Do they live well in the city with their baby?

"China Economic Weekly" reporter Sun Bing ｜ Beijing report

In the park at ten in the morning, the old people who took the children to play with the sun gathered together. They were familiar but did not know the names of each other, because Grandma, Qi Bao, Grandpa Grandpa, Mika Grandpa ... It is their social identity in this city.

At the gate of the school at five in the afternoon, the old people riding an electric car and pulling the cart, waiting for the grandchildren to get out of school, they couldn't bear the children to carry the heavy schoolbag, but it was difficult for them to memorize themselves.

In the official context, these groups who follow their children who follow their children to pension in different places are called "moving old people", but another word seems to describe their situation better: "old drifting clan".

According to the "China Migrant Population Development Report 2018" issued by the National Health and Health Commission, nearly 18 million elderly people have relocated in China, of which 43%of the proportion of juniors is like taking care of juniors. In large cities like Beishangguangshen, the proportion is higher. The "Old Drifting" reported in the supermarket report released by Darunfa in 2021 shows that 72%of the relocated elderly people came to Shanghai to help their children bring their baby.

Is it "drifting" in the city or "empty nest" at home? They couldn't let go of their children and grandchildren in big cities, but they couldn't give up their nostalgia. In entanglement and embarrassment, they have firmly become the strongest backing of young people who struggle in big cities. Even if the hair is pale, he still wants to hold up his grandchildren, just like in the past, they tried their best to support their children.

Photography: "China Economic Weekly" Chief Photography Reporter Xiao Yan

"My daughter is waiting for me to have a child before I retire, and I lose more than a dozen pounds with a baby in a year."

"Your child is studying well, and he will go out in the future. Pick up you to the big city to enjoy the blessing." Aunt Li Xia told the reporter of "China Economic Weekly" that this was what her daughter said to her most often when she was a child.

From now on, this dream is indeed realized. Aunt Li's daughter's son -in -law was a school hegemony. After being admitted to Beijing's prestigious universities from a young place, she graduated to stay in Beijing smoothly and had a stable job in public institutions. However, what kind of taste of "enjoying blessing" in the mouth of his hometown is only auntie and his wife who knows.

"My daughter dares to give birth to a child when I retire." Aunt Li said that the daughter's son -in -law was very busy, because the age of the age of 30 was the critical period of hard work. There may be no chance to work hard year.

However, although the work of the girl son -in -law is stable, the income is average. It is unrealistic that the child goes home to bring a baby alone. As two "new Beijingers", both of them must do their careers well in order to support this home with "old and old and small".

"At least one or twenty -thousand months in Beijing, the parenting sister -in -law also starts six or seven thousand. This is too much economic pressure for the daughter's son -in -law, and it is more important to be afraid that outsiders will not bring it well." The aunt provoked the heavy responsibility of bringing a baby.

Aunt Li's daughter lives in her husband's house divided by the unit. The location is very good but the area is small. After the child was born, Aunt Li's wife could only go back to her hometown first, otherwise the family's five people would be too crowded.

Aunt Li's daughter did financial work. After giving birth to a child, she returned to work after more than four months, and she was very busy. She lost her hair and became very embarrassed.

Auntie Li certainly distressed his daughter. "Originally, the child said that I brought during the day, and their husband and wife brought themselves at night. But taking the child must not sleep well at night, they had to go to work during the day. Later, I said that during the day and night Auntie Li said that for more than a year, she could not sleep because she couldn't eat well, and she lost more than a dozen pounds.

"I told the child, I gritted my teeth until the child was two years old, and then let my grandmother take it over. I have to go back to my hometown and slowly, and I am not assured that my wife is in my hometown." A sister, my sister's child is still young. I have to wait for my sister's child to go to the kindergarten next year, and my grandma can come to "change class" to bring the baby.

In fact, many young people who struggle in Beijing are old people like Aunt Li. For children and children, they run thousands of miles like migratory birds, take care of their children and grandchildren. Big cities struggle.

"Our generation is living for children all my life."

The hard work of the body is not the biggest problem facing the "old drifting clan". Urban -rural differences, social scarcity, intergenerational conflicts, language obstacles, value identity, social security and public services "Honggou" ... question.

The old man who brought the child in the park came from the South China Sea, and he was holding all kinds of dialects but pulling his family happily. They will complain with each other, where the price of the vegetables is cheap.

Several aunts told reporters that Han Li was the head of their "grandma group" because she was able to use smartphones more proficiently, and also taught everyone how to use mobile phones to see how to take a bus. Photos, links and red envelopes. "My son taught me, I couldn't understand, and he was anxious without saying a few words. Later, I didn't ask him, but Sister Han could teach me." A aunt said.

