheng

Gao Shichun, who is a scholar in Hao Park, Yunfan Poetry will consult.

Duan Weijian

Duan Wei, born in 1964, was born in Yingshan, Hubei, a doctor of law. Professor of Huazhong Normal University, also served as an executive director of the Chinese Poetry Society, president of the Chinese Poetry Society of Hubei Province, and editor -in -chief of the "Hearts Poetry" comment.

Introduction

Wei Shuding, pseudonym Wei Sanmi, from Hechi, Guangxi, deputy president of Tangshe, poetry editor. He is the author of "The Collection of Infinite Spring Sorrow".

- END -