"We say that it is nice to be grandma and uncle. It is a nanny to say that the unpleasant point is not even as good as a nanny. The nanny they dare not easily pick problems." Aunt Han's words got a lot of resonance. Everyone knows that Aunt Han is joking, but it is not easy to help the children bring a baby. "Where do you live?" Facing the reporter's question, every time Aunt Han would correct: "That's my son's house, not my family." Aunt Han said that he always had a "guest" feeling in the child's house. Be careful. And she is really not used to the life of the big city. Without relatives and friends, no one can talk, she wants to go home very much.

"I'm okay, I can communicate with my Mandarin, and I can chat with the old ladies who bring the children. This is also the time when I am the happiest in Beijing. It is depressed. "Aunt Han told the reporter of" China Economic Weekly "that her son -in -law and daughter -in -law work in the financial industry and have good income, but often travel around and almost" see people. " In the huge house, after sending the little grandson to the kindergarten every day, she and her wife left, I don't know what to do.

Aunt Han was a primary school teacher when she was young. Before she and her husband retired, she also thought about spending flowers to grow vegetables. But soon with grandson, they can only come to Beijing from their hometown to learn a series of essential skills to survive in big cities. "Our hometown beckoned to get the car, and the buses can get a dollar a dollar. But Beijing is not good, the bus is complicated, and it is wrong to sit wrong, and if you do n’t get a mobile phone, it’ s hard to walk. ”She said.

Leaving the comfortable hometown, leaving his hometown, and running to the big city to "suffer", it is very hard. But it is not hard to make Aunt Han feel sad, but all kinds of uncomfortable in intergenerational communication. "Many times I feel very depressed and not free. Children can't get used to us, and we can't get used to them." She said.

For example, Aunt Han hopes that the child will "eat and wear warmth", but the daughter -in -law will complain that because they eat too much for their children, the child always coughs and fever; the grandson is just four years old, and he will go to English everywhere. , Thinking, Lego, Mouth Cai, physical fitness and other bunch of counseling classes, Aunt Han is very distressed but there is no way; her son and daughter -in -law bought her dishwasher because of kindness, but Aunt Han really used it to prevent the child from being unhappy. , She always puts the dishes that washed in hand and then put it in the dishwasher ...

Now, Aunt Han and my wife no longer yearn for the retirement life she had imagined. Watching the grandson grew up day by day, they are hard but happy, and they are also preparing to usher in the next family of the next family because they are ready to usher in the next family. The son -in -law is planning to have a second child.

"In the past, we turned around the child, and now we turn around the grandson. Our generation, without ourselves, is living for the child for a lifetime." Aunt Han said.

Photography: "China Economic Weekly" Chief Photography Reporter Xiao Yan

Drifting in a big city of home or going home as a nest elderly?

For the elderly, the feeling of "this is not home" not only from the family, but also all aspects of urban public services. Many relocated elderly people told reporters that they have lived in this city for a long time, but whether they are enjoying various public services and social security, or living details such as travel for medical treatment, they are different from local elderly people with household registration.

For example, when parents move to large cities, high housing prices will become huge realistic obstacles, but the supply of affordable housing such as public rental housing in various places is often difficult to satisfy local residents. For example It is often possible to target the elderly in the household registration; for example, for example, the problems such as the treatment of medical treatment with the elderly who are very needed to be relocated are greatly improved, but there are still many restrictions and the process is also very complicated.

Big cities full of wandering are not adapted and can't merge, but do you really go back at home?

Many post -50 and 60 elderly people are parents of only children. If their children have moved to other land, they will face a difficult choice question when they retire: Is it a big city or not a big city or a big city or a big city or a home. Go home to be an "empty nest elder"?

Aunt Li and Aunt Han told reporters that they wanted to bring their grandchildren back to their hometown, but their children did not agree. Children struggle in big cities. It is not easy to take root in big cities as "new cities". In addition to the needs of career development, we must also consider the education of the grandchildren. Many children cannot return to their hometown to live in order to support the elderly.

But the old people choose to return home are not perfect, because it is likely to become "empty nest elderly" and "left -behind elderly". "Now that we still have a good body, we can live in our hometown, but in case of the future, we can't move in the future, or only one person is left. Where can you go?" Aunt Li said.

Many relocated elderly people live in the countryside all their lives. After entering the urban life, they need to pay great efforts to resolve many obstacles such as urban and rural differences, language communication, lifestyle, and social exchanges. As the younger generation of "new cities", if you want to support the lives of the three generations in the city, you also need to work together in the society to cross the gap.

In order to allow the "new city people" to let go of their hands and feet, and to make the elderly move to the elderly "old, old, and old", the first step of all efforts is to let the elderly move the elderly move The nostalgia and the struggle of young people are seen.

(The requirements of the interview object, Li Xia and Han Li in the text are a pseudonym)

Responsible editor | Guo Yiyao

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